Barney Miller

Season 2 Episode 13

Hot Dogs

Aired Thursday 8:00 PM Dec 11, 1975 on ABC

Episode Recap

Prologue: Wojo talks to a Mr. Victor who says his wife is missing. He says that she would not have gone out the night before because it was Monday night, their 'special night: watching television. Fish comes in and says that he is obese, according to his doctor. Wojo suggests a bicycle, but Fish says the seats will ruin you for life. Two female cops come in with a drug bust of a David Gordon. They introduce themselves to Barney as being from downstairs. The black cop says no one assigned them to the case, and the blonde says they knew the perp was dealing at a local university. Barney finds out their commanding officer won't be on duty until 4 PM, and they say they did it on their own time. Barney asks to talk to them in his office. Fish asks Nick about advice to lose weight and he suggests sex. Fish wonders who he knows that also needs to lose weight.
Part One: Barney talks the police commissioner about the two female cops and tries to defend them. To them he says to stop hot-dogging and do what their are assigned. Turner, the black cop, says they would go back to doing 'women's work.' The blonde, Carney, says that all they do traffic violations. Turner says one does not make detective by arresting little old ladies for shoplifting. Barney says that neither do they if they make embarrassing situations for their commanding officers. Turner says that they hoped a drug bust would get someone from Division to notice them and Barney says someone from Division is coming. Wojo tells Victor to get some pictures of his wife so they can start the process of finding her. Chano comes in complaining about the arrest, that he was working on busting the pusher for three weeks, that he wanted the guy's supplier. Carney offers to share the collar but Barney tells them to leave. Nick takes a call from a woman who reports screaming in an apartment nearby. Chano offers Gordon a deal to cooperate and he gives names and addresses, but few details. Nick takes Wojo to check out the screams, then Barney leaves to go to the university. Chano leaves with him to go on his drug bust.
Part Two: Luger talks to Barney in his office about the drug bust. Barney doesn't want the female cops to be made into scapegoats but Luger says someone has to be because higher-ups are getting on him about it. Nick takes a call from the woman who made the call about the screaming. She thinks the call was ignored, but Nick tells her she should have told them she lives next to a hospital. Victor returns with pictures of his wife, but Wojo thinks they look like Jean Harlow, which Fish and others confirm. Turner and Carney return in uniform and go into Barney's office. Luger tells them that even though he believes women do not belong in the police force, he decides to transfer them to another precinct where no one will find them. Turner starts crying and Carney says they are better off leaving. Luger asks Barney what he wants to and he points out their good records. Luger tells him to tell them but he says they'd rather hear it from them. Luger tries to tell them but Turner starts sobbing on his shoulder. Chano comes back saying that the guy Gordon gave him gave him more names, and they gave him more names. They decide to send the names to Narcotics and release Gordon. Luger comes out talking to Carney and Turner and tells them to get back to their job. Barney asks what he will tell the commissioner and he says he'll make up some story. Wojo says that Victor has no priors, but does have a wife and two kids. Barney asks him about his wife and Luger says they should take him to Bellevue. Victor shows him a picture of his two boys. Barney gives him the address of a doctor to talk to. Wojo shows Fish the picture of the kids and he says they are of two child actors. Victor says he doesn't know what happened to his family. He says they aren't the first people who said he had a picture of Jean Harlow, and that sometimes he isn't sure. Barney says that is a step in the right direction and Victor says he will see the doctor, then says he may just have to live with it. Wojo says he will be all right, but Victor says he still has the kids. Fish shows Barney a picture and asks who it is. Barney says it is Bernice, Fish's wife and Fish says, 'That's what I was afraid of.'
Epilogue: Fish comes in saying he lost 4 pounds. Wojo and Nick both say he took their advice. Fish says he has to be careful not to lose too much weight or Bernice will think he is more attractive and he'll lose more weight. He says, 'It's a vicious cycle. And they can ruin you for life.'