Mrs. Jordan: So, I notice you don't wear a ring. I take it you're unmarried.
Becker: Mrs. Jordan, I've already seen you naked, there's nowhere left for us to go.
Mrs Jordan: I don't see any pictures of your family Dr. Becker.
Becker: I keep them locked up.
Mrs Jordan: Your family pictures are locked up?
Becker: No, my family.
Kelly: I'll have the Cobb salad, no egg, no bacon, no cheese, no dressing.
Becker: Are you sure you want the bowl?
Becker: Oh look at this story, you're not going to believe this. Forty-five injured in toy store riot. You wanna know what led these mature adults to violence? Those stupid little beanie dolls. Are people's lives this empty? What are we talking about? It's a sweat sock with eyes!
Jake: If you're going to smoke yourself to death you may as well be awake for it.
Jake: How much pleasure can you possible get from playing tricks on a blind man?
Becker: To be honest, more than I ever imagined.
John Becker: If you and I were the last two people on this earth, that would be the only thing that we have in common.
John Becker: Caffeinated cigarettes. Am I crazy or is that a good idea?
John Becker: If he had bigger ears, he'd be a Disney character.
John Becker: (to the waiter) First of all drop the phony sychophantic charm, I am not looking for a pal I am looking for a waiter. Take that splash or vermoot out of the chicken, and make it a free range vodka martini. Put it in a glass, bring it back and let me drink it in peace.