Jessi Klein: Oh, my God, I actually am a little bit excited for Strip Poker. I'm not gonna lie to you. That is something I would watch and not tell anyone about except for on this TV show.
Christian Finnegan: [Re Jessica Simpson IQ of 160] Also, according to Mom--Jessica is clairvoyant. She can press coal into diamonds. And she's made of rainbows and fruit roll-ups apparently. Who knew?
Adam Winer: [Re Fat Joe's Lean Back] I haven't seen a dance move so simple since Will Smith's "nod your head." I had that down too.
Doug Benson: Who's my favorite contestant on strip poker: the loser.
Chuck Nice: I like Carmen Electra. She's constantly doing things to make my wanker happy.
Michael Colton: A whore is someone that has sex for money. Paris [Hilton] has sex for publicity.
Sherrod Small: [Re Jeopardy] Most of those geeks know the answers but they just can't work the hand. Most of theirs are numb from all the masturbation they do.
Paul Sheer: [Jeopardy contestant] The super categoy that will bring down Ken Jennings is, "What girls like."
Miss Info: [Re Britney Spears diet] Oh I know, it's the slim trash diet.