Sherrod Small: I've seen it a million times. I'm at a party, some girls dancing around do a split or something, metal shoots off her panties kills somebody. Let this be a lesson to all the future winners of Best Week Ever, okay it might be going well now, but you could get shoot in the eye with your own underwear.
Frangela: Was it me or did those swimsuits get Dan all hot and bothered? Mama like...
Doug Benson: Its true, just like grapes, a good poop stomping will bring out all of the flavor and aroma and then your ready to make poop wine.
Paul F. Tompkins: Derrick is so much like Brittney that he even has a family that pretends to leech off him and not care about his well being. He's got it down.
Paul F. Tompkins: David Hasselhoff was so moved by this performance that he lashed out at Johnathan's classmates. Ohh he had had it.
Doug Benson:If gay marriage is just two old guys sitting around eating sandwiches and watching television, count me in!
Jessica St. Clair: Even their tame story about who proposed first had its theatrics.
John Mulaney: See America, there's nothing weird about gay marriage. And here to drive the point home is an elderly Japanese man from Star Trek with a cowboy voice and botox.
John Mulaney: That was pretty rough writing that on a porta pottie. However, from the porta pottie's perspective probably not the worse thing that happened that weekend.
Paul F. Tompkins: Tell you what though. Nobody makes white guys in dreadlocks wait two hours not even Kanye. These guys took to the streets, sort of. They graffitied the porta potties. Power to the people!
Judah Friedlander: Want to go see an on time performer? Go see Miley Cyrus. She's never late. She's always right on time. Billy Ray Cyrus he's actually early to his concerts. He starts playing fifteen minutes early.
Christian Finnegan: This is outrageous! I've got a Wake-and-Bake to get to. My ferret sitter gets paid by the hour people.
Christian Finnegan: Since when did jam bam enthusiasts been so insistent on punctuality?
Nether-garments: snug fitting men's underwear ads end up everywhere.