Beavis: Hey check it out, this kid's pretty cool!
Announcer: Nachos: When does an affinity become a dependency? Scientists sobering conclusions, after this.
(watching "Flaming Lips")
Butt-head: What makes you think he's gonna get his wiener chopped off, Beavis.
Beavis: I don't know. Isn't that what happens when you have an operation?
Butt-head: Boy I tell you Beavis, you're a stupid son-of-a-bitch. And your mother's a whore.
Beavis: My mother's a slut, she doesn't charge for it, bunghole, and I'm not stupid.
Butt-head: Dammit Beavis, she was probably gonna pay us until you started blabbing about poop.
Beavis: Oh yeah, sorry about that. That's okay though, because I left a little something in the bed.
Beavis (About Vanilla Ice): You know, um, they're always like putting this guy down, and you know, like making fun of him and saying he sucks and stuff. But you know, he really does suck. And um, this is one of those times where everybody's right.
Announcer: Turn raw sewage into breakfast bars, and lower your cholesterol level. It's unbelievable; right after this.
Butt-head: Hey Beavis, did you cut the cheese?
Beavis: We'll have to charge you extra ma'am because of the poop.
Kid: Read me a story.
Butt-head: No way! You don't have to read if you're not in school, dude. Don't you know anything?