Blackadder: Right, let's get out of here Baldrick.
Baldrick: Certainly my lord.
Blackadder: By the way, if we're lucky to get out of here alive…
Baldrick: Yes my lord?
Blackadder: Remind me to kill you, will you?
Baldrick: Oh, all right my lord.
Baldrick: (to the dinosaur) Sniff My Skids!
(the dinosaur sniffs them, and drops dead)
Blackadder: Fascinating. One of history's greatest mysteries solved. The dinosaurs were indeed fact wiped out, by your pants.
Queen Elizabeth: Go forth! And bring back more...minty things!
Blackadder: (trying to be friendlier towards Shakespeare at their second encounter) I'm a very big fan, Bill.
William Shakespeare: Thank you.
Blackadder: Keep up the good work. King Lear...very funny.
Blackadder: May I present to you, the greatest breakthrough in travel since Sir Rodney Tricycle thought to himself, "I'm bored of walking. I think I'll invent something with three wheels and a bell, and name it after myself": the time machine.
Blackadder: You really are as thick as clotted cream, that's been left out by some clot, and now the clots are so clotted, you couldn't unclot them with an electric de-clotter, aren't you, Baldrick?
Blackadder: (to a Tyrannosaurus Rex) Sod off.
Centurion Blackaddicus: Last one in gets hacked to death by Rod Stewart's great-great-grandfather.
Baldrick: You know how when you're drowning, and your life flashes in front of your eyes? Well, what I was thinking is that you could dunk your head in a bucket of water and if you held it down till just before you died, you could see how the levers were and get us home.
Blackadder: Excellent plan, Baldrick, with perhaps one slight modification...
(He punches Baldrick. Shortly afterwars, Baldrick has his head in a bucket of water. After a few seconds, he takes his head out of it)
Baldrick: I'm 18, I've just left Nursery School.
(Blackadder shoves Baldrick's head back into the bucket and pulls it out again)
Baldrick: I'm 25, I'm back in Nursery School.
George: Well you certainly won the bet, Blackadder. Here's your 10,000 francs...
Blackadder: What do you mean, "francs?"
George: What do you mean "What do I mean, 'francs'?"
Archdeacon Darling: We've been using francs for over 200 years.
Archbishop Melchett: Yes, ever since the Emperor Napoleon won the Battle of Waterloo.
Blackadder: And here is a front page of Macbeth, signed by William Shakespeare himself.
George, Archdeacon Darling and Lady Elizabeth: Who?
Archbishop Melchett: Oh, come on, you know this...he's the fellow who invented the ball-point pen.
Blackadder (thinking they've arrived in the 1960s): I might stay awhile, actually, for a bit of hippy free love. Not that free love would make much difference to you, would it, Balders? I mean, what would a sheep do with money?
Melchett (on first seeing the time machine): Well, glaze my nipples and call me Rita!
Blackadder: Baldrick, I have a very, very, very cunning plan!
Baldrick: Is it as cunning as a fox what used to be Professor of Cunning at Oxford University, but has now moved on and is working for the UN at the High Commission of International Cunning Planning?
Blackadder: Yes, it is.
Baldrick: Ooh! That's cunning!
Edmund:(punches Shakespeare) THAT is for every school boy and school girl for the next 400 years. Do you have any idea how much suffering you're going to cause? Hours spent at school desks trying to find one joke in Midsummer Night's Dream. Wearing stupid tights in plays and saying things like "What ho my lord!" and "Oh look here comes Othello talking total crap as usual". Oh and (kicks Shakespeare in the shin) that is for Ken Branagh's four hour version of Hamlet.
Shakespeare: Who's Ken Branagh?
Edmund: I'll tell him you said that, and I think he will be very hurt.