Blackadder Forums

BBC (ended 1989)

Favourite lines

  • Avatar of GusF

    GusF

    [1]Feb 8, 2006
    • member since: 06/10/05
    • level: 38
    • rank: Squarepants
    • posts: 2,702
    Mine is from "General Hospital" in "Blackadder Goes Forth":

    Blackadder: What is the colour of the Queen of England's favourite hat?
    Darling: How the bloody hell am I supposed to know?!
    Blackadder: (completely deadpan) I see...Well, let me ask you another question. Who is the German head of state?
    Darling: Well, Kaiser Wilhelm, obviously.
    Blackadder: (furiously) So you're on first name terms with the kaiser, are you?!
    Edited on 02/23/2006 8:50am
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  • Avatar of ka_liss333

    ka_liss333

    [2]Feb 8, 2006
    • member since: 05/28/05
    • level: 12
    • rank: Evil Bert
    • posts: 38
    Mine is from "Corporal punishment"

    Capt. Blackadder (Completely furious at George and Baldrick): Now, I'm not a religious man as you know, but henceforth I shall nightly pray to the God that killed Kaine and squashed Samson that it comes out of retirement and gets back into practice on the pair of you.
    (Phone rings)
    Capt. Blackadder: Captain BlacKadder, ah, captain Darling, well you know some of us just have friends in high places I suppose... yes I can hear you perfectly. You want what? You want two volunteers fo a mission in no man's land. Code name: Operation Certain Death?
    (looks at George and Baldrick)
    Yes, yes I believe I've got just the fellows.
    (Smiles evilly at the two)
    God is VERY quick these days.
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  • Avatar of janey_27

    janey_27

    [3]Feb 10, 2006
    • member since: 06/14/05
    • level: 16
    • rank: Church Lady
    • posts: 1,276
    Percy: Sorry I'm late.
    Blackadder: Don't bother apologising, I'm sorry you're alive.

    Queen: And me, did you miss me, Edmund?
    Edmund: Madam, life without you was like...a broken pencil.
    Queen: Explain...? Edmund: Pointless.

    ******************

    George: Well tally ho! With a bing and a bong and a buzz buzz buzz!

    ********************

    Blackadder: A man may fight for many things. His country, his friends, his principles, the glistening tear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I'd mud-wrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock and a sack of French porn.

    *******************

    Edmund: A chat with you and death loses its sting.

    ************************

    Blackadder: They do say, Mrs M, that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are, of course, wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork into your head.

    ***********************

    Blackadder: I have a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.

    Oh, I could go on, but I think I'm stealing other peoples! Every second or third line was gold!
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  • Avatar of ka_liss333

    ka_liss333

    [4]Feb 11, 2006
    • member since: 05/28/05
    • level: 12
    • rank: Evil Bert
    • posts: 38
    Just give me the money Baldrick or I shall further ennoble you by knighting you rather clumsily with this meat cleaver.
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  • Avatar of Lantana

    Lantana

    [5]Feb 12, 2006
    • member since: 08/03/05
    • level: 2
    • rank: Sweat Hog
    • posts: 93
    Blackadder: Now, where the hell are we?

    George: Well, it's difficult to say, we appear to have crawled
    into an area marked with mushrooms.

    Blackadder: [patiently] What do those symbols denote?

    George: Pfff. That we're in a field of mushrooms?

    Blackadder: Lieutenant, that is a military map, it is unlikely to list
    interesting flora and fungi. Look at the key and you'll
    discover that those mushrooms aren't for picking.

    George: Good Lord, you're quite right sir, it says "mine". So,
    these mushrooms must belong to the man who made the map.

    Blackadder: Either that, or we're in the middle of a mine-field.

    Baldrick: Oh dear.

    George: So, he owns the field as well?

    ------------------------------------------------------------

    George: Oh sir, just one thing. If we should happen to tread on a
    mine, what do we do?

    Blackadder: Well, normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet
    into the air and scatter yourself over a wide area.

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  • Avatar of Taranchula

    Taranchula

    [6]Feb 16, 2006
    • member since: 08/28/05
    • level: 8
    • rank: Super-Friend
    • posts: 1,281
    Blackadder: Yes. To you Baldrick, the renaissance was just something that happened to other people wasn't it?

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  • Avatar of sheerbeauty

    sheerbeauty

    [7]Feb 18, 2006
    • member since: 01/18/06
    • level: 14
    • rank: Autobot
    • posts: 722
    (can't remember exactly, sorry)
    From Blackadder III:

    PRINCE: (praising Blackadder's service and ending with) What can a woman do that you can't?

    BLACKADDER: (bowing and smirking just a little) I cannot conceive, sir.
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  • Avatar of GusF

    GusF

    [8]Feb 23, 2006
    • member since: 06/10/05
    • level: 38
    • rank: Squarepants
    • posts: 2,702
    sheerbeauty wrote:
    (can't remember exactly, sorry)
    From Blackadder III:

    PRINCE: (praising Blackadder's service and ending with) What can a woman do that you can't?

    BLACKADDER: (bowing and smirking just a little) I cannot conceive, sir.


    It was "A Blackadder's Christmas Carol." I love that.
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  • Avatar of GusF

    GusF

    [9]Apr 6, 2006
    • member since: 06/10/05
    • level: 38
    • rank: Squarepants
    • posts: 2,702
    From "The Foretelling," after Prince Edmund chopped Richard III's head off:

    Baldrick: You're certainly more witty than your father, my lord.
    Percy: And head and shoulders over Richard III!
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  • Avatar of LoveBoone

    LoveBoone

    [10]Apr 6, 2006
    • member since: 04/04/06
    • level: 4
    • rank: Thighmaster
    • posts: 53
    I'm not sure of the words but I like the conversation between Blackadder and Percy when he discovers Green in Blackadder II

    And in Blackadder goes Fourth

    Blackadder - baldrick, if a hungry cannibal cracked open your head there would not be enough to cover a small water biscuit

    and also

    Baldrick: ..then I thought, what if you're in a peasants village and they're in the middle of a fancy dress party?
    Blackadder: ah yes. But what if i arrive in a peasants village and they're NOT having a fancy dress party?
    Baldrick: then you'd look like ...
    Blackadder: .. like a man stood in the middle of a lake with a samall painted wooden duck on his head??

