Jessica St. Clair: It's not enough for Jewel just to say her criticism, she needs to sing it.
Doug Benson: Family Jewels!! Are they cold or did someone just punch him in the balls?
Doug Benson: I'm surprised she used the word bathroom when she could of used the word potty. Why do a triple potty when you can go for a fourple potty?
Judah Friedlander: How does this lady even know what a terrorists fist jab is? Maybe she is a terrorist. You pull that blonde wig off her bald head and shes got a tattoo of Saddam Hussain on top of that thing. She's the terrorist.
Chuck Nice: I'm Chuck Nice and it may be hot outside but in here its sizzling.
Doug Benson: Hes right, you don't have to live in a cardboard box, but if you do, please put a solar panel on it to do your part. Thank you.
Chuck Nice: In show where they're suppose to be teaching us about living green, they couldn't have picked a worst representative.
Judah Friedlander: Dude, are you trying to win her love or kill yourself.
Judah Friedlander: Finally Brian from the Bachelorette released the video for his new song Creepy Mono Tone Stalking Boring Guy.
Judah Friedlander: Amy, come on, you smoke crack with that mouth?
Sherrod Small: If this is what this competition is about, I don't know what the competition is about.
Judah Friedlander: Yes its true Lucinda Dickey was in Breakin' and Breakin' 2. However, she was the amateur breaker and popper in those movies.
Adam Winer: If these are the contestants I'm just wondering who the hell did they get to be the judges?? No seriously, who??
Christian Finnegan: The show is pretty much like hanging out at your cousin's wedding except there's no open bar.
Paul F. Tompkins: This week new photos of the pregnant man woman man were released and while many news outlets refuse to show this photo
(shows photo of pregnant man shaving with no shirt)
because it scares red states. I was more concerned with this photo
(Shows photo of pregnant man holding a parrot)
Has he even bothered explaining all pf this to his parrots!!!!
Judah Friedlander: Can't think of a better way to say bye to a guest. Feel my butt and i will feel your butt. Okay now we can move on to the next segment. Thanks Tyra.
Jessica St. Clair: I thought it was impressive that Tyra was able to throw to commercial while Carney was busy humping her.
Paul F. Tompkins: Now its not an episode of Tyra unless there's a moment that demeans the entire message, but this one, ohh boy, it took the cake and it went right to its ass.
Christian Finnegan: Look Tyra, I know your from the fashion world, but people who avoid food aren't called sober their called anorexic.
Paul F. Tompkins: Since every third Tyra show is about body image, when she had Carney Wilson on, I thought I knew what to expect, but i was thrown a curve ball. A twelve step curve ball
Frangela: Jewel showed us a lot on Nashville Star this week. She showed us that she was crazy, that she can argue with the judges, that she was four inches away from making out with a male contestant. You watch out Paula Abdul. There's a new crazy judge in town.
Doug Benson: Jewel may not be getting along with the other judges but she really made a connection with Justin the model slash....model.
Sherrod Small: When did she turn so country?? She grew up in a van. It wasn't parked in Hazard County. It was parked in Seattle
Tom McCaffrey: Then Jewel stood up for one of the other contestants and got into a heated debate with the other judges: Some guy in a cowboy hat and the Beastmaster
Paul F. Tompkins : She just imitating that one girl like, Here's you!! Ughh lalalala. That's no constructive. I would have to say that's its destructive.
Doug Benson: I don't know what you were talking about Piddy Daddy, but I'm definitely going to vote now. Or in November. I'll wait.
Doug Benson: As the video message goes on, Captain Puffy Pants himself realizes that he's not making any sense and just tries to change the subject.
Christian Finnegan: Yeah I lived my life too, it doesn't mean I can just start calling myself Finnebago and exspect people to respond to it. Seriously call me Finnebago.
Paul F. Tompkins: But then, I heard it was just a nasty rumor made by Diddy himself.
Paul F. Tompkins: When I heard that Diddy was going to change his name again, of course I put a pot on my head and I crawled under the bed to hide.
Christian Finnegan: You wouldn't like me when I'm subjected to Hulk promotional tines
What? They just made this movie 5 years ago.
Stupid Hulk light bulb!!
Were in an economic downturn!
Not you Feregno!