Bones

Cam: (to Booth) Look, I'm great with corpses, but when it comes to loved ones, let's just say there's a reason why I'm not a pediatrician. So if you got a siren, turn it on.

Dr. Potoska: Now here we are lost in this stupid maze looking for the mummy. Booth: A mummy? Dr. Potoska: (talking over the radio) Yeah, I do not see a guillotine. (to Brennan and Booth) What would you call that? Brennan: Oh. Um, a cowboy? Booth: No, it's a scarecrow. Guy on Radio: Look just keep turning to the right, aight? Let me know when you reach the dragon. Dr. Potoska: (reaching a huge smiling witch) Ah dead end. With teeth.

Brennan: I'd like to assume that the automotive particulates arrive with the blowing air. Hodgins: Heated underground parking lots. Zack: How is that not guessing? Brennan: Einstein referred to such assumptions as acceptable intuitive leaps. Zack: I acknowledge Einstein as a scientific authority.

(Bones opens the door and snakes come out; she screams and jumps onto a ledge) Booth: What are you doing? They're not poisonous. Bones: (still scared) I know, I know! Booth: Then why don't you come down? Bones: It seems I'm not completely in control of my actions.

Bones: My gun is too big for me. Booth: I told you that a hundred times. Here, take mine, guard Megan.

Booth: Lola beats up the girls, leaves them bleeding, who shows up to help, access to drugs? Bones: The EMT, smart! You should wear a labcoat at all times.

Bones: What are you supposed to be? Booth: Oh, see, I'm a nerd squint, (pulls out an adding machine; in a high nasal tone) What is the rationale behind that conclusion? Bones: That's not what they look or sound like. Booth: (in character voice) Oh, you mean we, that's not what we look or sound like. Bones: Okay. Booth: See what I did right there, I corrected you, in character, (chuckles) as a squint.

Lola: He's got keys too, and so does cleaning crew, and park security. Booth: Wow, what about you? You got keys? Lola: I've got nothing else to say without a lawyer present. Booth: Okay, that's great pincushion, because you were practically invisible, until now, now you're bucking as #1 suspect.

Angela: Do you have a lot of experience with this kind of work? Amber Kippler: Angela Montenegro is not your birth name. You changed your name on your eighteenth birthday because it came to you in a dream. Angela: Uh... Hodgins: You never told me that! Angela: I never told anybody that. Amber Kippler: If I can discover something nobody knew about a client I'm not being paid to investigate, imagine what I can do for real. Hodgins: (impressed) Good point.

Hodgins: Her clothing came from a church-run thrift store. Cam: How could you possibly know that? Zack: There is no bug or slime specific to church thrift stores. Hodgins: You don't know that, I'm the bug and slime guy, you're just the auxiliary bone guy who dresses up as the back end of the cow. Cam: Hodgins. (rips off a tag from the clothes) Cam: "Free Church of America Thrift Store," huh? Tell Booth. Zack: I knew it wasn't bugs or slime. Hodgins: No you didn't, and that's what makes me King of the Lab. (gets a harsh look from Cam) A loyal servant of the empress. (Cam smiles)

Zack: I will be the back end of a cow. Hodgins: (sarcastically) So, no costume. Zack: (continues) Naomi from paleontology has agreed to be my front. Hodgins: Ah, so many jokes, so little time.

Booth: What are you wearing? Bones: What-now? Booth: No, not now, to the Jeffersonian Halloween Ball. Bones: What I always wear, are you going this year? Booth: I'm the official-unofficial FBI liaison to the Jeffersonian, of course I'm going.

Zack (dressed as the back end of a cow): We do not guess! Booth: You know what, you're a horse's ass. Zack: Cow. I'm a cow! See my udder?

