Better Off Ted

Season 2 Episode 13

Swag the Dog

Aired Tuesday 9:30 PM Unknown on ABC
out of 10
User Rating
37 votes

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Episode Summary

Phil and Lem embark on a quest to gain respect around the office, Veronica goes on a reluctant treasure hunt inside the Veridian building, and Ted and Linda go their separate ways amid rumors that Ted was showing favoritism among staff.

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  • The sadly final episode of this brilliant series.

    Much like Arrested Development, Better Off Ted was cut down in its prime. But maybe like AD, that's a better result for fans who never had to witness a drop in quality of this laugh-riot.

    The final episode gives a tantalising hint of what could have been in the next season, with Ted and Linda sharing their first kiss (outside of a HAZMAT suit). We also get the usual two-man show that is Lem and Phil, this time trying to get more popular in the office by counterfeiting tickets to Veridian's new reward scheme. Veronica gets a less funny plotline as she escorts a former CEO around the office, but this results in an over-the-top fight in the basement using a saw and a plank of wood.

    I've already re-watched the second season since it aired and will keep doing so; this show just never gets old. I hope Andrea Anders (Linda) as well as Jonathan Slavin (Phil) and Malcolm Barrett (Lem) return to our screens soon; I think I'll miss Linda's random rants and Lem & Phil's zany antics the most.moreless
Dakin Matthews

Dakin Matthews

Arthur Wells

Guest Star

Rachelle Wood

Rachelle Wood


Guest Star

Donald Li

Donald Li

Asian Man

Guest Star

Bill Stevenson

Bill Stevenson


Recurring Role

Terry Rhoads

Terry Rhoads


Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (12)

    • Veronica: The board of directors has a meeting this week, and upper management wants to present a new idea on how to increase productivity. Something impressive, that will razzle-dazzle them.
      Ted: Should I get to work on a musical number? (sings) "If... your... profits..."
      Veronica: And... curtain.

    • Veronica: One of the executives takes his daughter to a game arcade, and when they win, they get tickets, which they trade in for prizes. Even though the prizes are worthless, the little girls work themselves into a psychotic frenzy trying to win them.
      Ted: So, we're replacing our department with psychotic little girls?
      Veronica: That was discussed. But instead we're going to reward hard work by giving people tickets.
      Ted: For worthless prizes?
      Veronica: You have an impressive handle on this.

    • Lem: What is it about us that invites ridicule?
      Phil: I don't know. We invent meat stuff, we're delightful, and yet no one respects us. Not even that cafeteria lady who with that hideous tongue birthmark that looks like a smaller and more hideous tongue.

    • Linda: Have some pudding.
      Ted: Umm. Better.
      Linda: My mom always says there's nothing in the world pudding can't cure. Except for my dad's obesity, which it's made exponentially worse.

    • Chet: So with the board meeting this week, our former CEO, Arthur Wells, is in town.
      Veronica: Arthur Wells? That man is a legend. Wasn't he behind Veridian acquiring ownership of the African country of Chad, and then renaming it after his nephew Chad?

    • Phil: They cost 200 tickets. Ted only gave us 20 for our presentation on mining planetary resources. Even though we talked for 10 minutes about mining Uranus without giggling.
      Lem: (giggling) I know. You can't find hydrocarbons on a gas planet.

    • Veronica: Are you... petting me?
      Ted: I'm moving your hair out of your eyes. It's something I do for everybody.
      Veronica: My hair's in a bun. It can't get in my eyes. Unless you scalp me and throw the whole works back in my face.

    • Veronica: It's Arthur. There really were secret documents, but they turned out to be worthless, so now they're going to throw him off the board.
      Ted: But I thought you hated him.
      Veronica: I did. And then he grabbed me by the ankles and attacked me with a piece of wood, and everything changed. He's given his life to this place, Ted, just like I have. Man, I kicked him hard in the balls.

    • Veronica: Actually, before you move on Arthur, you should know that he found some documents. And If you vote him off the board, he'll expose the company's worse secret. That's right. I'm saying that.
      Chet: Wait a minute, he found out about the... thing?
      Veronica: Yes. He knows all about... the thing.
      Chet: Oh, God. If he knows about the thing, he must also know about the other thing, which would ruin the thing we all live on.
      Ted: Apparently so, sir. I think he even knows about... the stuff.
      Chet: That's okay, everybody knows about the stuff. But the thing, that's going to be a problem.

    • Phil: Here are 400 tickets. You can counterfeit 'em. It's easy. I mean, you can count 'em. It's easy. It's not easy to counterfeit them. It takes hours. I mean, it would have if did. Which we did... not do.
      Lem: Hi, these tickets are real and we'd like two belt buckles.

    • Veronica: Well, when the company decides it's my time to go, I just hope somebody stands up for me.
      Ted: Well, don't worry. By then, the stuff will probably have gotten all of us.
      Veronica: Don't joke about the stuff, Ted. It can tell and it doesn't like it.
      Ted: This place is scary.
      Veronica: Really? I'm just getting comfortable with it.

    • Phil: So what do we think of Ted and Linda kissing?
      Lem: I'm for it. I like it when attractive people kiss.
      Phil: Me, too. I like it when attractive people do anything. I was once knocked off my roller skates by a beautiful woman driving a bus. It was very pleasant.

  • NOTES (1)


    • Title:
      Referencing the 1997 movie Wag the Dog, which tells the story of a spin doctor hired to distract the American voters from a Presidential sex scandal by creating a fake war in Albania. The film is loosely based on the novel American Hero by Larry Beinhart.

    • Veronica: And while we're searching for Curly's gold, we can look around for where you lost your mind.
      Referencing the 1994 movie City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold. The three slickers from the first movie find a map belonging to their deceased guide, Curly, and return to the West where they team up with Curly's twin brother, Duke, to find the lost treasure.

    • Arthur Wells: Have you forgotten the lessons of Mr. Magoo?
      Referencing, Mr. Magoo, a cartoon character voiced by Jim Backus who was extremely near-sighted. He'd frequently get in near-disastrous situations but managed to get out of them without a scratch due to blind luck.