(Bernard is discussing his dinner party friends Gerald and Sarah) Bernard: Sarah's an interior designer. She's on that programme, you know – Pet Surprise. Manny: Pet Surprise? What's that? Bernard: You know the thing. They take the dog for a walk, he thinks it's a normal walk, but when he comes back, the kennel has a patio and French doors. Manny: Yeah, and they take the blindfold off and its like "Oh My God". Right.
Gerald: Look at Jimbo! Bernard: What? He looks surprised. All children look surprised. Everything's new to them!
Bernard: You know Gerald and Sarah? Fran: Gerald... uh... your friend. Bernard: Friend?! When I first came to London, he, he put me up, he lent me money, he helped me find a job, he helped me find this place. I was, I was an incredibly good friend to him. And, even though, even though I fancied his girlfriend, I did not make a pass at her. Well, once. Twice. A few times. But not after I realised just how angry it made him. Well, once, but only because... Fran: Get on with the story.
(A little boy in pyjamas walks into the room) Gerald: (to Bernard) Oh you remember Jimbo, don't you? Bernard: I'm not sure... (to Jimbo) What do you do? Gerald: No, he's our son. Bernard: Oh thank god. I thought you had a disease. It's a child!
Bernard: I went to the chemist to get some Fizzy-Good. Fran: Some what? Bernard: You know, some Fizzy-Good, Fizzy-Good-Make-Feel-Nice. Fran: Oh, Alka-Seltzer.
Fran: I want Manny in on this. Manny! Bernard: No no no, he's no good to anyone. He stayed up all night with his birthday present. (Manny enters, looking both alert and paranoid) Bernard: A complete set of The Sweeney and an espresso machine.
Dylan Moran (as Bernard) tried desperately to make Liam Hess, the young child in this episode, laugh. He improvised an entire song, which went "I live alone in a tree. I live alone in a tree. I live alone in a tree, and nobody loves me. Cows in the morning. Cows in the morning 1, 2, 3. Up and at 'em, up and at 'em with a pick. I live by the river with my mother in a house, she washes, I cook and we never go out. I'm a simple cow, living a simple life, but sometimes I feel exploited. Ireland will never be free until I can marry my brother. Oh I love you Eileen Bueag. I love you Eileen Bueag. I love your teeth and your eyes and your face. I love your knees, and your house and your place. I love your couch, and your mother and your teeth. I love your cupboards and your loft and your swimming pool, I love you I love you I love you I love you Eileen Bueag, but leave us alone now for the minute." The song can be found in the outtakes of the Season One DVD.
The Sweeney The Sweeney was a British television police drama, which featured two characters combating armed robbery and violent crime, much as Manny does in this episode.
Pet Surprise A satire on the reality TV shows like "DIY SOS", "Changing Rooms", "Extreme Makeover" etc. where the family or couple is taken off to a hotel while the crew and maintenance people change the house or other living space beyond all recognition.
S 3 : Ep 6
Aired 4/15/04 (24:17)
S 3 : Ep 5
Aired 4/8/04 (24:12)
S 3 : Ep 4
Aired 4/1/04 (24:28)
S 3 : Ep 3
Aired 3/25/04 (24:27)
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