Better Off Ted

Season 2 Episode 8

The Impertence of Communicationizing

Aired Tuesday 9:30 PM Jan 12, 2010 on ABC
out of 10
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Episode Summary

Veridian sends out a memo to the employees about inappropriate behavior, but a typo demands that they now use offensive language. Ted tries to convince Veronica to resolve the issue, but it comes a little too late as the insults are already underway. When she realizes the power of a memo typo, Veronica wonders if her promotion memo was intended for W. Palmer. Meanwhile, Linda tells Ted to loosen up, and Lem helps Phil to insult people.moreless

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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (19)

      • Ted: "Employees must now use offensive or insulting language in the workplace." This has to be a mistake. Why would the company want us to swear at each other?
        Veronica: Well, maybe they're trying to make the people at work seem more like a real family, Butt-Munch. Yeah this is going to be good.
        Linda: Like everything the company does to us, it's gotta be about money. Maybe when someone's called a "lazy sack of crap," they work harder so they can just be a "sack of crap."
        Ted: Oh, this is gonna be a problem. People here follow memos. Especially since that memo came out saying people have to follow memos.

      • Veronica: I was up against this man--Walter--who had the same last name as I do, although we pronounce it differently.
        Linda: There's another way to pronounce "Palmer"?
        Veronica: In his family, the "P" is silent. I think it's Dutch. It sounds like their stupid handiwork, with their cheese and their giant propeller buildings.
        Linda: So Walter... "Almer"?
        Veronica: I know. Those people are unbelievable.

      • Veronica: So this is guilt, huh? In the past, I've always just counteracted this feeling with other emotions, like sugar or drunk.

      • Veronica: I do hate this feeling. I hate it like I hate...
        Linda: Don't tell me. The Dutch.
        Veronica: I don't hate the Dutch. I love the Dutch. That's why I hold them to a higher standard.

      • Janet: The company doesn't make mistakes.
        Ted: What about that memo announcing "Casual Fribsday"?
        Janet: The company said that wasn't a mistake. They explained that the ancient Mayans prophesied Fribsday--the first ever eighth day of the week which will occur in 2024. Which the company believes should be celebrated casually. I'm going to wear a denim pantsuit.
        Ted: And when they urged all employees to "carpoop"?
        Janet: That wasn't mandatory. Thank God.
        Ted: Although we did find out what people would do to park slightly closer to the building.

      • Lem: And so this new line of meals-ready-to eat gives the soldier in the field a portable meal with all the home-cooked flavor of something Mom used to chemically dehydrate and vacuum pack.

      • Veronica: Here, I brought you a cake. And a jar of herring. Maybe you can wait until I leave before you smear the cake with it.
        Walter: I'm not Dutch. And the Dutch don't smear herring on half the things you say they do.

      • Linda: Ted, a little chaos can be a good thing. My grandma met my grandma when a tornado blew her into his barn. He pulled the rake out of her chest and proposed on the spot.

      • Phil: We really should have been reading these memos.
        Lem: Damn! We didn't have to work on Thanksgiving!
        Phil: And look! Like I suspected, we were supposed to be wearing lead aprons when we were working on that genital x-ray project.

      • Phil: I'm terrible at insults. As a child, I was beaten up constantly. The best comeback I ever came up with was, "You're right. I'll work on that."
        Lem: I can help you, you sad jar of hobo urine.
        Phil: Pow! I've been Lem-basted.

      • Veronica: So I let him kiss me.
        Linda: Oh, my God!
        Veronica: But then I still felt guilty, so I let him feel me up.
        Linda: Oh, my...
        Veronica: I think I might need new breasts. These are covered in sadness.
        Ted: Wow. This is like the most depressing Penthouse letter ever.

      • (getting on an elevator)
        Debbie: Could you press 10 for me, you rat-face Nazi?
        Phil: Your breasts should be on display at the Swiss Museum of Miniatures. You said 10, right?

      • Linda: So not being controlling lasted for about one second?
        Ted: I'm sorry. The naggity-nag-nag bitchy-bitch is right. Anything anyone wants to say is fine with me.
        Linda: You heard the corporate chimp. Start making suggestions for meals-ready-to-eat before his head goes back up his butt.

      • Linda: Well, in my experience, scaring a man away is pretty easy. Basically, you're gonna want to put three words into heavy rotation--babies, future, and commitment.
        Veronica: Back off! I need my space! Wow, those words are powerful.

      • Phil: Give a man an insult, he can hurt people for a day. Teach a man to insult, he can hurt people who tease him because he never learned to fish. Anyway, I've devised a formula.
        Lem: Look at that. You had a problem in your life and who stepped up to help you? Math. She has always been there for you, hasn't she, Phil?
        Phil: If she ever took physical form, I'd leave my wife and marry her.
        Lem: Stand in line, my friend.
        Phil: Anyway, it's really quite simple. You take a person's most marked physical feature, compare it to genitalia--male, female, or animal--and end with the suffix "-bag," "-wipe", or "-muncher."
        Lem: You could also add an optional reference to excretion from any of the glorious openings offered by the human body.

      • Veronica: In fact, we need to talk about us. And the future of our babies and how they'll be committed.
        Walter: Wow, that's a lot to take in. Okay.
        Veronica: I need this relationship to have a future because I need babies. That's right--big, screaming babies shooting out of my uterus, just stacking up like cordwood.
        Walter: Really?
        Veronica: Yes, sir. That's all I ever think about--the future, babies, and commitment. Future, babies, commitment. Future, babies, commitment. Commitment, commitment, commitment, commitment.

      • Ted: Now I've got to go find Phil and Lem and straighten out the MRE disaster.
        Veronica: Don't boo-hoo me. Did that MRE touch your boobies, Ted? Then shut the hell up.

      • Phil: Your eyes look like two beady rabbit pellets on the face of a monkey-licking pus-bomb.
        Lem: You've just been Phil-abusted.
        Phil: Nice!
        Lem: That's it--fill up your canker-blossomed hole, you ale-soused apple-john. That was the Elizabethan model.
        Phil: Ye have been served.

      • Janet: Well, if we call it a groundswell, I think the company would go for it. That way it gets to pat itself on the back for listening and being a great communicationer.
        Ted: You mean "communicator."
        Janet: That's not what it says in the handbook.

    • NOTES (2)

    • ALLUSIONS (0)