Bones

DHS Officer: You were illegally transporting human remains ma'am. And you assaulted a Homeland Security agent. Bones: Look I'm sorry if I embarrassed you in front of your friends but next time you should identify yourself before attacking me.

Brennan: Those people deserved the truth. Booth: Their daughter was murdered; they deserved the kindness of a lie.

Booth: You're great at what you do but you don't solve murders ... guys like we do.

Cullen: So, you guaranteed a squint a field role in an active murder investigation? Booth: Yes sir. Cullen: The one that wrote the book? Booth: Yes sir. Cullen: I thought you said she wouldn't work with you anymore? Booth: Well, the last case we worked she provided a description of the murder weapon and the murderer, but I didn't give her much credence. Cullen: Why not? Booth: Because she did it by looking at the victim's autopsy x-rays. Cullen: Well, I wouldn't have given it much credence either. Booth: Turns out she was right on both. Plus the pond victim, (he hands the file to Cullen) Brennan gives me the victim's age, sex, and favorite sport. Cullen: Huh, which is? Booth: Tennis. Cullen: She's good. Booth: No, she's amazing. If the only way I can get her back on my side is to bring her out in the field, I'm willing. Cullen: Fine. She's on you. Take a squint out in the field, she's your responsibility. Booth: Yes sir.

Brennan: So what do you do first? Do you do confront the senator? Booth: Listen. Bones... Brennan: Don't call me Bones.

Angela: Lenny Kravitz or Vanessa Williams? Brennan: I don't know what that means.

Booth: What can you tell me? Brennan: Not much. She was a young woman, probably between 18 and 22. Approximately five-foot three, race unknown, delicate features. Booth: That's all? Brennan: Tennis player. Booth: How do you get a pretty tennis player out of that yuck?

DHS Officer: Fine. She's all yours. Booth: (to Brennan) Okay let's grab your skull and let's vamoose. Brennan: What? That's it? She's all yours? Why did you stop me? Booth: What does it matter? You're free to go. Let's just grab your bags. Brennan: You set me up. (to the DHS Officer) You got a "hold for questioning request" from the FBI. Didn't you? DHS Officer: (smiles at Brennan) I love this [Brennan's] book.

Booth: You know, if it weren't for you, those people would have never known what happened to their daughter. It's gotta be worse than the truth. Brennan: I know exactly how the Ellers felt about Cleo. My parents disappeared when I was 15 and nobody knows what happened to them. Booth: Being a sniper, I took a lot of lives. What I'd like to do before I'm done is to try and catch at least that many murderers. Brennan: Please. You don't think there's some kind of cosmic balance sheet. (Booth looks hurt) I'd like to help you with that.

Booth: You know, you being a good shot, doing martial arts, it's all your way of dealing. I mean, who knows better than you how fragile life can be. Brennan: Maybe an Army Ranger sniper who became an FBI homicide investigator.

Angela: You must know about her family. Both parents vanished when she was 15? Probably counts as the real world. Booth: Yeah. I know the story. I've read the file. The cops never found out anything. Angela: Yeah. Brennan figures that if maybe somebody like her had been there. Booth: Well, for somebody who hates psychology she sure has a lot of it.

Booth: You ok? Brennan: Don't be nice to me after I got you in trouble. Booth: Your heart was in the right place. Brennan: No. I'm not a heart person, you're a heart person. I'm a brain person. You vouched for me. Booth: Forget it. Brennan: No, I won't.

Booth: Getting information out of alive people is a lot different than getting information out of a pile of bones. You have to offer up something of yourself first. Brennan: What exactly did you do in the military? Booth: You see? You see what you did right there Bones? You asked a personal question without offering anything personal in return, and since I'm not a skeleton, you get zilch. Sorry!

Angela: (Talking about Brennan's book) Who you captured perfectly is Booth. Buttoned down, but buckets of sexual confidence which I, for one, would love to tap. Zack: It's not right to discuss tapping asses in front of a soaker.

Brennan: I find you very condescending. Booth: Me? I'm condescending? I'm not the one who's gotta mention that she's got a doctorate every five min- Brennan: I am the one with the doctorate. Booth: Yeah, well, you know what? I'm the one with the badge and the gun, huh?

Brennan: That's the best you can do? Booth: (Innocently) What? Brennan: Getting homeland security to snatch me so you can stage a fake rescue. Booth: At least I picked you up at the airport.

Hodgins: Is it paranoia that Monica Lewinsky was a KGB trained sex agent mole?

Angela: Is the FBI gonna lay charges against Brennan? Hodgins: She only shot him in the leg... once. Booth: She didn't give him a warning. She just shot him... with alcohol on her breath. Dr. Goodman: It was her first shooting, you can't expect her to be perfect right out of the gate. Zack: How much warning did you give people before you sniped them?

Oliver: Will you sign my book? Brennan: (annoyed) Stalk me Oliver and I will kick your ass.

Booth: Temperance, partners share things. Builds trust. Brennan: Since when are we partners? Booth: I apologize for the assumption.

Angela: Honey, you ever think that maybe you come off a little distant because you connect too much? Brennan: I hate psychology. It's a soft science. Angela: I know, but people are mostly soft. Brennan: Except for their bones. Angela: Yeah. You want some advice? Brennan: Glug-Glug Woohoo! Angela: Offer up a little bit of yourself every once in a while. Just, tell somebody something you're not completely certain you want them to know.

