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Queen: And me, did you miss me, Edmund?
Edmund: Madame, life without you is like a broken pencil.
Queen: Explain.
Edmund: Pointless.
-
Percy: Welcome Edmund. Did you…miss me?
Edmund: I certainly did. Many was a time, Percy, I say to myself, 'I wish Percy was here'…
(Percy gets sentimental)
Edmund: …being tortured instead of me.
-
(After reading Queen's answer)
Prince Ludwig: But if you gentlemen were to turn me away to, let us say, gain access to your Queen, I might just be able to commute your deaths to a life sentence.
Edmund: Are you suggesting we betray her?
Prince Ludwig: Oh yes.
Edmund: Alright.
Melchett: Blackadder, what are you saying? What of loyalty, honor, self-respect?
Edmund: What of them?
Melchett: Nothing.
Prince Ludwig: So you will both, play ball?
Melchett & Edmund: Yup.
-
Blackadder: (Explaining how he knew to kill Ludwig and not Nursie) You see, Prince Ludwig was a master of disguise. Where as Nursie is a sad, insane old woman with an udder fixation.
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Elizabeth: Lord Percy?
Percy: Yes?
Elizabeth: It's up to you. Either you can shut up or you can have your head cut off.
Percy: (thinks for a long while) I'll shut up.
-
Blackadder: What on Earth was I drinking last night? My head feels like there's a Frenchman living in it.
-
Lord Melchett: Alas, shall I never see England more? Her rolling fields, her swooping swallows…
Blackadder: And her playful sheep.
-
Queen Elizabeth: Unfortunately, apart from my nose getting a little prettier, nothing much has changed around here. Your animal still isn't housetrained. Your friend's still unemployed. And Nursie's one stick short of a bundle.
Nursie (Prince Ludwig): Moo.
-
(While playing charades with the non-English speaking Spanish torturer to work out what his torture will be.)
Edmund: So let's recap. If I admit that I'm in love … sorry, head over heels in love with Satan and all his little wizards, then you will remove my testicles with a blunt instrument resembling some kind of gardening tool and roast them over a large fire. Whereas if I don't admit that I'm head in love with Satan and all his little wizards, you will hold me upside down in a vat of warm marmalade … AND remove my testicles with a blunt instrument resembling some sort of gardening … Oh I see. Well, in that case, I love Satan.
-
Melchett: What say you, Blackadder, I sing a song to keep our spirits up?
Blackadder: That all depends wether you want the slop bucket over your head or not.
Melchett: Well perhaps some pleasant word game?
Blackadder: Yes, allright. Make a sentence out of the following words: Face, sodding, your, shut.
-
Prince Ludwig: Lord Melchett, we meet again.
Melchett: No I don't think we've had the pleasure.
Prince Ludwig: You do not recognize me then?
Melchett: No.
Ludwing: Let me refresh your memory. Do you remember when you were in Cornwall at the monastery, there was an old shepherd with whom you used to talk?
Melchett: Good Lord. Dimkins?
Prince Ludwig: Yes. I was one of his sheep.
Melchett: Sheep? Not?
Ludwing: Yes.
Melchett: Flossy?
Prince Ludwig: Yes.
Melchett: But didn't we?
Prince Ludwig: Yes, Lord Melchett. Baaaaaaa.