"How Bizarre" by OMC
"Who Will Save Your Soul (iTunes Originals Version)" by Jewel
"Time Has Come Today" by Joseph Lamar Chambers and Willie Mack Chambers
"Another Way to Cry" by Justin Hines
Quotes Dr. Tom uses in this episode:
There is no try, only do. - Yoda
To err is human, but to forgive is divine. - Alexander Pope (paraphrased)
They screw you up, your mom and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. - Philip Larkin (paraphrased)
The title of this episode is also the title of one of Philip Larkin's most famous and controversial poems, controversial not only for its dark accusation and conclusion, but for the bluntness of the famous four-letter-word used in the opening line. The title of Larkin's poem is itself an allusion to Robert Louis Stevenson's ode to finding a happy "homecoming" in death, Requiem - which is where the title line is taken from ("this be the verse you grave for me"). In the end, Larkin argues that the only escape from the Old Testament's cycle of "visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children" is to simply abstain from the process:
Man hands on misery to man, it deepens like a coastal shelf
Get out as early as you can, and don't have any kids yourself
Erica: They say we should strive to forgive and forget, too often we do neither. Instead, we hold grudges, we stay mad.
Barbara: Oh, no, I see. On the most important holiday of the year, you have time for your father, but not for me?
Erica: Mom, that's not what this is about, okay? I am not picking sides, I'm just, I'm staying neutral, okay? Like Switzerland.
Barbara: And I want my daughters speaking to each other.
Erica: There we go, that didn't take long.
Barbara: You know, this fight between you two, it's reached a point where it's destroying the family.
Erica: I think someone else deserves credit for that.
Barbara (gently scoffs): You know, no matter what I say, it's always the same - your father's the saint and … everything that's wrong with the world is my fault.
(Josh rolls his eyes as Sam hangs up the phone)
Josh: No, I … (clears throat) I just love a religion where you can screw up throughout the year, and then just clean the slate with one little phone call.
Ryan: Nice to meet you. Cantor? Is that like a Rabbi?
Lily: Mm-m, more like a lead vocalist.
Dr. Tom: As the wise master from the Dagobah swamp once said : "There is no try, only do."
Erica: Did you just quote Yoda?
Dr. Tom (mimics Yoda): Mm-hmm. You know, Yoda was really just a mash-up of a lot of the Eastern religions traditions, but primarily, he was drawn from Buddhism. And the Buddhists … they spin these prayer wheels … while they recite the mantra which is inscribed along the side. (chants) "Oh mani padma hum." Which they believe inspired the spirit of compassion … and of understanding … and forgiveness. You wanna take it for a spin?
Samantha (playing Scrabble): "Assman" isn't a word.
Josh: Oh, it's more than a word, it's a way of life.
Erica: And she knew … all along. I mean … how is that possible?
Dr. Tom: People surprise you.
Erica: No, but these aren't people, they're my parents. And my dad … that's not my dad. He's not impulsive or … uh, underhanded.
Dr. Tom: No?
Erica: He's not, I know my dad, and it's always my mom that's been more like that.
Dr. Tom: Apparently not in this case.
Erica: Why would she cover for him?
Dr. Tom: Maybe, you don't know your parents as well as you think you do.
Erica: Maybe, maybe I don't know them at all.
Dr. Tom: Maybe that's something you might wanna work on.
Dr. Tom: This is the hippie commune that your parents came to before they were married.
Erica: I'm sorry, but I'm-I'm not following.
Dr. Tom: It's 1974.
Erica: '74, but … how? Cause I'm not … I'm not born until '76?
Dr. Tom (chuckles): You know, the Hindu's, they believe that we exist before we're born, that our consciousness floats around out there.
Erica: Okay, you've totally lost me.
Dr. Tom: Okay, simple version? Some traditions suggest that we choose our parents for what we have to teach them, or, you know, vice versa.
Erica: So you're telling me that I-I choose Gary and Barbara Strange? Wow, bad choice?
Dr. Tom: Oh, yeah, you figure? Well, maybe you should check that out for yourself. (points to young Barbara)
Erica: Oh, my God. Ma …
Dr. Tom: Yeah, in the flesh. Why don't you go talk to her?
Erica: Oh, uh, and say what? Hey, don't, you know, don't marry dad 'cause he's a big cheater.
Dr. Tom: Erica, your whole life, all you've seen is your parents at sea, right? Battling the storm. Well, you see that? Right here, right now, that is the calm before the storm. That is year zero of the Gary/Barb union. You should check it out. Maybe there's a piece of the puzzle there that you're missing.
(Young Barb is staring at the sky)
Erica: Think it's gonna fall?
Young Barb (laughs): Starlight, hi. Gary says you can see a whole menagerie of animals. Maybe it's me, but all I see are clouds.
Erica (laughs): Smoke another, Garry, right?
Erica: You're-you're kinda full of it, aren't you?
Young Gary: Who isn't?
Erica: Uh, Barbara, your wife, the woman that you're ignoring while you're off kick-starting the men's movement out here with all your junkie friends.
Young Gary: We're all one, Starlight, one big collective soul. So, you getting mad at me is just like you getting mad at yourself.
Erica: It's always about you, isn't it, and-and your spiritual angst and your needs? I mean, do you honestly think that that's gonna last forever? Huh? Her looking at you with stars in her eyes and you just calling the shots all the time? You keep deluding yourself and let's see where it leads you.
Young Gary: I'm not deluding myself. I love Barb with my whole heart, my whole self, you know? What happened to make you so bitter?
Erica: My parents.
Young Gary: Mine, too. I used to get really bent out of shape about it until I realized that … they don't have the answers. They never did, they're just like us, you know? Just tryin' to figure it all out. Are you always perfect, Starlight? Do you always make every right choice?
Erica: What a day, or … days, or … whatever. You know, there was, uh, there was a part of me that really thought … that Sam and I weren't gonna be able to work it out.
Dr. Tom: Well, no limitation, no timetable, no last chance when it comes to forgiveness. Of course, the question is, now that you've been forgiven, can you turn around and forgive someone else?
Erica: My father? And I know that the answer to that should be "yes", but, the truth is … I just don't know.
Dr. Tom: Einfuhlung.
Dr. Tom: It's a German word. It means "the you in me and the me in you."
Erica: Oh, God. You sound like my dad.
Dr. Tom: He's a smart guy, your father.
Erica: He's a hypocrite.
Dr. Tom: He's human.
Erica: Well, it doesn't make it any easier to forgive him.
Dr. Tom: True, but nobody said it was easy. Go on, eat. Break your fast, Erica, your day of atonement is over.
Erica: Every sin, every slip-up, is another opportunity to grow. They give us the chance to change the things we can, and to accept the things we can't.
International Episode Titles:
Czech Republic: Tak už to chodí (That's the Way Things Are)
Original International Air Dates:
U.S. : April 9, 2009 on SOAPnet
Netherlands : May 26, 2009 on Net 5
U.K. : November 9, 2009 on E4