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Bernard: (after finding out the shop had been robbed) So, what did you tell them? They got in through the back?
Manny: Yeah.
Bernard: Yeah, it wouldn't do to let them know that we went out and you left the front door open, would it?
Manny: Yeah, well, what sort of world is it that you can't go away and leave the front door open without getting robbed?
Bernard: It's this sort of world, Gandalf!
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Bernard: (to cashier) Excuse me, there seems to be some mistake. I bought some popcorn and a drink and now I have no money left.
Cashier: That's how much it costs.
Bernard: What is it, magic popcorn? Does it produce some kind of dizzying high?
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Manny: That was the last film you went to see? Planet of the Apes?
Bernard: Yeah. Amazing effects, you know. You really believed that monkeys could have meetings.
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Bernard: (showing off his new drink to Manny) We've found something new. Absinthe, you know... that slogan "The Drink That Makes You Want To Kill Yourself Instantly."
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Fran: Oh, yeah, Bernard... something came... up. I'm so so sorry. Umm what did you do?
Bernard: Oh just my usual night out, you know. Went to see an experimental film where nothing happened for two hours. Hung out with a pornographer. Got a job in a burger bar. You know, the usual.
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Bernard: Does the... umm... Mamba Burger... come with zesty cheese?
Cashier boy: No.
Bernard: Ok, uhh, then could I have some... Hunky Dunkers. With barbecue Hunky Dunky dip. And a... Mucky Chocolate Milkshake.
Cashier boy: What size? Small, medium, goliath or god?
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Manny: Do you think I should wash my beard?
Bernard: I think you should wash it, yeah. Then shave it off, nail it to a frisbee, and fling it over a rainbow.
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Bernard: (thinking) You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it.
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Security Man: I'm normally asked to install this system in zoos. The glass is soundproof.
Manny: Why do you need soundproofing in zoos?
Security Man: Well, otherwise, the kids start calling the lions pricks.
Manny: Oh right.
Security Man: It's a very good system. You know the CIA?
Manny: Yeah.
Security Man: They don't use this system. Uhh, they probably use something a lot better.
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Manny: (to Bernard) I ate all your bees.