Season 3 Episode 2

Ink and Incapability

Aired Wednesday 9:30 PM Sep 24, 1987 on BBC
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Episode Summary

Blackadder has one weekend to rewrite a dictionary the Prince Reagent is sponsoring after Baldrick burns the only copy.

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Robbie Coltrane

Robbie Coltrane

Dr. Samuel Johnson

Guest Star

Lee Cornes

Lee Cornes


Guest Star

Steve Steen

Steve Steen


Guest Star

Helen Atkinson-Wood

Helen Atkinson-Wood

Mrs. Miggins

Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (4)

  • QUOTES (16)

    • Blackadder: We are going to go to Mrs. Miggins, we're going to find out where Dr. Johnson keeps a copy of that Dictionary, and then you are going to steal it!
      Baldrick: Me?
      Blackadder: Yes you.
      Baldrick: Why me?
      Blackadder: Because you burnt it, Baldrick.
      Baldrick: But then I'll go to Hell forever for stealing!
      Blackadder: Baldrick, believe me, eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me and this pencil if we can't replace this dictionary.

    • Dr. Johnson: Where is my dictionary?
      Blackadder: (Innocently) And what dictionary would this be?
      Dr. Johnson: (Advancing on Blackadder) The one that has taken eighteen hours of every day for the last ten years! My mother died, I hardly noticed! May father cut off his head and fried it in garlic in hope of attracting my attention, I scarcely looked up from my work! My wife brought armies of lovers to the house, who worked in throngs so that she may bring up a huge family of bastards! I cared not!
      Blackadder: Am I to presume that my elaborate bluff has not worked?

    • Prince George: Perhaps you'd like me to lend a hand Blackadder, I'm not as stupid as I look!
      Baldrick: I am stupid as I look sir, but if I can help, I will.
      Blackadder: Well, it's very kind of you both, but I fear your services might be as useful as a barber's shop on the steps of the guillotine.

    • Blackadder: Sir, I have been unable to replace the dictionary, I'm therefore leaving immediately for Nepal, where I intend to live as a goat.

    • Shelley: Oh sir, bring out the dictionary at once!
      Byron: Bring it out sir, or in my passion, I shall kill everyone by giving them syphilis!
      Coleridge: Bring it out sir, and also any opium plants you may have there!
      Dr. Johnson: Bring it out sir, or we shall break down the door!

    • Baldrick: (Explaining his plan to recover the burnt dictionary) It's brilliant: you take the string, that's still not completely burnt, you scrape off the soot and you shove the pages in again.
      Blackadder: Which pages?
      Baldrick: Well, not the same ones of course.
      Blackadder: Yes, I think I'm on the point of spotting the flaw in this plan. But do go on, which pages are they?
      Baldrick: Well, this is the brilliant bit: you write some new ones.
      Blackadder: Some new ones. You mean rewrite the dictionary: I sit down tonight and rewrite the dictionary that took Dr. Johnson ten years.
      Baldrick: Yep.
      Blackadder: Baldrick, that is by far and away and without a shadow of doubt, the worst and most contemptable plan in the history of the universe.

    • Prince George: That pompous baboon won't be back in a hurry
      Blackadder: On the contrary sir, Doctor Johnson left in the highest of spirits.
      Prince George: What?
      Blackadder: He is utterly thrilled at your promise to patronize his dictionary.
      Prince George: (Confused) I told him to sod off didn't I?
      Blackadder: Yes sir, but that was a joke, surely.
      Prince George: (Confused) Was it?
      Blackadder: Certainly, and a brilliant one what's more.
      Prince George: (Smiling naively) Yes, yes I suppose it was rather, wasn't it?

    • Blackadder: I love you, Dr. Johnson, and I want to have your babies.
      (Blackadder and Dr. Johnson hug)

    • Prince George: I'm as happy as a Frenchman who has just invented a pair of self-removing trousers.

    • Blackadder: (to Samuel Johnson) Sir, the prince is young and foolish. And has a peanut for a brain.

    • Prince George: Well, yes, you see, only the other day, Prime Minister Pitt called me an idle scrounger, and it wasn't until later that I thought how clever it would've been to have said, "Oh, bugger off, you old fart!"

    • Prince George: Someone said I had the wit and intellect of a donkey.
      Blackadder: Oh, an absurd suggestion sir, unless it was a particularly stupid donkey.

    • Prince George: (wakes up agitated) Oh, Blackadder. Blackadder!
      Blackadder: You called sir?
      Prince George: Wha-wha-what time is it?
      Blackadder: Three o'clock in the afternoon, Your Highness.
      Prince George: Oh, thank God for that, I thought I'd overslept.

    • Blackadder: Oh, I'm sorry sir. I'm inuspeptic, frasmotic, even compunctious to have caused you such pericumbobulations.

    • Samuel Johnson: This book, sir, contains every word in our English language.
      Blackadder: Every single one, sir?
      Samuel Johnson: Every single one, sir.
      Blackadder: Oh. Well, in that case, sir, I hope you will not object if I also offer the doctor my most enthusiastic...contrafibularities.

    • Baldrick: So you're asking where the big papery thing tied up with string, belonging to the baity fellow in the black cape who just left is?
      Blackadder: Yes, I am. And if you don't answer, then the booted bony thing with the five toes on the end of my leg will soon connect sharply with the soft dangly collection of objects in your trousers.
      Baldrick: On the fire.
      Blackadder: What?
      Baldrick: The hot orangey thing under the large mantely thing.

  • NOTES (1)

    • Interestingly, the words - anaspeptic, phrasmotic, compunctious, pericumbobulation, interphrastically, pendigistatory interludicule, and velocitious extramuralisation - are non-real words, but are fictitious derivatives of a predecessory.