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Hatenko: I don't really care who wins, and I really don't care who loses.
(lights go out in the House of Blood; fighting is heard)
Bo-BoBo: Not the hair! Not the hair!
(more fighting is heard)
Don Patch: Not the shoes! Not the shoes!
(lights go on; Wacky Quacker appears tied up, hanging in the air)
Wacky Quacker: Well, it looks like you got me. Hey, don't leave me hanging!
Bo-BoBo: Oh, this place is just a tourist trap!
(Bo-BoBo, Beauty, and Don Patch walk out of the House of Blood)
Don Patch: I can't get too close to Bo-BoBo, or he'll defeat me using his devastating Fist of Nose Hair technique. My macho stance, with clenched fists and gritted teeth, isn't exactly striking fear into his heart.
Beauty: This is almost as bad as the script.
Don Patch & Bears: He doesn't understand it at all, at all. He doesn't understand it at all, at all.
Bo-BoBo: (to Don Patch) Patcherella, don't forget to clean the floors.
Narrator: This episode leaves so many unanswered questions. Will Hatenko join the group? Will Gasser ever accept him? Will Beauty get to take that vacation before the end of the series? Will Raincoat Man get his own fashion show? We'll find out in our next exciting episode. See you then.
Narrator: This was a true story. The names were changed to protect the innocent. Actually, the whole script was changed to protect the identity of the writer.
Hatenko: Fist of the Key! Lock!
Bo-BoBo: What do I look like, a front door? Aah!!
Narrator: But for you guys who are dating, send for my new book, How to Get Girls to Pay for Your Bill and Lots More.
Don Patch: But I don't understand.
Bear #1: You are a numbskull.
Don Patch: I know you're kidding.
Bear #1: No, I am not. You are a numbskull.
Don Patch: I may be stupid, but I'm not a fool.
Bo-BoBo: I'm a vitamin.
Don Patch: I'm calcium.
Narrator: These supplemental talks are off.
Max: And once Czar Baldy Bald sees how successful I've been, I'll finally be able to go on the vacation that I've been planning for oh so long.
Beauty: Ah! Where are you going?
Max: To my dream spot. It's so peaceful. It's so quiet. It's so serene. It's New Jersey.
Beauty: That's not Jersey.
Narrator: The Evil House of Blood had plenty of halls, but no closets.
Bearit: I'm broken. My number's up.
Grin: Bearit, talk to me.
Bearit: I'm afraid I've exploded, Grin. My extended warranty has expired.
Grin: Hang on, Bearit. I'm gonna try sending you a text message immediately.
Bearit: I've dialed my last wrong number.
Wacky Quacker: You will all soon learn that the Evil House of Blood contains traps everywhere inside. Anyone who is foolish enough to enter this building can't escape. Not even a mouse could get out of here alive. (laughs; a mouse runs by, reaching the outside)
Bo-BoBo: I can't believe we were fooled like this.
Beauty: As if it doesn't happen in every episode. (sighs)
Bo-BoBo: How you feelin', duck?
Duck: How do I feel? What do you think? I feel like I should've migrated south. That is the last time I stick my neck out. All I was trying to do was welcome you properly.
Bo-BoBo: I'm sorry about that. I guess you're just one unlucky ducky.
Duck: Aah! I forgot to duck! My goose is cooked! I'm gonna send you a bill from my chiropractor. Aah!
Narrator: Looks like Beauty smells something a little fish going on. But, then again, that could just be Don Patch's new aftershave.
Bo-BoBo: I thought it was a chain letter, but there's no chains. Oh, it says here that Czar Baldy Bald got married. Wha-What's that? Czar Baldy Bald's gotten married? I didn't even know he was dating. (looking at the picture) Hmm. What a surprise. And what an interesting tail. The bride is so... (to Don Patch) ... ugly!
Don Patch: There are many things that are mysterious about Don Patch, my friend. Like where'd I get this nasty scar.
Bo-BoBo: I've been meaning to ask you where you got that scar since episode 1!
Beauty: That's a lie! He didn't have it in episode 1!
Bo-BoBo: Who cares?
Don Patch: What do you mean "who cares"? Come on, try and guess where I got it. How come you never guess when I've got a secret? It's not fair at all.
Narrator: (reading title card) Episode 23, "Weddings, Wiggin's and Water Torture." Who could ask for anything more?
Narrator: Today's star witless witness is telling her side of the story. Talk about a trial by error.
Bo-BoBo: (blurred-out face; high-pitched voice) That horrible man was chasing me everywhere. Running behind my car no matter where I drove. It was only later that I found out that his necktie was caught in my trunk. I still don't forgive him.
Beauty: That's Bo-BoBo back there!
Narrator: So much for the Witness Protection Program. Anyway, in our last episode, Bo-BoBo faced off with a handsome young man named Hatenko. You have to hand it to that kid. He's a real master of the Fist of the Key. In fact, he bobbed and weaved with Bob, the Commander of the Hair Hunt Troops' M-Block. Once Hatenko was finished with him, he was done to a turn. In fact, he smelled a bit like burnt toast. Smokin'! Hatenko ended up losing a contact lens, Gasser lost an argument, Bo-BoBo lost his left knee, and everybody else ended up losing a lot of sleep over nothing. At least I think that's what happened in our last episode. I could be mistaken. Things are looking up, so don't let it get you down. That's a joke, son. I do know the sunny day turned dark when none other than Kittypoo from the Chrome Dome Empire turned up. No one could have guessed that Don Patch could smash with a bash and a crash. I didn't know the little gun of a sun had muscles anywhere other than in his head. It was such a shock, Beauty almost lost her lunch.
Don Patch: See, it's not a scar at all. It's a fake tattoo!
Bo-BoBo: (ignoring Don Patch; to Hatenko) I guess he sent you because he was too cheap to buy a stamp and mail it to me.
Don Patch: Actually, it's made of plastic. I fooled you all pretty good, didn't I?
Softon and Jelly Jiggler are still absent from the show.
First appearance of Czar Baldy Bald without being in shadow.
The narrator reads the cue card for this episode instead of Bo-BoBo.
Originally aired during the 10:30 PM EST/PST timeslot due to the movie, Princess Mononoke - part of the month of Miyazaki movies on Toonami.
Narrator: Like a surgeon, Don Patch is laying scratch for the very first time.
This is a reference to the Weird Al Yankovic song, "Like A Surgeon," which Weird Al parodied off of Madonna's "Like A Virgin."
Bo-BoBo and Don Patch: Cinderella
The scene in which Bo-BoBo (who plays the evil stepmother and fairy godmother) gives Don Patch (as Patch-erella) a "dress" to wear and a "magic carriage" to ride to the party parodies the story of Cinderella.
Raincoat Man: Japanese Joke
The Japanese word for "raincoat" is "kappa." Consequently, in Japanese Buddhism, a kappa is a water imp/deity, which is what Raincoat Man looks like.
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