Booth: What did you see? Woman: A corpse. Past the killer clown. Booth: Clown? EMT: You okay? Booth: Yeah. Brennan: You sure? Booth: Sure. Brennan: Come on. Booth: Clown. (inside the haunted house; Booth's looking at the clown) Brennan: What's wrong? Booth: (yelps) Uh, th-the phone rang, it's Cam. Phone's, ringing. Brennan: Coulrophobia. Booth: Huh? Brennan: The fear of clowns. Coulrophobia. Might explain why you shot that clown last year. Booth: (stuttering) I have no problems..clowns...stand right here, see. (the clown moves and Booth yelps and jumps)

Amber: I tried to seduce him you know. Angela: Hodgins? Amber: Eww, no, your husband.

Brennan: I'm sorry you had to kill someone. I know you hate that. Booth: Yeah he had it coming. Brennan: You hate it. (pauses) I'm sorry that happened to you. Booth: We saved a girl. That's a pretty good date. Brennan: Except not really a date. Booth: I know. Brennan: It was work, not a date. Booth: Really really hard work. Brennan: And we're not really, Wonder Woman and Clark Kent. We're Brennan and Booth. Booth: Look, you're the one who brought up the date analogy. (they smile at each other)

Brennan: (referring to the Halloween party) We could still go. Booth: Ah, we look like hell. Brennan: It's a Halloween party. We could be Wonder Woman and, ahm, what's Superman's secret identity? Booth: (putting his squint glasses on) Clark Kent. Brennan: Yes. We could be Wonder Woman and Clark Kent after a really, really bad date. Booth: Yeah, bad date because you shot me. Brennan: It was only a flesh wound and you dropped me on my head. Booth: After you shot me. Okay, I think I've got you on this one. Okay, Wonder Woman?

Booth: You're sure about this? Brennan: Not at all. Booth: Because you guessed. Brennan: W-we do not guess. Booth: I think you did. I dare you to put that lasso of truth around 'ya.

Zack: I'm worried that Naomi from paleontology will feel strange being only the front half of a cow. Hodgins: She got the good end of that deal. Brennan: Who's stronger, Catwoman or Wonder Woman? Zack and Hodgins: Wonder Woman. Brennan: I concur, vehemently. Hodgins: Now, ignoring the Hawaiian pollen, these 126 sites represent loci where the necessary concentrations of particulates can be found. Underground garages, tunnels, etc. Brennan: Dr. Sweets says that we can assume that the murderer works for a living. (Zack and Hodgins look at each other in disbelief) Hodgins: You want us to go on psychology?

Amber: (about Angela's husband) It's a fact, on a scale of one to ten he's a ten to the tenth power.

Bones: There are no coincidences in a murder investigation.

Hodgins: (about Angela's husband) We want you to contact him. Angela: And get him to sign the divorce papers. Amber: By get him do you mean...force him to sign them? Hodgins: If necessary. Do you have a gun? Angela: Or just remind him of who I am and ask him politely. Hodgins: What are you, Canadian?

Brennan: Is that your costume? Cam: Ah, yah! Brennan: It's sexually alluring. Cam: Thank you. I'm Catwoman. (Brennan looks at her questioningly) A superhero. One of the most powerful female superhero figures. Brennan: (laughs) I don't think so. Cam: Are you kidding, Catwoman? Brennan: Can you fly? Cam: I have nine lives. Brennan: Super strength, super speed, force people to tell the truth? Cam: I think I'm pretty fast. Brennan: Pretty fast is not super speed.

Brennan: Does Lola strike you as a snake person? Booth: Look, I'll deal with Lola, you go back to the lab. Brennan: Why? I won't hit her unless you say so. Booth: Look, I'll do my street thing, you'll do your lab thing, alright? Together we catch bad guys. That's good math.

Booth: You know, that's all you care about is science. Brennan: Well, in the end even someone who believes in empiricism and science has to take a leap of faith. Booth: What? Brennan: Well I believe in what I can hear, taste, see, touch and measure. You believe in what you feel. Pastor Jonas believes that God speaks to him through a sacred book. Booth: Yeah well, I feel like I'm on the wrong side of the argument here.

(Brennan, dressed as Wonder Woman, pulls out a gun) Booth: Okay, where did you even find a place to carry that?