Jay: (Referring to the rented sports car he's driving) Boss, I tell you, driving this baby is almost a sexual experience.
Banacek: Jay, you need to get out more.
Louise: Any more questions, Mr. Banacek? Or have you heard the rattle of enough family skeletons?
Vickie: Hey, are you with the police?
Banacek: No. I'm, um, sort of an investigator.
Vickie: What sort?
Banacek: Charming, witty, loyal, noble, perceptive.
Frank Maxwell: Of course, Mr. Banacek, you would have saved everybody a lot of trouble if you just answered my calls.
Banacek: Calls I answer, orders I ignore.
Banacek: (after the show's producer says he will have to move the show to another town since everyone will remember him here because of this incident) Have you ever heard of Edward J Smith?
Kurt Steiner: I don't think so.
Banacek: You see. He was the captain of the Titanic.
Jay: Well, what's bothering him?
Banacek: Hmm. Good question.
Jay: But what's the answer?
Banacek: Jay, don't you know that when someone says "good question," they don't know the answer.
Vickie: Worried about your reputation?
Banacek: Not since I was 13 1/2.
Felix: (to Banacek) Three thousand miles away and you're still insufferable!
Vickie: He said that my parents make Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf look like The Waltons.
Referencing first the 1962 play by Edward Albee, featuring an embittered couple who draw a younger couple into their martial discord after a university faculty party. Second referencing to the 1970s TV show The Waltons. The story is told through the eyes of John Boy, who wants to be a novelist, goes to college, and eventually fulfills his dream. The signature scene that closed each episode was the voice-overs, where each character bids the other good-night: