Rob Heubel: I did some dumb things. I burned down my boss' house…and I owe you a cat. I admit that, okay? I ate seventeen cheesecakes topped with bacon, sprinkled, just sprinkled with heroin. It was delicious but a terrible idea, I know it was a terrible idea. And I had sex , a lot, with different things and I didn't wear a condom and now my privates are all black and it's the worst thing. Why am I always falling for this stuff man? Like Y2K sucked me in and I still got piles of tuna fish cans and bottled water and ammunition and gasoline. It's so dumb! (picks up newspaper) What's that? Russia is re-aiming their nuclear missiles at the U.S.? Yes! I'm back! Where are my syringes? Where are they!