Barney Miller

Season 2 Episode 5

Heat Wave

Aired Thursday 8:00 PM Oct 09, 1975 on ABC

Episode Recap

Prologue: Wojo is trying to open a window because it is very hot in the squad room. Fish comes in and tells him that he can't open the window because it was nailed shut in 1932... 'on the day this building was condemned.' Barney is trying to get more officers tp help his squad because they are working double shifts to deal with all the crime caused by the heat. Detective Wentworth comes in and notes that someone could sustain brain damage from breathing in the heat. She asks who took the air and Fish says they don't use it: 'You must be thinking of another precinct.' Wojo sees Harris sitting at his desk not sweating and asks him why. He says it's willpower. He says it's also because of values: the value of his $30 shirt. Wentworth says she wishes she could do that because it would keep her hair from going straight. Harris says he can do that too. She then asks Wojo why he isn't dressed for their mugging detail. He says he wants to talk to Barney first. She asks if it's about her and he says no. Then the other detail, Chano and another female officer, Bailey come in with a suspect. He says that what they did was illegal and Chano says he's going to pull out his tongue. The suspect thinks that Bailey is also a man until he sees her up close. Wentworth asks her if there was a lot of action tonight. She says yes, then she asks Wentworth if she really likes her job. She says yes, that it's the best way for a woman to meet the public: armed. Barney comes out and tells Bailey she should be checking out. He also tells Wojo and Wentworth they should be going out. Wojo asks to talk to Barney so he tells Wojo to go into his office. Wentworth tells him if Wojo doesn't want to go out with her she'll go with another officer. She runs down her qualifications but Barney tells her to relax, but she says 'What do I have to do, wear jockey shorts?' Then the precinct maintenance worker, Beckman comes in. He salutes the men, women(with a tip of his cap) and, seeing Chano in his dress, the 'whatever.' He brings a fan to cool off the room, but it moves very, very slowly. Harris says it must not be turned on because it's not doing anything. Fish replies 'My very words to Bernice.'
Part One: Barney tells Wojo that the mugging detail's goal is to present an attractive target to a potential mugger. Wojo says he could wear his old Marine uniform. He says he doesn't want to wear a dress. Barney says everyone else has gone out. Wojo says Harris hasn't and Barney says they all agreed Harris would go last in deference to his moustache. He also points out Chano went out and Wojo says he likes being undercover and 'spy junk.' He says he doesn't know how to act, sound, or look like a woman. Barney says to do the best he can. Wojo says he won't be any good and Barney says not to threaten him. Wojo says that he could have grown a mustache: 'That's the price I pay for being clean cut.' When he comes out, Wentworth asks him what he's going to wear. He says he has a red dress, white shoes and a green clutch purse. Wentworth says he'll look like the flag of Italy. Chano says he'll love it, that wearing a dress is cooler. He also says the only mistake was wearing panty hose. Harris says there are wigs in a closet. Wojo says he'll go out without one. He says lots of women have short hair, but Harris says they don't wear women's clothes. He tells them how Barney wouldn't let him go out in his clothes. Bailey checks out and leaves. Chano takes the mugger downstairs for prints. A woman comes in asking for detectives. Chano notices her black eye and asks about it. She asks about his blue dress. He says it depends on the light. The woman says she wants her husband arrested because he beat her up. Fish talks to her, then Wentworth comes over and she gives a list of all the things her husband did to her. Barney comes out and asks her if she's still there. She says she's waiting for Wojo and if he doesn't come out she wants Barney to assign her to the woman's case. Barney says he wishes people didn't take things so literally. Wojo then comes out in his dress. He starts to leave but Barney tells him to put his wig on. After some reluctance, he does and she says he looks good. Later, Barney sees the fan and asks why it isn't on; Harris says it is. He also tells Chano that there's a car waiting to take his mugger downtown. He takes the mugger out of the cage; he asks if this is the real Chano.  He says that no, the real him is a man of mystery and the only ones who know who he is is the federal government. Harris asks 'Who's that who spoke?' Chano says he's also invisible. Fish takes the statement of Mrs. Boyle, the beating victim. She asks what he thinks of a man who hits his wife; he replies 'You only hurt the one you love.' Wentworth then comes in and tells of how she and Wojo were on patrol and a big man jumped out from behind a tree and there was an attempted rape. Barney asks if they got the perp and she says he got away. He asks about the victim and she says the victim is on their way. Then Wojo comes in with his dress torn at the shoulder.
