Better Off Ted

Season 2 Episode 9

The Long and Winding High Road

Aired Tuesday 9:30 PM Jan 12, 2010 on ABC
out of 10
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Episode Summary

Ted's rival at work has developed an identical project that Ted's team has been working on, but Ted decides to take the high road. However, Veronica gets Linda and Rose to help sabotage the rival team's project.

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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (0)

    • QUOTES (16)

      • Patricia: Ted on his back straining with effort? There's a mental picture I can call back later.

      • Pete: Hey, Ted. Strengthening your hand for that big date with yourself?
        Ted: Nope, just practicing for later when I squeeze your mom's boobs. I'm not proud of that. I actually had a lovely conversation with Pete's mom at the Christmas party.

      • Lem: The mat and the vest are both magnetized. When a child puts on the vest and steps on the mat, the magnets repel each other, making the child almost weightless, like an astronaut bouncing on the moon.
        Phil: Now every child can have hours of repulsive fun.
        Ted: Pete Gilroy's team is working on a similar system, and the company's only going to go for one. So, we need to make damned sure that it is... "The Floater." Yeah, that's not such a good name.
        Lem: What about "The Astro-Nut"? You know, because it's crazy. (waves hands)
        Veronica: Has waving your hands ever sold me on anything? (waves hands) Remember "Corpse-Eating Battlefield Robot"?

      • Linda: Can't we develop one product that doesn't end up being used to kill people? Even our fat-free cinnamon roll led to that new sticky bomb.
        Veronica: You're so moral and perfect all the time. Do singing birds and mice dress you and brush your hair in the morning?
        Linda: No. Although my dad does call me "Princess." And there is a grumpy dwarf in my building.

      • Lem: Ted, we need your help.
        Phil: We were working really hard in the lab...
        Lem: And we had this pinata...
        Ted: Pinata? That doesn't sound like really hard work.
        Phil: It was stuffed with science.

      • Ted: And, Phil, they canceled your gym membership because no matter what class you were in, you did jazzercise.

      • Linda: I can't stand that Veronica makes fun of me in meetings. If the boss doesn't respect me, other people won't. Including the little Linda in my head. And even on a good day, that little bitch won't shut up.

      • Linda: Hey, sweetie, want to go smoke a cigarette in the bathroom? See? I can be bad. Don't ever smoke, Rose. Every time you smoke a cigarette, Santa Claus kills an elf. What, helping or hurting? Because I can throw Jesus into the mix.
        Ted: I think we're good.

      • Veronica: I don't take the high road, Ted. The high road leads to Pansy Town.
        Ted: Or maybe it leads to a more effective way of handling an adversary... ville.

      • Voiceover: Veridian Dynamics. Doing the right thing. It's important. What does it mean in business? We have no idea. We know what wrong is. Actually, no, we don't. Because we're a successful company, not some boring ethics professor. Veridian Dynamics. Right and Wrong. It means something. We just don't know what.

      • Linda: You make no sound when you walk.
        Veronica: Then I am ready to leave the monastery and avenge my parents. I'm kidding. I just buy expensive shoes made from very soft animals.

      • Veronica: Well, you are eager and desperate for my approval. And that's two of the three qualities I look for in a partner.

      • Veronica: So Pete's project is testing today. I want to burn his diaper and salt the earth beneath it so no new product will ever grow there.

      • Phil: Have you ever noticed how much of men's lives are spent trying to trick women into touching something?

      • Lem: Now we're on to how you're gonna fix it.
        Patricia: I can't tell the company. They'll put something in my food that makes me infertile.
        Phil: They don't do things like that or cancel gym memberships.

      • Veronica: So you're going to be in a room filled with weak, malleable children, and a man is going to bring in a toy. When he does, you're going to say very bad things about it.
        Rose: Why?
        Veronica: Because we're telling you to, and you should always do what adults tell you to do, especially when they give you candy.
        Linda: It's just a fun game we're playing--like dress-up, only instead of clothes, we're dressing up the things that are coming out of your mouth.

    • NOTES (1)

      • International Airdates:
        Latin America: May 10, 2010 on Canal FX
        Czech Republic: May 25, 2010 on Prima COOL
        UK: October 5, 2010 on FX
        Slovakia: April 14, 2013 on JOJ Plus

    • ALLUSIONS (0)