    Melchiot: Don't slouch Darling

    Flashhart & Bob : woof woof!
    Blackadder: God it's like bloody Crufts in here

    Sorry, will shut up now.
    Edited on 04/06/2006 2:35pm
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  • Avatar of mailloux1

    mailloux1

    [11]Apr 27, 2006
    • member since: 03/01/06
    • level: 5
    • rank: Caveman Lawyer
    • posts: 2
    Blackadder: Baldrick, have you no idea what irony is?
    Baldrick: Yes, it's like goldy and bronzy only it's made out of iron.

    - Amy and Amiability

    I use this everytime someone asks me about irony. I also used to teach and would put it on the board while we studie Irony & Satire.
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  • Avatar of Lokar

    Lokar

    [12]May 8, 2006
    • member since: 09/02/04
    • level: 26
    • rank: Bow Flex
    • posts: 823
    From the Christmas special, as he slams the door in the face of the carolers:

    "Utter crap."

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  • Avatar of thecornishone

    thecornishone

    [13]May 12, 2006
    • member since: 10/14/05
    • level: 3
    • rank: Soup Nazi
    • posts: 80

    From "Back and forth"

    [After getting an autograph, Blackadder floors Shakespeare with a right cross.]
    Blackadder (to Shakespeare): "That is for every schoolboy and schoolgirl for the next 400 years."

    It definitely means something to me considering I had to study more than one Shakespeare play twice!

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  • Avatar of Merc_2k

    Merc_2k

    [14]May 13, 2006
    • member since: 12/13/04
    • level: 6
    • rank: Small Wonder
    • posts: 182

    Baldrick: Bah, I was wondering if I might sleep on the roof sir? Earlier the towns bailiff says that if I lie in the gutter I will be flushed into the Thames with all the other turds.
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  • Avatar of Scarablord

    Scarablord

    [15]Jul 28, 2006
    • member since: 04/10/05
    • level: 2
    • rank: Sweat Hog
    • posts: 4

    From Sense & Senility:

    Blackadder: "They do say, Mrs M, that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are, of course, wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork into your head."

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  • Avatar of zhangliao1

    zhangliao1

    [16]Jul 31, 2006
    • member since: 06/20/05
    • level: 6
    • rank: Small Wonder
    • posts: 566
    you cant do this making me choose now i have to think of some that havent been taken

    blackadder: biggest showoff since lady godiva walked into the royal enclosure claiming she had literally nothing to wear

    hmmm ok this is hard many may have been taken but there are still hundreds

    liutenent george: the magazine that tells the tommys the truth about the war

    blackadder: or alternativly the greatest work of fiction since vows of fidelity were included in the french marige service

    ok ill try 2 from the ep im watching now

    baldrick: my father was a nun

    blackadder: no he wasnt

    baldrick: he was so sir i know cause everytime he was up in court and the judge said occupation he said none

    ok and 1 more

    lieutenent george: um, if you'd just like to pop your clothes on the stool

    blackadder: i'm sorry?

    lieutenent george: just pop your clothes on the stool over there

    blackadder: you mean, you want me... "tackle out"?

    lieutenet george: well, i would prefer so, sir, yes

    blackadder: if i can remind you of the realities of battle, george, one of the first things that everyone notices is that all the protagonists have got their clothes on. neither we nor the hun favour fighting our battles au natural

    lieutenent george: sir, it's artistic license. it's willing suspension of disbelief

    blackadder: well, i'm not having anyone staring in disbelief at my willie suspension!

    wow its hard to pick only a few since there are so many equal lines

    also if i went back in time i would give shakespear more of a beating
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  • Avatar of The_Tradge

    The_Tradge

    [17]Aug 16, 2006
    • member since: 05/28/06
    • level: 8
    • rank: Super-Friend
    • posts: 977
    I love the whole scene in Series 2 "Chains" where Blackadder's trying to work out what the Spanish guy is saying =D haha!

    Also I love the line "No speako Dego!"
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  • Avatar of cidhighwind100

    cidhighwind100

    [18]Sep 21, 2006
    • member since: 11/20/05
    • level: 2
    • rank: Sweat Hog
    • posts: 8

    In series 2 'Money' where Edmund and Baldrick are trying to make money at the docks by...selling themselves, after telling a man a story for a penny he then abruptly says "Right, how much for a good hard..." you know the rest.

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  • Avatar of The_Tradge

    The_Tradge

    [19]Oct 21, 2006
    • member since: 05/28/06
    • level: 8
    • rank: Super-Friend
    • posts: 977
    Blackadder: "Baldrick, do you know what irony is?"

    Baldrick: "Yeah....it's goldy and bronzy only it's made of iron!"
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  • Avatar of sarmoti84

    sarmoti84

    [20]Jan 4, 2007
    • member since: 01/03/07
    • level: 2
    • rank: Sweat Hog
    • posts: 14

    Queenie's poem for Blackadder "Shakespeare helped me with the title, but the rest is all my own work"

    When the night is dark,
    And the dogs go 'bark';
    When the clouds are black,
    And the ducks go 'quack';
    When the sky is blue,
    And the cows go 'mooo';
    Think of lovely Queenie,
    She'll be thinking of you.

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