Paul F. Tompkins: But Tyra didn't just interview creeps, she also talked to some skanks. Like this skank, who is selling what's left of her virginity in an online auction.
Paul F. Tompkins: Last year, a lot of people were saying our favorite talk show host, Tyra Banks, was on her way to being the next Oprah but Tyra showed them there's no room on the couch for Maya Angelo when Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis is available.
Paul F. Tompkins: Joe I hope one day you get to meet Nelson Mandela and tell him that yourself because I have always wanted to see Nelson Mandela hit someone with a sock filled with nickels. Why do I want that so bad?
Melissa Rauch: In the end Sarah Palin may be having the Best Year Ever but because she certainly wasted everyone else's time, she didn't waste any of her own. She got her glasses in about an hour.
Melissa Rauch: You know the difference between a hockey mom and one of those turkeys? Lipstick and a face.
Paul F. Tompkins: One thing remain true of John McCain, he was always kinda confused like a dog who's lost because everything he urinated on was washed clean by a sudden rain.
Paul F. Tompkins: Although the 2008 Presidential race started before most of use were born, it was this January that we got to watch the candidates awkwardly pander to absolutely everyone. from country music fans to wrestling fans to African Americans.
Paul F. Tompkins: Without a doubt the biggest story of the year was politics, because it was an election year, otherwise who cares. Is there a lesson there? I don't know?
Paul F. Tompkins: Welcome to Best Year Ever, our year end wrap up spectacular. Usually it takes us a half hour to get through one week so we're taking one hour to get through fifty-two weeks. You start drinking cough syrup right now, it'll fly bye.
Melissa Rauch: And when Sarah lost the election she faced two choices: Either quietly take her place in history and preserve some dignity for herself and women everywhere or keep jumping in front of cameras. Any cameras. Even those cameras that were already pointed at turkey murder.
Paul F. Tompkins: (about Carol Channing) Look, I know the housing market has been bad, but, she just bought a house? She's 200 years old. What was she waiting for?
Paul F. Tompkins: Well we are in the thick of it and everyone is wondering who's having the Best Year Ever according to the popular vote. So let's look in on the returns with the host of MSNBC's Countdown, Keith Olberman. Keith, who's in the lead?
Keith Olberman: Paul? What are you talking about? Best Year Ever is a fake award that you just arbitrarily assign to someone. There are no returns.
Paul: Okay. Well, will you do the thing where you throw the paper and it breaks the camera?
Paul: Well thanks Keith, we'll check back in with you a little later.
Keith: You better not.
Paul F. Tompkins: Well as we get closer and closer to revealing who is having the Best Year Ever, let's check in with the host of the Rachel Maddow Show on MSNBC, Rachel Maddow, who is standing by with an important update.
Rachel Maddow: No I'm not. I'm about to do my show.
Paul: Well, that is very important! Are you going to talk about who's having the Best Year Ever at all?
Rachel: Keith warned me you would do this. Can you go bother Chuck Todd?
Paul: He doesn't have….a show. Let's move on.