Bones

Hodgins: (about Zack) He's weird, but he's smart.

Brennan: Let's pretend we are objective scientists and not indulge in conjecture.

(Booth and Brennan at Wuang Fu's) Booth: You know, I'm sorry for wrecking your weekend for nothing. Brennan: No, not for nothing. Booth: Ah, you know what I mean. You know all that running around it didn't change anything. Epps was guilty. He was always guilty. Brennan: There was doubt. We had an obligation to respect that doubt. We all share in the death of every human being. Booth: Very poetic. Brennan: No, very literal. We all share DNA. (very earnestly) When I look at a bone it's not some artifact that I can separate from myself. It's a part of a person who got here the same way I did. It should never be easy to take someone's life. I don't care who it is. (Booth stares at her intently for a long while) What? (he continues to stare and a smile begins to form on his lips) What? Booth: You know you've been practicing your Nobel prize speech just a little too much.

(Booth and Brennan are in a conference room in the FBI building, sitting across from each other. Booth is filling out a form.) Booth: Name? Brennan: You know my name. Booth: Bones, you are making an official request to the FBI to be allowed to carry a concealed weapon. I have to follow protocol. Brennan: It's ridiculous. Booth: Fine. Then we're done here. Do you want to get some coffee? Brennan: My name is Dr. Temperance Brennan. Booth: Reason for wanting a gun? Brennan: To shoot people. Booth: Not a good response. Brennan: It's the truth. Booth: You know, I'm writing self defense in the performance of my duties pursuing suspected felons as contracted out to the FBI. Brennan: So I can shoot them. Booth: (gives her a look but continues undeterred) Have you ever been charged with a felony? Brennan: Charged or convicted? Booth: Charged. Brennan: You know I have. Booth: I have to ask the questions. Brennan: Bureaucratic nonsense.

(Booth and Brennan are digging in the marsh for evidence) Brennan: What would you usually be doing? Booth: What? Brennan: If it were a normal weekend. Booth: You wanna discuss this now? Brennan: Compared to you with your multiple sex partners. Booth: You know, that's none of your business, ok? I'm not having sex with Amy and I've never, ever cheated on any woman that I've ever been with. Never! Brennan: I just asked what you'd normally be doing!

Amy: So, you seeing each other? Brennan: Who? Amy: You and Booth. Brennan: No. No, we're working together. Amy: Cause, I'm picking up a bit of a sex vibe. Brennan: No, that's tension. (a little frustrated) He has a girlfriend. Amy: Tall, blonde, beautiful? Brennan: (nods) Lawyer. Amy: Figures. Should've jumped him when I had the chance. Brennan: You're really interested in Booth? Amy: You aren't? Brennan: No. Amy: Well then why are you helping him? Brennan: Because he asked me, he said please.

Brennan: This is a personal favor you're asking. Booth: Not for me, for Amy. Brennan: Well, your personal favor would be for Amy but mine would be for you, strictly speaking. Booth: Please do me a favor. (he's pleading with his eyes) Please. (Brennan takes the file from him accepting)

Booth: Hey Bones, what're you doing this weekend? Brennan: I've got plans. Booth: Come on, I'm serious. Brennan: Between your girlfriend, the corporate lawyer, and the defense lawyer on the side your weekend must be completely booked. What is your thing with lawyers?

Booth: Name of arresting officer. Bones: You. Special Agent Seeley Booth. Do you need me to spell that for you? Booth: I think I can sound that out. Bones: So, when do I get the gun? (Booth stamps the application form and shows it to her. It says DENIED) Booth: You can't have a gun. Bones: Why not? Booth: Because you were charged with a felony. Bones: Write down that you were wrong to charge me. Booth: Oh, there is no space for that.

Angela: This is not the cabaret, my friend. Life is the cabaret. Come to the cabaret. (Bones looks confused) It's like explaining the moon to a mole.

Epps: (about death penalty) They say it's like going to sleep, but you're on fire, you're paralyzed, and you can't scream. Sometimes the scream is all you have, you know?

Judge Cohen: (Wearing an open robe and boxer shorts) These are not the robes I like to wear to work, Ms. Morton. Brennan: Sir, would you mind closing your dressing gown? Judge Cohen: It's one in the morning. Deal with it.

Judge: Dr. Brennan, if those shadows turned out to be pieces of bone, I'd be extremely angry. Brennan: Thank you, Judge Cohen. Judge: For making a veiled threat? Brennan: I thought you were threatening me because you had decided to sign the exhumation order.

Zack: (Ranting maniacally) I was out taking the pictures you needed and there was a sign and numbers on the ground and I thought, "Why assume a quasi-randomly generated function-oriented paradigm?" Hodgins: Zack! When you talk that fast, human beings can't hear you.

Zack: 1-2-4-0-2-5-1-0-2-2-1. That's the number they found on the victim. Hodgins: You're the one with the photographic memory. I'm the one that's good with the ladies.

Hodgins: (Answering the phone) Hodgins. Zack: Most recondite codes have a complex numerical cypher. Hodgins: That's a fun factoid, Zack. Thank you.

Bones: I'll ask the others but I won't order them. They might have plans. Booth: It's Friday night and they're racing beetles.

Angela: He's cuter than a monkey with a puppy

(after Brennan breaks Epps' wrist bone) Brennan: Are you going to arrest me for assault? Booth: From what I saw, purely self defense. Brennan: Maybe I shouldn't carry a gun after all. Booth: Hell, you can have mine.

Cullen: (to Booth) Got the squints involved. Well, if she [Brennan] shoots anybody this time, I sure the hell hope it's you.

Hodgins: What did you find? Brennan: A shard of bone. How'd they miss that? Hodgins: They're not as good as we are.

Booth: Bones, you don't need a gun. If anyone needs shooting, I'll do it. Brennan: But what if you're injured or dead and someone still needs shooting? I'm not hoping it will happen. I'm just stating the possibility. Booth: You know what, Bones? You're a professor, all right? You're not an FBI agent. Use your mutant powers...just talk people to death.

Brennan: Are you going to help [with the digging]? Booth: Well I would but, psh, this is a $1200 suit.

Booth: I think there are doubts when it comes to an execution. There shouldn't be any doubts. Prosecutor: He doesn't have doubts. He has cold feet. Booth: Do you think I won't pop you one just because we're standing in the judge's kitchen?

Troy: (Sees the exhumed body on the lab table.) Oh god! Angela: Don't look, sweetie. Troy: You're not an artist. You're a freak. You're all freaks. Angela: This job is so hard to describe online.

Booth: Why does he need a driver? Zack: I can't drive. Booth: You're a genius who can't drive? Zack: If you knew what I know about structural design, you wouldn't drive either.

Hodgins: You want in on the action? Angela: No thank you. I'm going to go have sex. Hodgins: Have a good time. Zack: Yeah, okay...

Hodgins: I demand another beetle. Jeff's got a groin pull. Zack: Arthropods do not possess groins. Pay up.

Booth: I told them not to let you in this building. I gave them your picture. Amy: Which is why I wore the tiny skirt.