Black Books

Manny: Did you win or lose? Bernard: It's hard to say... Manny: Alright. Have you got more money or less money? Bernard: That's complicated... Manny: You got no money? Bernard: ... Yeah.

Bernard: Now! All I need is some kind of system. Manny: There's only one system. Bet. Lose. Borrow. Steal. Lose. Take the drugs. Lose. Prison... Death.

Bernard: Is this what you spend your pocket money on? Filthy gambling?! Manny: It's not really gambling Bernard. It's the Grand National. It's a moment when the whole nation comes together. Like the opening of a Richard Curtis movie or a... manhunt for a serial killer.

Customer: Hey mister! Do you have anything on armories, weaponry, that kind of thing? Bernard: Military history is on your right. Customer: I don't want your little history guano. I want modern warfare. Infrared. Fallout. Kill zones. Bernard: Military history is on your right. If you need any help, just fire a couple of rounds into the ceiling!

Fran: Bernard, please, give me a job, just until the interview. Manny: No he's changed, he's on the GG's now. Fran: Bernard... I bet you... 20 quid, I'm so hopeless I never get another job ever. Bernard: I'll give you a job! You start tomorrow. HA HA HA!

Manny: (To Fran) Hah! You're toast! T-O-E-A-R-S-T. Toearst