Bones Season 3 Episode 8

Brennan: Saying someone is a whiz at psychology is like saying they're good at mind reading. It's a series of lucky guesses.
Booth: Well, I'm bringing Sweets in on the case.
Zack: You make fun of him all the time.
Booth: Only when he messes with our heads.

(Brennan's phone rings)
Brennan: Brennan.
Zack: (on the phone) Dr. Brennan, it's me Zack. I found something in the Gormogon vault I think you should see.
Max Keenan: (screaming at the phone) What are you being such a hard ass on my kid for Booth?
Zack: Who's that?
Brennan: Nobody.

Brennan: What about a corruptor?
Booth: Trip was arranged by a lobbyist. Is that too literal?
Sweets: A lobbyist? Oh that's a total pretender to the throne. (laughs) This is how we roll. Right guys?

Russ: Tempy, what happened to you?
Brennan: I got blown up.

(Booth lets Russ see Hayley at the hospital)
Brennan: Thank you Booth.
Booth: Oh, this never happened don't thank me, as far as the Bureau is concerned, I caught him here, 15 minutes from now.
Brennan: (kisses Booth's cheek) Thank you, Booth.
Booth: Just don't tell anyone.

Judge: If I had a gavel, I'd bang it, but how about the last one out just slams the door?

(Booth and Bones go to see the suspected cannibal, Mr. Graves)
Nursing Home Employee: Mr. Graves has been here for five years. In a wheelchair for the last four. Sweet guy; a little particular about what he eats.
Booth: You have no idea.

(discussing a number Zack found on the skeleton)
Cam: Ten twenty-six? What is it?
Zack: It's a number.

Bones: Caroline, I think it should be worth something that Russ turned himself in.
Caroline: Bumpin' into Booth at the hospital is not the same as turning himself in.
Bones: That's not what happened.
Caroline: It's what Booth says happened.
Bones: No, Russ turned himself in, but I convinced Booth to let him go see Hayley at the hospital.
Caroline: I did not hear that.
Bones: (louder) Russ turned himself in, but I convinced Booth to let him go see Hayley at the hospital!
Caroline: Do I have this straight? You're a genius? An honest to goodness, dyed in the wool genius?
Bones: (tentatively) Yes?

Booth: All right, listen. Mr. Porter, we are just trying to help here.
Mr. Porter: The FBI is investigating influence peddling. I am one of your targets. Somebody eating the faces off the knights of Columbus, how stupid do you think I am?
Bones: Right now? Very, very stupid.

(Hodgins and Booth are searching for a mausoleum)
Hodgins: Look. (reads Latin inscription) Pater Mortuus.
Booth: Yeah it means 'Dead Father'.
Hodgins: You know Latin? Dude.
Booth: Altar boy.

Archbishop Wallace: Somebody ate Doug?
Booth: Just a part of him.
Archbishop Wallace: A lovely decent man. Humble. Dedicated to serving others...unfortunate choice of words given that someone ate him.
Booth and Bones: (in unison) Just a part of him.

(in the lab, after Bones got kneecaps in the mail)
Booth: Okay look Bones, you are gonna, you know, stay with a friend, check into a hotel, right?
Angela: She can stay with me.
Booth: Great!
Bones: Thank you, no. Why?
Cam: Mr. Kneecaps has your home address?
Bones: I can't freak out every time somebody Googles me.
Booth: Cam, she goes nowhere alone.
Bones: Cam! Don't listen to him!
Booth: Cam, who are you more afraid of - me or her?
Bones: Booth!
Cam: Whoa! So this is what it's like to be a kindergarten teacher.

Booth: Okay here's the thing, Russ. You run again, you disappoint that woman and her kids and you break your sister's heart, I will...
Russ: (interrupts Booth) Do something, terrible. I got it.
Booth: Yeah I hope you do. (turning to the marshalls) All yours boys.
Russ: (walking away) Hey Booth. Thanks.
Booth: Yeah. Clean nose buddy. Clean nose, clean heart.

Zack: I could start a solution but it would extend into infinity.
Angela: How long would that take.
Zack: (looking appalled) Forever. Obviously.

Caroline: Dr. Brennan. I like you...on and off. But your brother is a material witness in my murder case. I cannot recommend that he be set free.
Brennan: Please?
Caroline: Aww. Well, now that you said please...
Brennan: Are you being sarcastic?
Caroline: Yes!!

Caroline: (to Brennan) Normal person gets blown to hell they go home, pour a glass of wine, watch TV!

Sweets: It's awesome! It's like the Sith Lords man, there's always only two of them.
Booth: Did you just "Star Wars" us?

Brennan: There are levels of "bad guy" Russ, and you're not even on the first level.
Russ: Why do I feel like you just called me a sissy?

Hodgins: There are, secret societies working today. It's naïve to think otherwise. (Sweets doesn't answer)
Hodgins: You think I'm paranoid.
Sweets: Yeah. The question is, how paranoid?

Brennan: I have a question.
Booth: No, you can't drive. We're under cover and I'm the taxi driver.
Brennan: Passengers don't sit in the front seat.
Booth: You're not a passenger, kay? You're a trainee and I'm training you how to drive a taxi cab.

Brennan: If we fool them into thinking that we're transferring the sculpture, he might try to grab it.
Booth: No.
Brennan: No, if he wants it as much as Sweets say then he'll try to steal it!
Booth: No.
Brennan: Why not?
Booth: Because I didn't think of it.

(Booth and Bones are talking in Booth's office while Russ walks in)
Russ: Where's Hayley?
Brennan: Russ! You came to the FBI!
Russ: Yeah, that was the deal!
Booth: Wow, this just keeps gettin' better. Alright. Russ Brennan you're under arrest. C'mon you know the drill.

Brennan: So, the next victim is a corruptor.
Hodgins: So...let's call up every porn kingpin and drug dealer in the country. Tell 'em to look out for a lunatic with a napkin in his collar holding a knife and fork.

Hodgins: What do you want me to do?
Cam: Uhh...be on the lookout for a, face-eating cannibal who uses a walker?

Hodgins: Ya got a key?
Booth: Yeah, brought my own. (holds up a crowbar)
Hodgins: Wait, wait. Wait wait!
Booth: What?
Hodgins: Can I do it?
Booth: No! You don't let me play with your bugs!

Cam: What's that?
Hodgins: A mausoleum at Silver Hill cemetery.
Cam: You wanna look inside?
Hodgins: Hell yeah I do.

Brennan: Zack shouldn't you be figuring out what was used to excise the kneecaps?
Zack: Yes, Dr. Brennan. (walks away, then Booth laughs)
Brennan: What?
Booth: You just, dismissed Zack.
Brennan: No I didn't!

Booth: My idea of art is a half-naked woman on the side of a van.
Sweets: That's interesting.
Booth: No it's not interesting Sweets, because it was a joke.

Brennan: Zack's right. The victim's patellas were removed surgically.
Zack: (looking triumphant; turning to Hodgins) King of the lab.

Booth: Bones she usually uh, kneels next to the remains.
Cam: These are designer pants, and my bodies are always so much … gooshier than Dr. Brennan's.