Being Erica

Season 1 Episode 11

She's Lost Control

Aired Monday 9:00 PM Mar 18, 2009 on CBC



  • Trivia

    • Quotes Dr. Tom uses in this episode:

      He who controls the present, controls the past. He who controls the past, controls the future.. - George Orwell (paraphrased)
      We create our fate every day we live. - Henry Miller
      There is advantage in the wisdom won from pain. - Aeschylus
      Men in the game are blind to what men looking on see clearly. - Chinese Proverb

    • When Professor Thorsson tries to talk to Erica about Stanislavski and his approach to acting, Erica is too busy watching Claire and Ethan to pay attention. She promises the professor that she'll "Google" Stanislavski and leaves. The good professor is confused ("Google?"), as it is 1994 and the now-famous Google search engine would not even be a research project until 1996. The term Google was registered the next year and the company was incorporated in 1998. By 2006, the word was added to the Merriam-Webster and Oxford English dictionaries - as a verb.

    • Dr. Tom: I'm going from Upward Dog right into Downward Dog and you're kind of in the way there.

      Upward-Facing Dog and Downward-Facing Dog are two Yoga poses, or exercises, designed to not only relieve stress, but to stretch and strengthen the entire body - especially the back. Downward Dog is considered a beginner's pose, while Upward Dog is more of an intermediate level exercise.

    • The title of this episode is taken from a 1980 song by the British post-punk band, Joy Division.

    • Featured Music:
      "Reunion" by Stars (Erica's brunch party)
      "Every Little Thing" by Melanie Doane (Closing scene)

  • Quotes

    • Erica: Control. You might call it a life-long obsession. Within a year of birth, we're already throwing fits, trying to control everything and anything that touches our lives … Our addiction to control starts early, and it doesn't end there. The terrible twos, the teenage years - our whole lives are a constant battle between what we want and what stands in our way.

    • Julianne (to Erica): Impress me, otherwise this little "foray" into the world of junior editor? More like … a detour.
      Brent: I would not wanna be in your shoes, and … not just because you're wearing cheap Patrick Cox knock-offs.

    • Brent: Interesting, but real people can't act, real people can't stick to a script. So if you want my help, I think we should …
      Erica: Actually, Julianne put me in charge of the title, so, I'm launching it the way I want to.
      Brent: Hmm. Well then, good luck with that.
      Erica: B-B-Brent …
      Brent: No-no-no-no-no. No, really. You make a mean latte, so I'm sure you're totally qualified to launch a book … on your own.
      Erica: Control. It's a dangerous obsession. Take it too far … and you could risk losing it altogether.

    • (Meeri hands Julianne a glass of less-than-impressive wine)
      Julianne: Oh, wow, memories of … communion. (clears throat, hands it back and walks off)
      Erica: Meeri, it's like I told you the other day, alright? We're aiming for something really special here and there is nothing special about a cheap bottle of screw-top wine.

    • (an agitated Erica finds Dr. Tom on the floor, with incense burning)
      Dr. Tom: The lotus position, also known as the padmasana. Yoga prepares the body for meditation, which allows us to observe our thoughts, so that we're not controlled by them - also lights a fire under your kundalini.
      Erica: Pardon me?

    • Jenny: Erica, the best way to get over a guy is to get under one. It's a fact. And by under, I mean Alex Berlin.
      Erica: Oh, okay, Alex Berlin. He thinks I'm a pathological lying freak - and he likes trains.
      Jenny: So what? Oh my God, If I'd known back in grade 11 what I know now …
      Judith (laughs): No, I do think that is a great idea though. His number's in the alumni directory.
      Jenny: Yes! It's either Alex or Ethan. You're way too pretty to die an old maid. Now, I know it's a long shot, but I'm just gonna call Alex and invite him to brunch - and I'll forget to tell him that it's here, hosted by you, the freak.

    • (Erica returns from a regret to find Dr. Tom doing more Yoga exercises)
      Erica: I kissed him again.
      Dr. Tom: Who? Alex Berlin?
      Erica: No, Ethan.
      Dr. Tom: I'm going from Upward Dog right into Downward Dog and you're kind of in the way there.
      Erica: Hey! Did you … did you hear what I said?
      Dr. Tom: Oh, yeah. You kissed Ethan. It's not like it's the first time.
      Erica: But it is the first time … again. And I wasn't supposed to, but I did. And why did I do that? I mean, what is it? Unavoidable? (Dr. Tom just keeps doing Yoga) Wha…? What if I was meant to go back and not-not keep us apart, but get us together? What if I was wrong all along?
      Dr. Tom: "We create our fate every day we live". Henry Miller.

