Barney Miller

Season 1 Episode 7


Aired Thursday 8:00 PM Mar 06, 1975 on ABC

Episode Recap

Prologue: Barney puts up the duty roster for the next day. He asks when Harris will be on court duty. Yemana goes through the suits he wore on the previous days; Fish says that he has two more days to go because he has two more suits. As Wojo starts to leave, Officer Kogan brings up a man who was arrested for drunk and disorderly, saying that he claimed to be a government official. The man, Mr. E. J. Heiss, says that he is the head of a long-named government bureau. Barney asks why he is in New York and he is about to tell him, but when he tries to put out his cigarette on the floor, he collapses. Part One: The next day, as Heiss snores in the cage, Barney comes in and says that there are over 1,200 fedeal bureaus in Washington. He wonders where Chano is because he is late, and it is almost lunchtime. Wojo says that he is investigating something, but he didn't get the details because he was angry and talking fast, and half of it was in Spanish. Chano then comes in and says that he was investigating a burglary--in his own apartment. He said that it happened overnight, while he was not there. Barney tells him to treat it like any other crime, but Chano says that it's embarassing to list himself as the victim. Mr. Heiss then wakes up and doesn't know where he is. Barney informs him of where he is and what happened, then offers him some coffee and has Nick let him out. Barney gets a cup for him, but he doesn't have the stomach for it. Murray Grossman from Murray's Delicatessen then comes in to deliver lunch for the the detectives. Most of it is for Wojo; Murray is surprised that Chano has nothing on order. Chano is upset that he's the only detective that has been robbed. Wojo finds a dead fly in one of his sandwiches and shows it to everyone. Heiss comes in, sees the fly and rushes back to the bathroom. Wojo wants to cite Murray for a sanitation violation. The other detectives don't want him to, but when he persists, Barney says he has a point. Wojo decides to call the Health Department on Murray. Heiss comes back in the squadroom, but still feels bad. Fish takes a call that someone is trying to sell Chano's watch at a local pawnshop, and Chano takes off. Heiss asks to call a taxi, but Barney tells him that he was arrested. He thinks that it was revenge over some political scandal, but Barney insists it isn't. Heiss refused to pay bail and threatens to get Barney demoted, but Barney stands his ground and Heiss calls his superiors in Washington. Part Two: Wojo tells Barney that Murray's has just been closed by the Health Department. He also tells Barney that he admired the way he stood up to Heiss. Barney tells him that he has to take the consequences for his actions. Fish gives Heiss a fresh cup of coffee. He asks to call Washington again, even though he's called three times before. Fish says that he has helped try to get tax breaks for retired cops for several years and Washington hasn't called him back either. Murray then comes in angry over his deli closing. When he finds out Wojo called the Health Department, Murray calls him 'the Polish Mr. Clean.' He is upset and wants to know how much it will cost, and Barney tells him the Health Department will tell him. Heiss asks what Murray did and when Fish tells him, he says, 'I remember when that came up!' and runs back to the bathroom. Chano then comes in with the person who was trying to sell his watch--a 12-year-old boy. When Chano asks where he got it, the boy says that he got it from the person whose name was on it, 'C. Amenguale.' When Barney comes over, he says that cops and robbers used to be a different game. Chano says that the boy sold all his stuff for $ 40. Barney says that the kid may be a good thief, but he's a lousy businessman. Heiss asks to speak to Barney in his office. Nick asks what they are going to do for lunch now that Murray's is closed, but Wojo just says what Barney told him in the office. Heiss tells Barney that this was not the first time he had gotten drunk before. He says that all he wanted to do was be meaningful, but it's hard to do when you're the head of a bureau that takes five minutes to say and 30 seconds to forget. Then a lawyer for the government comes in, thinking that he is with the State Department. He has a writ for Heiss' release. The lawyer threatens Barney with legal action, and Barney tells him that the arrest was legal. Heiss and the lawyer leave with no further action taken. A few days later, Murray comes back in the squadroom and announces that his deli will reopen soon. He tells Wojo that sometimes progress needs a little push, but that the prices will rise a minimum of 83%, to which Nick says, 'There goes night racing.' The boy who stole Chano's stuff returns it. He says that he had to buy it back and it cost him $52 dollars, so the whole thing cost him $12. He also is on probation for a year and has to report to Chano. Chano asks if he went to school, brushed his teeth and stole anything. The answers were yes, yes, and no.
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