Barney Miller

Fish: (on the phone with Bernice) Of course I still love you. What else have I got to do?

Wentworth: Captain Miller, this was not my collar. Barney: I'm aware of that. Wentworth: Then why do I have to type it up? Barney: Because, Wentworth, we make no distinction here between male and female. You're just another cop. Who happens to be a good typist. Wentworth: It also happens, Captain, that I fired "expert" at the Police Academy. Barney: Good! Then don't type them. Shoot them.

Yemana: (after using pencils as chopsticks) Oh, my God. I ate my eraser.