Beavis and Butt-Head

Van Driessen: (about the class's poor test performance) Now, I know you people are bright enough, so I'm guessing the problem lies elsewhere.

Butt-head: Settle down Beavis. And I thought I told you to quit talking about turds all the time.

(playing Paper, Rock, Scissors) Butt-head: Cool, I win again, uh, paper kills scissors.

Substitute: Good morning everybody, I'm Jim the substitute! Sorry to rush you, but we're gonna be dead in 80 years and that's barely enough time to learn anything!

Jim: Hey, what's your name? Butt-head: Uh, Joe ... Momma. Jim: Joe Momma! Ha ha ha! Hey! that's great! Lesson 2: be creative! Hey, what's your name? Beavis: Um, Jack. Jim: Okay, Jack, Jack what? Beavis: Um, Jack Momma. Jim: Okay, fair enough, well no points off for trying.

Announcer: When we return, scientists link global warming to Beavis's pants -- stay tuned.

Jim: Hey hey, Beavis and Butt-head, what'd you think of those old Superman comics I loaned ya? Butt-head: Uh, we gave 'em to this kid after he showed us a dead deer.

(watching Chavez video) Beavis: This is kinda cool. Butt-head: Uh, yeah, I mean it's like, the music is horrible, but it rules. Beavis: Yeah yeah, we should watch this all the time. Yeah, this rules. Butt-head: I bet you could score with some of those chicks in the audience by just going up to them and just saying "uh hey baby, I'm NOT in the band".

(watching Chavez video) Butt-head: This video is cool, it's got something for everyone. You know like, whatever you're into, like if you're into a dude wiggling his butt around, they've got that. If you're into lions, they've got that. Beavis: Yeah yeah yeah, or if you're into horrible music, they have that too.

Van Driessen: Class, I'm terribly disappointed in these test scores. Butt-head: We scored. Van Driessen: No Butt-head. You didn't score.