Narrator: I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is, I ate 5 bran muffins and still have my trampoline class to attend. Keith, the booger ball captain, is unconscious. The good news is, he's dreaming of drink an ice cold sparkling soda on a porch in the hot summer sun. Yes, he's in la-la land, but he doesn't know it. He's also dreaming of his summer vacation, which won't be happening because he'll be in the hospital through October, recuperating. But there's more good news. He will fully recover and go on to attend a 4-year college and be a booger ball player again.
(cell phone rings)
Keith: Hello. Who's calling?
Woman: Congratulations. You have a beautiful 9-pound boy. Ah...
Narrator: Well, news like that would send anybody into shock, but Keith's not having a baby. It's just that he hurts so much, it feels that way.