Season 2 Episode 5


Aired Wednesday 9:30 PM Feb 13, 1986 on BBC
out of 10
User Rating
76 votes

By Users

Episode Summary

Blackadder's rich and Puritanical aunt and uncle pay him a visit to discuss his inheritance the same night he has a beer drinking contest.

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  • When you say beer, I pass water.

    This has got to be my favorite episode in the Blackadder II series. As the episode opens, we find that there really are some things in life you can count on… birds singing… the sun shining… Lord Blackadder desperately scheming to get money because he's broke again… comforting how some things don't change, isn't it?

    In this case, Blackadder’s targets are his not so beloved aunt and uncle Lord and Lady Whiteadder who have wallets "as capricious as an elephant scrotum, and just as difficult to get into." Unfortunately for the intemperate Blackadder, his aunt and uncle are the most fanatical Puritans in England. If that wasn't bad enough, Blackadder accidentally talked himself into having a drinking contest at his house on the very same night he’s supposed to meet with his relatives. Blackadder, of course, tries to reschedule the drinking contest, knowing his relatives will not give him money if they find out about it, but the queen thinking he is trying to get out of it threatens to execute him. Faced with no other alternative Blackadder has to hold both events in different rooms at his house and then run back and forth and hope nobody notices, which of course everyone does. Blackadder originally had no intention of getting drunk, since we learn he has no tolerance for alcohol, and starts singing about a goblin after only one drink. He initially tells Baldric to bring him water when he calls for beer. Baldric answers with the funniest line of the episode "when you say beer, I pass water." Blackadder just can't cover his tracks well enough though and eventually has way too much to drink resulting in his insulting the queen who shows up at his house unexpectedly. It's all good though, because after threatening to execute everyone mad Queen Bess get as rollicking drunk as everyone else.

  • Lord and Lady Whiteadder arrive just at the wrong moment... and Blackadder's inheritance hangs in the balance. Oh dear!

    Blackadder arranges with Melchett for a drinking contest later that day. Unfortunatley, once he gets home, he realises that he is supposed to have dinner with his Aunt and Uncle: Lord and Lady Whiteadder, who are strict puritans.

    He can't cancel the drinking night because Queenie thinks he is trying to chicken out and he can't cancel the meal with his Aunt and Uncle because they want to discuss his inheitance and Blackadder wants to get hold of their money. They only solution is to hold both events, totally separately, in Blackadders house, and hope that he isn't found out!

    But, in true Blackadder style, everything goes horribly wrong. He tries to bluff his way through the night with quick lies but all he gets is a number of slaps from his aunt.

    Eventually, he can't take it anymore and, totally drunk, he confesses everything to his Aunt and Uncle, who are less than impressed to say the least! It's a very funny ending to a very funny episode, one of the best!moreless
Miriam Margolyes

Miriam Margolyes

Lady Whiteadder

Guest Star

Hugh Laurie

Hugh Laurie

Simon Partridge

Guest Star

Roger Blake

Roger Blake

Geoffrey Piddle

Guest Star

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (3)

    • In this episode, Edmund invites Cardinal Woosley to his drinking party. However, this would not be possible, as Cardinal Woosley passed away in 1530 and Elizabeth I was not crowned queen until 1559.

    • End Credit Lyrics:

      Blackadder couldn't hold his beer,
      The art of boozing he's not mastered.
      And I, your merry balladeer,
      am also well and truly plastered.

      Blackadder, Blackadder,
      A bit like Robin Hood.
      Blackadder, Blackadder,
      But nothing like as good.

      Blackadder, Blackadder,
      I thought that he had died,
      Blackadder, Blackadder,
      The writers must have lied.

    • When Edmund slams the door on the cupboard with the queen inside you see the room flap. It is obviously a tarp room. When Edmund stumbles back into the room drunk near the end and insults his aunt and uncle, Tim McInnerny (Lord Percy) is mouthing Edmund's dialogue.

  • QUOTES (14)

    • (A knock on the door.)
      Aunt: Edmund! I trust you have invited no other guests?
      Edmund: Oh, certainly not!
      Aunt: Good. For where there are other guests there are people to fornicate with!
      Edmund: Well, quite.
      (More knocking)
      Edmund: I'll just go and tell them to Fornicate Off.

    • Edmund: Well done, and now, returning to the real world: Do you have a knife?
      Baldrick: Yeah.
      Edmund: Good, because I wish to quickly send off some party invitations, and, to make them look particularly tough, I wish to write them in blood. Your blood, to be precise.
      Baldrick: So, how much blood will you actually be requiring, my-lord?
      Edmund: Oh, nothing much, just a small puddle.
      Baldrick: Will you want me to cut anything off? An arm or a leg, for instance?
      Edmund: Oh, good lord, no a little prick should do.
      Baldrick: Very well, my-lord; I am your bondsman and must obey.
      (sticks his knife down his trousers and begins sawing)
      Edmund: For God's sake, Baldrick! I meant a little prick on your finger!
      Baldrick: I haven't got one there!

