Christopher Briggs: Shyne is having an amazing week. You know what: it couldn't happen to a nicer convicted felon.
Paul F. Tompkins: The only thing that could make this week better for Shyne is if he got gang-raped...by Grammy nominations.
Paul F. Tompkins: J-Lo as your step mother. Excellent. Before you're even old enough to say, "You're not my real mom," she's married to someone else.
Christian Finnegan: [Re Nelly's "Pimp Juice" Scholarship Fund] Pimp stands for Positive Intellectual Motivated Person. It has nothing to do with selling sex for money.
Sherrod Small: I'd like to taper with Marion Jones, cause she's got that track ass.
Kennedy: [Re the Gigliversary] Do I remember where I was the fateful day that Gigli came out? Well, I tried to find Gigli in a movie theater, but by noon it had been yanked out of every theater from a 300 hundred mile vicinity.
Marina Franklin: [Re the Alien v. Predator film] I'm totally rooting for the Predator, cause he's a Rastafarian brother.
Sherrod Small: He's like a Jamaican from Mars, and he's going to be high, and during the fight he's going to be like, "Man I don't want to fight you man. No beef."
Leigh Kessler: The last person to use the Los Angeles subway was Keanu Reeves in Speed.
Christian Finnegan: [Re Collin Ferrel's underwear, spoken with an Irish accent] "The ladies are always after my lucky charms, and my **ck."
Michael Colton: [Re Growing Up Gotti] She's not in the mafia. She's a humble importer of olive oil.
Rachel Harris: The exciting new sport in the [Athens] Olympics is women's wrestling. Those crazy bitches.
Paul F. Tompkins: [Re Tapering] The last Olympics the condom machine had to be refilled every two hours. That's a lot of rubbers.