Barney Miller

Season 1 Episode 6


Aired Thursday 8:00 PM Feb 27, 1975 on ABC

Episode Recap

Prologue: Fish is booking an elderly woman for shoplifting when Barney comes in with Det. DeLuca talking about a stakeout to watch a garage where a heroin shipment is supposed to come in. Barney notices the heat in the room; DeLuca says that the air conditioning is off for power conservation. Barney says he can't take a shower because Liz is having the bathroom re-tiled. DeLuca suggests using the YMCA for showers.
Fish comes over to talk about the stakeout and Wojo barges in demonstrating some karate moves complete with robe. He assumes that he will be going on the stakeout, but Barney tells him to stay at the precinct and answer the phones. Fish then says that he an emergency doctor's appointment and can't change it. Barney suggests he go home, but Fish says that's where he got sick. Wojo reminds Barney that after the last stakeout he promised Wojo that he could go on the next one. Barney says he didn't realize it meant so much to him, so he lets him come along. He then tells Fish to draw some speical weapons and Wojo volunteers to get them and runs out of the squadroom.

Part One: The detectives are let into a bare apartment by the landlord, Mr. Stavochek. He assumes that Barney and Fish are in a relationship, so Barney tells him that they are cops and not to tell anyone that they are in the building. Mr. Stavochek asks if they are looking for anyone in the building. Fish asks to use the bathroom sink and Stavochek says they need to pay a deposit. Barney tells him the police department will take care of it. Barney then asks Fish what the doctor said; Fish says it was either something he ate for breakfst or a paranoid depression; and he didn't eat breakfast. Barney asks what he's depressed about and Fish says it may be his divorce. Barney says he's shocked and Fish says his wife Bernice was to. He says he told her this morning and that she had no response, that she never pays attention to him. Then the landlord's wife comes in with fresh towels and a coffee pot. She puts the towels in the bathroom. Wojo brings in the weapons, even tear gas and grenades. When Barney tells him to put them away, Mrs. Stavochek speaks to him in Polish and he translates for the others. She tells Barney that she will tell the tenants not to come to the apartment or they'll be arrested. Barney asks if Fish wants to talk about his marriage and he refuses. Wojo gets the phone working and has the precinct on the line. Barney tells DeLuca to come over that night to relieve Fish. He says that Liz is calling and Barney says to put it through. Then Mr. Tannenbaum from the deli across the street comes in with food for the detectives. Liz asks Barney's opinion on the color of the tile. Mr. Tannembaum says that he's one of the precinct's best customers, having been robbed 36 times in 14 years. He says that once he put a sign up saying 'Tannenbaum means Christmas tree' only to have a robber tell him to stick his branches up. Barney tells him he'll have a patrol car go by. Tannenbaum says he has a burglar alarm that he leaves with the detectives. Barney then leaves to go back to the precinct and tells them to tell Liz 'any color but pink.' Fish starts to leave to get something to sit on when a blonde in a purple negligee comes in. She tells them that she's down the hall in 3B. After she leaves, Wojo jokingly says he'd cover for Fish, who says, 'What would I do in 3B? I can't even eat fried food!'

Part Two: The next day, Barney comes in to the apartment. Wojo and DeLuca say nothing's happpening. Barney tells them they should expect a white or light grey panel truck with New Jersey license plates to make the delivery. Fish, asleep on a chair, snores. DeLuca says he didn't want to go home; Barney says Bernice called the precinct. DeLuca says that Barney smells wonderful; he says that he is wearing Liz's perfume. Barney goes into the kitchen to get some coffee. Fish then wakes up all stiff from the chair. Wojo offers to straighten him out and Fish vehemently refuses. Barney comes in and is shocked at Fish's posture. Barney leads him to the bathroom so he can take a pill. Then Mrs. Stavochek comes in with a couple to look at the apartment. Barney says that it is an inconvenient time. She compliments him on his 'shaving lotion.' Then Tannenbaum comes in with food. Barney gets a phone call from Liz, who wants him to come back home and wait for the tile man while she goes to take David to the dentist. Barney says he can't make the choice to leave. Wojo spots a blue Ford circling the block. He gets the license plate and Fish says it's his car. Barney says that it's Bernice coming up to talk to him. She gets in and says that he forgot his pills and cream for the coffee. She also wants him to repeat what he said the day before. Tannenbaum horns in to listen until Barney pulls him away. Wojo spots a white panel truck with New Jersey plates and Barney runs to the window. Tannenbaum returns to listen in on Fish and Bernice. Fish says there is a time and a place for everything, and Bernice says that is a bad excuse. The detectives get their guns and ready themselves to go when Mrs. Stavochek comes back with the prospective couple. Barney has them, Bernice and Tannenbaum stay in the apartment. Fish calls the precinct for backup, then Brandy comes in and says hello to Fish. Bernice asks him who she is, and Fish just leaves. Then the phone rings over sirens. Tannenbaum answers; it's Liz again and he suggests blue for the color.

Epilogue: Everyone congratulates the detectives on a job well done. Fish tells Barney that Wojo and DeLuca are riding in the wagon back to the precinct. Barney tells him that he will take a shower there, then gives Fish the rest of the day off and to take Bernice home. He asks if he's sure and he tells Bernice to take him home. Bernice says she was worried about him; he says he's all right except he slept funny. She asks if he wants to go home; he says he wants go to where some attention will be paid. She says yes, then asks who the lady in the negligee was. Then Tannenbaum's alarm goes off and Barney runs out of the bathroom in just a towel. He looks out the window to see a robbery taking place, then grabs a nearby rifle and runs out.