Batman

[Adam disarms the bomb in time and with one second left] Burt Ward: Good thing that bomb was a fake. [BOOM! The bomb explodes and the blast sends Burt flying out of the cave and Adam walks out unharmed] Burt Ward: How come you didn't get burned? Adam West: Stuntman.

[getting ready to have a bar fight with four henchmen] Burt Ward: Well? Adam West: I say we fight our way out like we always did. Burt Ward: We had stuntmen then. Even if mine was always on a coffee break.

[after the Batmobile's been stolen from the charity event] Museum Hostess: The Batmobile's been stolen. Adam West: Using my key. Burt Ward: Holy tire tracks! Look, they go from two to one. It went out on two wheels. That fiend. Adam West: He may be a fiend, but he's an excellent driver.

Valet Parker: Hey, if you're looking for the Batmobile, it went that way. Adam West: [noticing he's wearing an eye patch] You have a sharp eye, my friend.

(Adam and Burt are sitting in the Batmobile) Burt Ward: Wow. You know, it seems like almost yesterday. Adam West: Almost thirty-five years, Burt. Time tumbles by. Burt Ward: You know. I forget what some of these buttons do. Adam West: I wouldn't touch those if I were... (Burt presses a button and oil sprays out on the museum guests)

[reading an invitation left on his front door] Adam West: Alfred! I need you! [opens closet] Adam West: Ah, what to wear? [sees one suit] Adam West: Eh, too flashy. [sees another one] Adam West: Too stuffy. [sees another one] Adam West: Too formal. [comes across his old Batman costume] Adam West: Too retro. Jerry the butler: [patiently after coming into the room] It's not Alfred, Mister West. It's Jerry. Alfred was the guy on the TV show. Adam West: There's a charity event at the car museum tonight. It seems I'm expected. Jerry the butler: [reads invitation] A little last minute, isn't it? Adam West: Charity doesn't punch a clock, my friend. Jerry the butler: I guess you'll be needing your tuxedo. Adam West: Nooo. I think something a little more in keeping with the times. Something a little less formal. Something...Clooneyish.

[after meeting on the set for the first time] Young Adam West: Why don't we take some time and discuss our approaches to the role? Young Burt Ward: Well, I just plan on saying my lines. [sees looks of surprise on faces of West and director] Young Burt Ward: Is there more to it than that? Young Adam West: [trying to put it delicately] Uhhh, well, yeah. Maybe a little.

Adam West: [after driving all night to the Arizona border in the search for the Batmobile] I think the clue is in our past, somewhere... Burt Ward: What's this? [removes flyer from under the car's windshield wiper] Adam West: ...we still have to find it. Burt Ward: [reads flyer] Hey Adam, look. The Highway to Arizona Bar is having a Happy Hour. Great place. Just down the street from the car museum. Adam West: [grabs flyer and reads it with stunned disbelief] You...you...you *knew* about that place?? Burt Ward: [not getting it] Yeah. Why? Adam West: [aggravated] Oh! Burt Ward: [thinks about it and realizes they've driven all night for nothing] Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!