    • (Erica is distracted watching Claire and Ethan)
      Professor: I'm a firm believer in the Stanislavski system, have you heard of it?
      Erica: Uh, no.
      Professor: It's a wonderful tool. You take the text and make it your own. You play out your emotions, how you would feel as Erica, not Juliet.
      Erica: Okay, that … so, Stanislavski?
      Professor: Mm-hmm.
      Erica: That's great, you know what? I'm gonna Google him. Thank you. (leaves to catch Ethan)
      Professor (perplexed): Google?

    • Dr. Tom: So, how goes it? Is your regret everything you hoped for and more?

    • (Erica is trying to dissuade Claire from pursuing Ethan)
      Claire: Oh, yeah? What makes you think I'm not his type?
      Erica: I just do - and you're not. I mean, you might think so, but long-term? I don't know.
      Claire: Okay. Well, maybe it's time I go and find that out myself.
      Erica: Uh, you know, I-I just … I wouldn't do that.
      Claire: Why not?
      Erica: Because.
      Claire: Because what?
      Erica: Because, um … Ethan … is gay.
      Claire: What?
      Erica: Mm-hmm. And I don't wanna be the one to gossip about it, but just the way that he is, you know, in our scenes when it comes to all the kissing stuff in the scene. The fact that he's in drama class, I mean, kinda gay.
      Claire: Wow, I never would've … suspected.
      Erica: Yeah, I know, I feel your pain, I do. And you just, you know what? Forget about him. Go out and … find a nice straight guy.

    • Erica: Uh, just now, I mean … on stage … I, not that I'm complaining at all, but, I mean, you said that you weren't gonna do the kiss, so … why did you do the kiss?
      Ethan: To prove to you … that I, Ethan Wakefield, am not gay. You know, I should be really mad at you for spreading that little rumor.
      Erica: I - I …
      Ethan: No, no, no. I get it. I'm a guy in drama and I kinda freaked out when you kissed me.
      Erica: I am so sorry, Ethan.
      Ethan: It's an honest mistake.
      Erica: So, you don't, I mean, you don't hate me?
      Ethan: I did, at first, but, um … I owe you.
      Erica: For what?
      Ethan: Your crazy rumor was a definite conversation starter with Claire. When I cleared everything up, she asked me out on a date. It's because of you.
      Erica (tight lipped): Oh!
      Ethan: So, buds? (offers fist bump)
      Erica (exhales): Buds.

    • Dr. Tom: Well, let me guess … Andrea's still on stage with Katie - chipping away at your promotion, bit by naughty bit - and Ethan is, uh … Hey, wh-where's Ethan?
      Erica: Dr. Tom, you know where Ethan is. Ethan is with Claire.
      Dr. Tom: Oh, really? 'Cause, you know what? I thought for sure that when you went back to change history, that history woulda changed.
      Erica: History or fate?
      Dr. Tom: Oh, Erica. Now, come on, you should know better than anyone, at this point, that there's no such thing as fate.

    • (Andrea is onstage, spanking herself)
      Brent: Classy.
      Erica: Brent …
      Brent: Talk to the hand because the Brent isn't listening.
      Erica: I need your help, Brent, I really do.
      Brent: I tried to help you, you pushed me away. So why should I help you now?
      Erica: Because I thought that I could do it all, because I was so determined to make today perfect that I just got lost in the details and … I refused to respect anyone else's opinion other than my own.
      Brent: And …?
      Erica: And I was a total, insane control freak?
      Brent: Bingo. Alright, I will work my magic, but on one condition : you do everything I tell you to, no questions asked.
      Erica: I promise.
      Brent: Good. Alright, now let's get up on stage. If this book is your life, then … let's hear it. Whoa, that domestic discipline thing, is there a website?

    • (Erica is being interviewed on stage)
      Katie: Why do you think you're still single?
      Erica: You know, it's this … rabid desire, you know, to find "the one". It-it sounds like it's about the guy, but really, it's about the girl.
      Katie: How do you mean?
      Erica: Well, it's the expectations we have, you know? It cuts the male right out of the equation because any good relationship, it's about both people.
      Katie: You mean, you've spent so many years going after what you want that you forgot that half of the relationship is actually in somebody else's hands?
      Erica: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. 'Cause any true relationship, it's-it's never just about yourself, so … so, if you can stop looking at it like that, and-and put aside your desire to find "the perfect man", you might just find the man that's perfect for you.

    • Erica: There comes a day when we suddenly realize that the control we seek will forever remain just outside our grasp. For some, it's a terrifying discovery … while, for others, it's strangely liberating. If the only person I can control is me, that means I'm off the hook for the other six billion souls making their way in this crazy world.

  • Notes

    • International Episode Titles:
      Czech Republic: Ztráta kontroly (Loss of Control)

    • Original International Air Dates:
      U.S. : April 30, 2009 on SOAPnet
      Netherlands : June 16, 2009 on Net 5
      U.K. : November 30, 2009 on E4

  • Allusions