Erica: Gosh, Ted, it's like you were poured into that suit.
Ted: And part of me is still hardening.
Veronica: Muss up his hair, it's the source of all his power.
Ted: Oh, no! Not the hair!
Veronica: Now smash him with the phone. (they stare) Why will no one in this building ever smash anyone with a phone?
Ted: What do you need, Veronica?
Veronica: We have a problem. It's about sexual... (looks at Rose) It's about sexual H-A-R-assment.
Ted: Ummm, well, I appreciate you not letting my daughter here the "har" part of that. But why don't we discuss it later?
Rose: By the way, I'm eight. I know how to spell.
Veronica: Never show your hand, sweetie. Always let the enemy underestimate you. Then when their guard's down, smash them with a phone.
Veronica: We've having a problem with some of those people who live in the cubicles.
Ted: Look, they don't live in the... You know what? I'm not going to explain this to you again.
Ted: We are not sleazy. Our department is more like a hard-working squirrel, stuffing its nuts in... wait. We're more like a hard-working beaver... ah, I'm not going to land this metaphor.
Ted: That doesn't sound so sexual. It's just a hug that drifted... boobwardly.
Linda: Relax, Sheila. Don't fight it.
Ted: "Don't fight it?"
Linda: Hindsight is 20-20, Mr. "I never accidentally fondled anyone."
Ted: I don't think the words "don't fight it" have ever been used when someone isn't being sexually harassed.
Veronica: Sheila claims you propositioned her for a threesome.
Ted: Veronica, I work full-time and I have a eight-year-old daughter. I don't even have the energy for a onesome.
Phil: Where'd they take him, you son of a bitch?!? I mean, my immediate superior.
Phil: I feel like my heart has been kicked in the testicles.
Veronica: Great news! You both have a disease.
Ted: You would be a terrible doctor.
Linda: I don't like other ladies' breasts. Some days I don't even like my own breasts. Although mostly they're awesome.
Linda: I don't want to lose this job. What am I supposed to do, go back to Wisconsin and work in the cheese mine? After I made that big speech, threw down my cheese shovel, and stormed out?
Phil: We can put him back together. I fixed my marriage with mechanical attachments, I can fix this.
Veronica: Chu, chu, chu, chu.
Ted: What are you doing?
Veronica: That's the sound of me deflecting the whiny bitching with my happiness shield.
Phil: This must be how Dr. Frankenstein felt. And that creepy scientist on the fourth floor who tried to build a wife out of mannequin parts and chicken skin.
Lem: Yeah. It was awkward at the Christmas party when we had to pretend she didn't smell like chicken.
Ted: You're one of the best executives ever. You're better than Steve Jobs, Lee Iacocca, or...
Veronica: Field Marshal Rommel?
Veronica: He was a brilliant tactician who looked magnificent in jodhpurs.
Ted: Now I'm picturing you in jodhpurs.
Veronica: So am I, and I'll bet Rommel didn't wear a thong underneath his.
Keith: That isn't harassment. Harassment is supposed to be sexy. You're not even doing it right.
Phil: Boy, bringing things back from the dead never goes smoothly.
Veronica: Children, they have so many uses. They're like adorable Swiss Army knives.
Ted: Although they can't open wine worth a damn.
Latin America: April 12, 2010 on Canal FX
Czech Republic: May 18, 2010 on Prima COOL
UK: September 21, 2010 on FX
Slovakia: March 24, 2013 on JOJ Plus
A Gold Dalek from long-running British S.F. series Doctor Who can be seen in the background of the robot lab as Phil and Lem come in.
Ted: How do I convince you that I'm ready to graduate from this League of Extraordinarily Perverted Gentlemen?
Referencing Alan Moore's graphic novel series, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. The original series, set in the late 19th century, featured Mina Harker, Allan Quartermain, Dr. Jekyll (and his counterpart, Mr. Hyde), Captain Nemo, and Hawley Griffin, the Invisible Man, teaming up to defend England from the machinations of Fu Manchu. Subsequent sequels have featured the same team battling Martians, and then Mina Harker continuing on for adventures in subsequent years. The first series was loosely adapted into a movie in 2003.
Phil: All these innocent machines hacked to pieces. It's like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, if somebody massacred the chainsaws.
Referencing the 1974 movie directed by Tobe Hooper, and based loosely on the exploits of serial killer Ed Gein. The movie features the character "Leatherface," a hulkish killer wearing a leather mask and wielding the title chainsaw, and gave rise to subsequent sequels, remakes, and prequels.