Black Books

(after learning he is to accompany a Japanese businessman to a casino as an escort) Manny: (to the photographer who arranged it) There is no way I'm going to the casino, alright? Now look, you have given me everything that money can buy. Yes, I've slept on satin sheets, I've eaten crinkle-cut chips from a silver bowl, I've been driven all over town in minicabs. But there are some things that money can't buy. Like the love I found in a little bookshop off Russell Square. Yes, love. You know, not, well, not love so much more... more... freedom! You know, fre... well, not really freedom, more a largeness of heart. Well, not really a largeness of heart... or freedom... or love. But I was never contractually obliged to sleep with foreign businessmen, alright? And that is not nothing, that is something.

Bernard: (phone rings) Manny? Manny, phone. Manny! Oh, I'll get it, shall I? (picks up phone) Hello? Manny: (on other side phone) Bernard? Bernard: Manny. Where are you? The phone's been ringing!

Fran: Manny was something else you know... You don't meet someone like him everyday. Bernard: I met him everyday... I met him all day and all night everyday. Today is one of the few days I haven't met him and even then he still wrote to me and rang me. I'm expecting a fax any minute!

Fran: Do you know nothing about the modern culture Bernard? Beckham, Posh, Pokemon... Bernard: PACman! It's pronounced 'Pacman'.

Manny: I was out with some friends. Bernard: Friends? Out? With? Some?! Let me smell your breath... I thought so: chips! Where are my chips? Look at your clothes. They're all rumpled, what have you been doing? Is that lipstick on your beard? Here I am worrying myself away into a stick, in the dark, and you're scoffing chips from some tart's lap! Where's my tart? I want chips and tart!

Fran: Oh my god! Mickey Rourke had another facelift. He looks like his trousers.

Fran: Well where is Manny? How can I find him? Bernard: Well, you could become a terrible event and happen to him.

Customer: You know, I'm probably getting a lot of secondary smoke from you. Bernard: Don't worry about it. Get me a drink sometime.

Bernard: (playing with yo-yo and realising it doesn't work properly without Manny) Without him it's just a Yo!