Beautiful People (UK) Season 2 Episode 2

Debbie: Oh, well, look on the bright side. There's not many blokes can say they've been felt up by Ross Kemp.
Andy: I wouldn't be so sure. He was all over me like dermatitis.
Debbie: Is that your cousin?
(in mock Irish brogue) Dermatitis?
Andy: Debbie.
Debbie: Oh, I'm sorry, Andy. But that's the funniest thing I've heard in years.
Andy: Oh, shut up. If it was a woman coming on to me, you'd be fuming. You'd be wanting to poke her eyes out. And mine. And you wouldn't stop there, not if the carving knife was close by.
Debbie: Yeah, but it wasn't a woman, was it, Andy? It was our gay neighbor. Our gay-bor, if you like.

Nathan: Oh, Simon, I meant to say. Guess what's happening in Birmingham on May the 9th?
Simon: There's going to be a lot of people walking around with really funny accents?
Nathan: The Eurovision song contest. And I've got three tickets to see the dress rehearsal. You want to come?
Debbie: Oh, my giddy aunt, that is so generous of you, Mr. Carr.
Nathan: Is it okay?
Debbie: Okay? They'll be over the moon. What do you say, Simon?
Simon: A little bit of wee came out.
Debbie: Simon, stop showing off.

Ross: Get a life, Nathan, and a decent face.
Nathan: Don't raise your voice to me like that, Ross.
Ross: How do you want me to raise it?
(speaks in high squeaky tone)
Like this.
Nathan: Drop dead, Ross, yeah?
Ross: I wouldn't give you the satisfaction.
Nathan: You've never given me satisfaction, dear.
Ross: The only thing you've given me is warts.

Simon: Mother, what have you done to your hair?
Debbie: I've scrunch-dried it. Why?
Simon: Have you wiped car wax on your bust?
Debbie: It's body glitter.
Simon: How '70s of you. Who have you got coming around? John Travolta?
Debbie: Ooh, I wish.
Andy: Ah, that new bloke from over the road and his missus.
Simon: God, you're so suburban.
Debbie: What would you want us to be?
Simon: Sophisticated. Intellectual. Interesting.
Debbie: We're all of those things to the max, lover.
Simon: Think you better add "deluded" to that list.