    • Edmund: Right, now; the sort of person we're looking for is an aggressive drunken lout with the intelligence of a four year old and the sexual sophistication of a donkey…
      Percy: (thinks) Cardinal Woolsey…

    • Blackadder: This is a house of simple purity.
      Monk: { Runs in and vomits in fireplace } Great booze-up, Edmund!
      Lady Whiteadder: Do you know that man?
      Blackadder: No.
      Lady Whiteadder: He called you Edmund
      Blackadder: Oh, know him? Yes, I do.
      Lady Whiteadder: Then can you explain what he meant by "great booze-up"?
      Blackadder: { very long pause } Yes, I can. My friend is a missionary and on his last visit abroad brought back with him the chief of a famous tribe. His name is Great Boo. He's been suffering from sleeping sickness and he's obviously just woken because as you've heard, Great Boo's up.

    • Blackadder: Get the door, Baldrick.
      (There is a crash and Baldrick enters with the door)
      Blackadder: Baldrick, I would advise you to make the explanation you are about to give, phenomenally good.
      Baldrick: You said get the door.
      Blackadder: Not good enough, you're fired.
      Baldrick: But, my lord, I've been in your family since 1532.
      Blackadder: So has syphilis. Now get out.

    • Blackadder: Is the turnip surprise ready?
      (Baldrick and Percy giggle)
      Baldrick: Yes, my Lord.
      Blackadder: Then what is so funny?
      Percy: Well, my Lord, while Baldrick and I were preparing the turnip suprise, we had a surprise. We came across a turnip that was exactly the same shape as a thingy!

    • Elizabeth: Oh, Edmund. I do love it when you get cross. Sometimes I think about having you executed just to see the expression on your face.

    • Elizabeth: I was tucked in bed having this absolutely scrummy dream about ponies when I was waken by a terrific banging from Lord Melchett.
      Blackadder: Well, I never knew he had it in him.

    • Blackadder: Which reminds me, Auntie…
      (Lady Whiteadder slaps him)
      Lady Whiteadder: Don't call me "Auntie." Aunt is a relative and relatives are evidence of sex. And sex is hardly a fitting conversation for the dinner table.
      Blackadder: Or indeed, any table.
      Percy: Except perhaps a table in a brothel.

    • (walks into his aunt and uncle's dinner party after having a drink with the drunken idiots in the other room)
      Edmund: Percy! I lost the bet.
      Aunt: Edmund! Explain yourself.
      Edmund: I can't. Not just like that. I'm a complicated person, you see, Auntie. Sometimes I'm nice, and sometimes I'm nasty, eeeee. And sometimes I just like to sing little songs like 'see the little goblin …'
      Aunt: I mean explain why you're wearing a cardinal's hat, why you're grinning inanely and … (Edmund falls face first onto the chair next to him) … why you have an ostrich feather sticking out of your britches.
      Edmund: I'm wearing a cardinal's hat because I'm cardinal chunder. I have an ostrich feather up my backside because mister ostrich put it there to keep in the little pixies. And I'm grinning inanely because I think I've just about succeeded in conning you and your daft husband out of a whopping great inheritance eeeee.

    • Blackadder: Don't say bershrew me Percy. Only stupid actors say bershrew me.

    • Elizabeth: I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a concrete elephant.
      Simon Partridge: Prove it!
      Elizabeth: I certainly will. First I'm going to have a little drinky, and then I'm going to execute the whole bally lot of you.

    • Edmund: (singing) See the little goblin, see his little feet, and his little nosey-wose isn't the goblin sweet?
      All: Yes!

    • Lady Whiteadder: In our house, Nathanial sits on a spike.
      Blackadder: And yourself?
      Lady Whiteadder: I sit on Nathanial; two spikes would be an extravagance.

  • NOTES (2)

    • Edmund invites Cardinal Woolsey to his drinking party, noting his sexual depravity. In the previous episode "Money," he also mentioned Cardinal Woolsey 'getting his knob out at Hampton Court.'

    • This episode marks the first appearance of Hugh Laurie (Simon Partridge) on the series. He would later play Prince Ludwig in "Chains", Prince George in Season Three and Lt. George in Season Four.


    • Queenie's line: "I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a concrete elephant!" is a play on the speech given to the troops at Tilbury by Queen Elizabeth I: "I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman; but I have the heart and stomach of a king..."