Blackadder

King Charles I: Blackadder, you're disguised as a priest! How dangerously stupid and perverted. It's just like school!

Blackadder: Sire, this is a matter of life and death! King Charles I: Nonsense Blackadder, I don't think there is a jury in England that would bring in a verdict of guilty against me. (A guard enters) Guard: Your Majesty, the verdict of the jury. (He hands Blackadder a document and exits) King Charles I: So, what does it say? Guilty or not guilty? Blackadder: (reads the document) I'll give you two guesses. King Charles I: Not guilty. Blackadder: One more guess.

King Charles I: Wait a minute - that voice has a familiar ring! And so does that finger!

Blackadder: Shut up, with the greatest respect, Your Majesty.

Baldrick: I have a cunning plan to save the king. Blackadder: Ha! Well forgive me if a don't do a cartwheel of joy; your family's history in the department of cunning planning is about as impressive as Stumpy O'Leg McNolegs' personal best in the Market Harborough marathon.

Blackadder: We will enter a hideous age of Puritanism. They'll close all the theaters...lace handkerchiefs for men will be illegal...and I won't be able to find a friendly face to sit on this side of Boulogne!

Blackadder: Oh damn! One measly civil war in the entire history of England and I'm on the wrong bloody side!

Blackadder: Baldrick, your brain is like the four-headed, man-eating haddock fish-beast of Aberdeen. Baldrick: In what way? Blackadder: It doesn't exist.