Black Books

Manny: It'll be sometime before I'd want to sacrafice another monkey. Bernard: We said we wouldn't talk about Canada!

(looking through films in newspaper) Bernard: What's this? "Blue Tunes"... Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Minnie Driver... Fran: Oh, I hate her. Bernard: ..."Grouchy Leonard Blue runs a second hand record shop with his half-wit mustachioed assistant Danny..." (Manny tuts) Bernard: "...when this zany pair team up with bitchy, neurotic neighbour Pam things are sure to be a riot of laughs". Where do they get this crap?

Fran: (about shoes) They are beautiful! They make strong men cry in train stations.

Bernard: (looking at photos) What? They're like any holiday photographs- the bunch of people stood around squinting, who didn't realize they were that fat!

Fran: (choosing a restaurant) There's this new place. Very in! The Mortuary. Don't do any vegetables - everything's dead animals served on little headstones. Bernard: Why does it have to be fancy?! I just want sausage, mash and a bit of cake. Not twigs fried in honey or a donkey in a coffin!

Bernard: Ha-ha! Naughty little passport! Hiding in the crisps again!