Better Off Ted

Season 2 Episode 3

Battle of the Bulbs

Aired Tuesday 9:30 PM Dec 22, 2009 on ABC
out of 10
User Rating
69 votes

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Episode Summary

Linda makes a small suggestion on Ted's biggest project, a light-bulb that will burn forever, and suddenly gets all of the credit, much to his dismay. Meanwhile, Lem's mother, a brilliant and intimidating scientist, comes for a visit and begins having an affair with Dr. Bhamba.

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    Mike Siegel

    Mike Siegel

    Executive #1

    Guest Star

    Jesse Henecke

    Jesse Henecke


    Guest Star

    Khandi Alexander

    Khandi Alexander

    Stella Clifton

    Guest Star

    Maz Jobrani

    Maz Jobrani

    Dr. Bhambra

    Recurring Role

    Terry Rhoads

    Terry Rhoads


    Recurring Role

    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (16)

      • Ted: The potential for a long-lasting light bulb is enormous. In a recent study, people's desire to see things ranked third, right after hitting things and trying to have sex with things.

      • (as Lem and Bhamba slapfight)
        Ted: Gentlemen, when you fight like that, manhood weeps.

      • Ted: And I can't get enough of the company's love.
        Linda: Maybe you and the company should spend a weekend in wine country together, share a couple of bottles one evening, maybe convince it not to wear panties to dinner. (walks away)
        Veronica: You should jump on that, Ted, before the crazy outweighs the hot.

      • Ted: I'm saying, can't we just let this one go? It wouldn't be the first time we didn't hire a brilliant scientist because someone at the company would be upset. Remember Bob Hitler?
        Veronica: No, I forgot the scientist named Hitler. Okay, fine, we won't go after Lem's mom. But this would be easier to sell upstairs if someone named Clifton had bombed the hell out of London.

      • Lem: Mommy?
        Stella: Hello, sweetheart. How was your day at the crap factory?
        Lem: You know, sometimes I feel that you judge what I do.

      • Stella: What will people do without a helmet that feeds them cheeseburgers or a remote control for their underpants?
        Lem: We're not making a cheeseburger helmet. They pulled the plug after it fed one of the test subjects to death.

      • Veronica: I know what you're going through. When my little sister came along, I was very jealous. That feeling never went away--even when she so she was older and I put testosterone in her orange juice, so she became hairy and unlovable and got kicked off the gymnastics team for doping.
        Ted: Oh, my God!
        Veronica: I was not a perfect child, Ted. My parents only had so much love, and I got it, and Monkey Girl didn't. Anyway, don't be like that.

      • Ted: Okay! Everybody's here.
        Linda: Okay! Everybody's here.
        Ted: I know you're co-leading this, but that doesn't mean just repeating what I say.
        Linda: Maybe you're repeating what I say just before I get a chance to say it.

      • Dr. Bhamba: Why are you looking up my mother's Facebook page?
        Lem: I'm going to find her, seduce her, and make sensitive yet vigorous love to her.
        Dr. Bhamba: Well, that's the one thing we haven't tried to get her out of her coma.

      • Lem: She's always reminding me that while she's unlocking the secrets of the universe, I'm trying to design a toaster that can handle a pizza bagel.
        Dr. Bhamba: That would be a boon to both Jews and Italians.

      • Lem: Your breakthroughs in weapons technology have made warfare exponentially more horrifying.
        Dr. Bhamba: Well... I don't know about that. It takes a village to kill a village.

      • Rose: If you think about it, it's not hard to figure out what people want, especially if they tell you over and over about it again.
        Ted: We're not getting a motorcycle with a sidecar. It's just not practical.
        Rose: We'll see.

      • Veronica: Linda, just listen to yourself. Those are just facts, and facts are just opinions, and opinions can be wrong.

      • Veronica: Now get in there and run that meeting like a shark driving an assault vehicle through a herd of seals wearing chum pants.

      • Ted: If you join the Veridian team, you would have access to unmatched scientific resources, from hydro-perlation nongravitational calibrations, to executives who only know the name of one cool thing but will stay out of your way.

      • Phil: You're so desperate to score points with the company, you're trying to hire this hot, sexy woman, even though you know it would destroy Lem. Yes, I think you're sexy. Yes, I don't have a lot of grown-up drinks, and yes, I wish I had a third yes. And, yes, I don't.

    • NOTES (1)

      • International Airdates:
        Latin America: March 29, 2010 on Canal FX
        Czech Republic: May 13, 2010 on Prima COOL
        UK: September 14, 2010 on FX
        Slovakia: March 17, 2013 on JOJ Plus

    • ALLUSIONS (0)