(referring to his Christmas present) Becker: What was it? Margaret: Did you open it? Becker: No. Margaret: Then it was a very expensive watch.
Linda: Was there a star burning in the East? Becker: No. But there was a Buick on fire... in the Eastbound lane.
Becker: I always knew Christmas sucked. Now I have proof. Bob (to Margaret): You just had to tell him?
Becker: I was stuck in traffic and this guy asked me for a ride, and I gave him one... Reggie: You helped someone?!
Reggie: Becker you're awfully quiet? But, if it's my Christmas present, thank you. It's what I always wanted.
(Becker hits a woman's car in the back) Becker: Oh, come on, lady, put your finger away. It's Christmas.
Bob (to his mom): It's perfume. The saleswoman at the store said it gets rid of the old lady smell.
Becker: The guy takes off and leaves a classic car just sitting there.
(Bob's playing with a toy police car) Bob: Code blue, code blue. (Orderlies rush into the room) Bob: Sorry guys.
Bob: Mom, a cigarette? Are you crazy? You can't smoke in here, that's an oxygen tank. Bob's Mom: Relax, it's not lit. But if they ever tell me I have five minutes to live I don't want to waste it looking for a cigarette.
Stranger: Could I get a ride? Becker: No! Stranger: You know, if you had another passenger you could use the car pool lane. Becker (thinks about it): Well, it's cold out there.
Becker: Why do I have to go all the way to Queens? This is the Bronx. I could throw the gift out the window and hit a poor kid.
Becker: We need more patients like that at Christmas. Calm, not going crazy, just taking the holiday in stride.... Margaret: You mean kids? Becker: No. Jews.
Linda: Why don't you just deliver the gift to the child? Becker: He lives all the way in Queens. That's just not time, that's tolls.
Becker: Why don't you take the rest of the day off. Margaret: A whole hour, with pay? Becker: Yeah!
Margaret: I already bought the cd player for the child, John. Becker: Oh boy, it really does feel good to give back. Doesn't it?
Linda: I'm gonna go out shopping and then curl up in front of a roaring fire with this great new guy. Margaret: What new guy? Linda: I don't know, that's what I'm shopping for.
Becker: I don't want to alarm anyone, but there's a naked guy standing out here wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Margaret: You should count your blessings. He used to be standing in here.
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