Part Two: Barney is incredulous that Wojo was the victim. Harris laughs at that. Wojo starts to tell what happened but Wentworth interrupts him. She says she was knocked down but he says she was pushed aside. She says she tried to stop him but the perp took off. Wojo says he tried to run after him but he had to do it barefoot and there were stones and sticks. He also says he got a good look at him and also marked him by biting him on the neck. After they give Barney the description of the perp, Wojo says he will go out again as soon as he gets a new outfit. Wentworth says she should get one too. Barney says she looks fine and Wentworth says she's never been the flashy type, but, upset that she wasn't attacked, pulls her blouse out of her skirt, takes off her belt and pulls her skirt higher. As she does this she says that there is a time that subtlety is for the birds. Mrs. Boyle says she's right, that women are sex objects. Fish says 'That's what I hear.' He then gives Mrs. Boyle the arrest warrant for her to sign. She says she wants to, but looks at it. Wojo then comes out in a new dress determined to get the perp that jumped him. Wentworth comes out showing her midriff and more leg. Barney says that they appreciate her enthusiasm. Wojo asks if it's too brassy and she says 'We'll see who gets pushed aside.' Mrs. Boyle asks how long her husband would get; Fish says it's up to a judge. Barney asks what he got last time; she says a year's probation which isn't up yet. Harris says that would get him three years, which she says is perfect. However, she starts reminiscing about their good times together. Barney asks if she wants to think it over. She says no, but then starts thinking about the past again. Fish takes off his coat, Barney opens the door and she leaves. Fish says that is a marriage that works. A few moments later, she comes back, signs the warrant and leaves. Later, Wojo comes in with a suspect. Barney asks if there's a mark on his neck and he says no, but it could have healed. The suspect says he wasn't looking for trouble. Wentworth says that he was attracted to her and asks if she could lose her friend. Wojo says that he didn't want to take any chances. Barney asks him 'What are you going to charge him with. felony fresh?' Wojo says he probably has priors, so Barney has Harris take him downstairs. Wojo and Wentworth argue and Barney tells him to write up his final report. He asks her who she will go out with on second tour and she says Fish. Barney tells them to keep 'personal considerations' out of the squad room. Wojo says there was none of that. Wentworth says she's sorry about that, and that she found him sort of attractive. She says she thought he was jealous. He says no and admits that she's a good cop. Thunder is then heard. Barney comes out and asks if it was thunder or the building's plumbing. Wojo says that they may be off double shifts. Barney tells him to tell Fish, who comes out in his dress, Wentworth tells him about the rain and he says he thought it was the plumbing. Barney tells everyone to go home. Wojo says they should get changed but Fish says he wants to go home in his dress: 'Maybe I can get a seat on the subway.'
Epilogue: Harris, dreading having to shave his moustache, is on the phone to the weather bureau waiting for a forecast. Barney comes out of his office and tells Wojo that double shifts are back on and to get Wentworth on an d 8 to 4 and Bailey as a backup. He also tells Harris 'You shave at sundown' and salutes him. Harris asks if he would buy a veil and he says no. He then tell Chano that he has several reports due and they are to be in-and Chano interrupts him with 'duplicate, triplicate and quadruplicate.' Fish comes walking slowly, he says he stepped in hot tar. Then Beckman returns with a new fan. Wojo calls Wentworth who is disappointed that Harris is on tonight. Wojo says he would work with her if he could, but when Harris flashes a couple hundred bucks at him, he says something can be worked out. Beckman turns of the fan, but it blows most of Chano's reports off his desk. He curses in Spanish and Beckman leaves. He, Barney and Fish pick them up, but Fish finds two of them covered in tar, meaning Fish had stepped on them.