Mr. Freeze: Mr. Freeze at a roast. Who would have "thawed" it? Of all the heroes out there, I only have "ice" for you, Batman.
Joker: You're dropping more bombs than the Batplane did on my last hideout, Grundy.
Jeffrey Ross: I must say I'm flattered that of all the comedians, you chose me, Joker.
Joker: Don't be. Groucho was unavailable.
Jeffrey Ross: Batman, I just wanna know, who put you in charge of Robin's adult supervision? I mean, I'd be worried about letting him walk to school alone than you have him disarming bombs.
Gorilla Grodd: It's funny cause it's true.
Jeffrey Ross: Yo, Batman, was everyone over the age of 10 busy? You must call him the "boy wonder" because you can't believe he's still alive.
Jeffrey Ross: Yo, Batman, what's up with that utility belt? Are you here to fight crime or remodel my bathroom? I mean, does it hold up your underwear? Because, you know, after kindergarten, most of us figure out that the undies go inside your pants. But I guess this way, you don't have to change your underwear every time you see Bane coming for you.
Jeffrey Ross: Sorry, Batman. I only roast the ones I love. And because they're holding a gun to me.
Batman: Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Ross. But I've got a few punchlines of my own I'd like to try out. Penguin, they should call you The Nail, because you're always getting pounded by the Hammers of Justice. I try not to hit your good side, Two-Face, but you don't have one. Riddler, the answer to all your riddles is this. (punches him)
Martian Manhunter: Gentlemen, I'm J'onn J'onzz. Welcome to Justice League International headquarters.
Golden Age Flash: Justice League International? You said it was the other Justice League. The good one.
Dr. Mid-Nite: I must have read the invitation wrong.
Starman: Does that mean Superman won't be here? Superman's the only reason I came.
Martian Manhunter: No one's talking to each other. Ice, why don't you try mingling?
Ice: But I don't have to go to the bathroom.
Guy Gardner: So that's the original Green Lantern? His costume designer must have been color-blind. Only thing we can learn from these geezers is how to add more fiber to our diets.
Ice: They do smell nice, though. Like mothballs and menthol rub.
Ra's al Ghul: You've had quite an exhausting night, Detective. I hope you found your little nap refreshing.
Batman: I never get tired of foiling your twisted schemes, Ra's.
Guy Gardner: Mind your own business, Gramps.
Aquaman: Hey, let's all share a story. I'll start. I'll call this tale, "Please Stop Fighting. It's Getting Awkward."
Blue Beetle: So, uh, who gets to make the big entrance quip?
Aquaman: After you, sir. Age before beauty.
Wildcat: Well, thanks, fishface. All right, punks, the party's over...
Aquaman: That's right! Your ecological incursion ends here, Ra's al Ghul! Ha-ha!
Dr. Mid-Nite: Lights out, creep!
Aquaman: That's the right prescription, Doctor.
Batman: I see I missed quite the party.
Martian Manhunter: Yes, my little soiree was just the thing they needed. It seems different generations can bond over a common desire.
Martian Manhunter: Pie.
Jeffrey Ross: You know, this superhero stuff isn't so hard. Think I might give it a try.
Batman : Stick to comedy, Jeff.
Character bios: Green Lantern (Golden Age), Starman, The Justice Society of America, Dr. Mid-Nite, Wildcat, Flash (Golden Age), Aquaman, Blue Beetle, Guy Gardner, Captain Marvel, Martian Manhunter, Ice, Joker, Ra's al Ghul, Gorilla Grodd, Mr. Freeze, Solomon Grundy
Heroes appearing without dialogue: Captain Atom, Fire, Dr. Fate, Golden Age Hawkman, the Spectre, Sandman, Hourman, Mr. Terrific, Rocket Red, Booster Gold
Villains appearing without dialogue: Riddler, Penguin, Poison Ivy, Clock King, Black Manta, Kite Man, Two-Face, Gentleman Ghost, Fun Haus, Catman, Talia, Ubu