Black Books

Manny: I heard once that squid can sometimes survive the cooking process... and wake up in your stomach and strangle your heart.

Bernard: (to Manny) But it's not my problem! It's my house though and I'm not having it infected with the kind of specimens capable of producing you.

Fran: (points to answering machine) Oh, look you've got a message! Bernard: No! Don't touch that! That light means the machine needs more salt.

Moo-Pa: Shop's still called Black Books, I see? Bernard: Yeah. I was gonna call it World Of Tights, but you know how stupid people are, you have to spell everything out.