Better Off Ted

Season 2 Episode 12

It's My Party and I'll Lie If I Want To

Aired Tuesday 9:30 PM Unknown on ABC



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Ted: As Veronica has demonstrated with her alarming mixture of sex and death, you two need to recalibrate this so that even she can't fool us.

    • Veronica: It's not fair, all you people with your kids. Palling around after hours, networking, advancing your careers. And I get left behind just because I don't want to turn my uterus into a human veal farm.
      Tedl: Well, some call it "the miracle of life," but okay.

    • Veronica: Just be careful, Ted. There's a reason they call it the "kid mafia."
      Ted: Because you started calling it that?
      Veronica: Yes. And because one minute you're flying high with Chet, and the next you're buried in the desert with a bullet in your skull. Or whatever the kid equivalent is. Probably something with poop.

    • Linda: My brother smashed up my car and I need $5,000 to get it fixed. The company said they wouldn't advance it to me unless I agreed to carry a cloned orangutan to term.
      Phil: I wouldn't do it. Orangutan arms are so long, they poke out way before the rest of them. The last two weeks of the pregnancy, they'll be picking up everything you drop.
      Linda: Thank you. Finally I have a good reason not to be implanted with an orangutan embryo.

    • Linda: All right, I'll take your money.
      Lem: Excellent. Then it's time to lower the gangplank and welcome you aboard the Friend Ship.
      Phil: Please don't judge us for that.

    • Ted: Boy, I'd love to be part of Galaxy Omega. It's going to change the way we communicate with animals. Which up until now has been talking with them, getting frustrated with them, and then eating them.

    • Ted: I'm just thinking about Rose. She would hate Nigeria. You know what they say, it's not just the heat, it's the driving around in the trunk of a car, not knowing if you're going to live or die.

    • Ted: Actually, getting Rose a dress is a good idea. Thanks, Linda. You really are a girl.
      Linda: Yes, I am. And it's not just the genitals. It's a whole lifestyle.

    • Phil: It's hard being friends with girls.
      Lem: It's hard being friends with guys.
      Phil: I wish there was a third gender. Something with boobs that was incapable of judgment.

    • Voiceover: Veridian Dynamics. Lying. It's always wrong. But sometimes companies have to say things that aren't 100% true. Is that wrong? No. When companies aren't truthful, it's not because we're bad. It's because we understand things that you don't. Veridian Dynamics. People lie. Companies protect their interests. It's different.

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • Title:
      Referencing the 1963 song It's My Party, sung by Leslie Gore, and written by John Gluck, Wally Gold, and Herb Weine. The full refrain is "It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to."

    • Veronica: Every spring, on a remote island, Sean Connery and I hunt the most dangerous game, Man. Referencing the 1924 short story The Most Dangerous Game (aka The Hounds of Zaroff), by Richard Connell. In it, a big-game hunter is stranded on an island belonging to Russian aristocrat General Zaroff. Zaroff hunts humans for sport, having grown bored with killing animals, and gives the hunter three days to avoid him and his dogs.