Brennan: What if Booth is right? What if I'm only good with bones and lousy with people? Angela: People like you. Brennan: I don't care if men like me. Angela: Oay, interesting, from people to men, but I'm sure it means nothing. Brennan: I hate psychology. My most meaningful relationships are with (laughs) dead people.

Hodgins: The Senator, ah, he is smart. He gets an intern pregnant, then murders her when it threatens his career, and he has the connections to get away with it. Brennan: (laughs) I hate it when you make paranoia plausible. It's like sliding off a cliff.

Booth: A case this big. The director is going to create a special investigation unit and if I line my ducks up in a row, I can maybe, head it up. Brennan: I don't know what that means but I think maybe I can be a duck.

Dr. Goodman: As a federally funded institution, the Jeffersonian must seize every opportunity to prove our worth to our friends in Congress. Which means I loan you out as I see fit, especially to federal agencies. Brennan: "Loan out" implies property Dr. Goodman, and the FBI will never respect mere property. Dr. Goodman: I do not view you as property, Dr. Brennan. You are one of the Jeffersonian's most valuable assets. Zack: An asset is, by definition, property. Dr. Goodman: What's the rule, Mr. Addy? Zack: You only converse with PhD's. You realize I'm halfway through two doctorates? Two halves make a whole so, mathematically speaking ... Dr. Goodman: Go polish a bone, Mr. Addy.

Booth: You know in my line of work, no clothes usually means sex crime. Brennan: In my line of work, it could also mean the victim favored natural fibers. Zack: Your suit for example, will outlast your bones by decades.

Booth: When did she die? Brennan: ehh. Zack: ehh. Booth: What does that even mean? Zack: It means wait until our bug and slime guy takes a look.

Brennan: (looking at the screen) What exactly am I supposed to be squinting at? Booth: Ahh, you know, it's like pornography. You'll know when you see it.

Booth: You know you're not the only forensic anthropologist in town. Brennan: (laughs) Yes I am. The next nearest is in Montreal. Parlez-vous français?

Angela: You know, diving head first in a pit of cadavers is no way to handle a messy breakup. Brennan: Angela, nothing Pete and I ever did was messy. Angela: (laughs) Then you were not doing the right thing.

Brennan: (seeing Angela flashing her chest to an airport worker who's ignoring her) Tell me you tried "excuse me" first. Angela: Ah Sweetie. Yes I did. Welcome home. Are you exhausted? Was Guatemala awful? Was it horribly backward? Brennan: And yet I was never reduced to flashing my boobs for information. Angela: Flashing for any fun reasons?

Brennan: It's not rational for you to choose the first day I'm back to reclaim your television. Pete: While you were away I thought a lot about why we broke up. Brennan: We fought all the time and don't like each other anymore. Pete: We fought because you were emotionally distant and cold but sexually speaking I think you'll agree... Brennan: You didn't come for your TV. You timed this for a booty call.

Brennan: (to Booth while he's driving) If you drive one more block I'm screaming "kidnap" out the window.

Zack: A good hypothesis withstands testing. That's what makes it a good hypothesis.

Angela: Can I, as the only normal person in this room, say…eww?

Booth: He's got no sense of discretion, that kid. Typical squint. Brennan: I don't know what that means. Booth: When cops get stuck we bring in people like you, ya know? Squints, you know, squint at things. Brennan: Oh you mean people with very high IQs and basic reasoning skills?

Booth: Bones identifies bodies for us. Brennan: Don't call me Bones and I do more than identify.

Goodman: Dr. Brennan, are you playing me? Brennan: You know I'm no good at that. Goodman: Hmm, thus far, but you have a disturbingly steep learning curve.

Booth: You expect me, a federal agent, to declare war on a United States senator based on your little holographic crystal ball? Brennan: It's not magic. It's a logical recreation of events based on evidence.

Oliver: Did he kill Cleo? Booth: Yeah, he killed Cleo. Oliver: Okay. Then, I'm down with him bleeding to death. Booth: That guy bleeds to death, Bones will go on trial for attempted murder. You don't want that now, do you? Oliver: I wouldn't want that. Booth: No. Besides, you know, applying pressure, that can be very painful. (Oliver shuffles over to stop the bleeding)

Booth: What are you trying to do? Brennan: Blackmail you. Booth: Blackmail a federal agent. Brennan: Yes. Booth: I don't like it. Brennan: I'm fairly certain you're not supposed to. Booth: Fine. You're in.

Booth: What's it going to take? Brennan: Full participation in the case. Booth: Fine. Brennan: Not just lab work. Everything. Booth: What? You want me to spit in my hand? We're Scully and Mulder. Brennan: I don't know what that means.

DHS Officer: Most people in this situation, what they do, is sweat. Brennan: Guatemala. Genocide. How are you scary after that?

Booth: A decomposed corpse was found this morning at Arlington National Cemetery ... Brennan: Arlington National Cemetery is full of decomposed corpses. It's a cemetery. Booth: Yea but this one is your type of corpse, it wasn't in a casket.