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Bones: The warden says no Christmas tree.
Caroline: That's right. Three years ago, somebody made a shiv out of the star. Now no trees or ornaments of any kind.
Bones: Isn't that a little dreary?
Caroline: Hey, don't kill people, don't get sent to prison, have a Christmas pageant in your own home every year.
-
Brennan: (about the Santas) We have to sniff their behinds.
Booth: We have to sniff ... (pauses, confused) You lost me there.
-
Brennan: Look, Amy will be there, Dad will be there, the girls will be there.
Russ: And you?
Brennan: I was going to, but ... we're not the only people getting the trailer and I thought it would be in the afternoon, but now it's Christmas Eve and ... I gotta be on that plane.
Russ: To Peru?
Brennan: Yeah.
Russ: Tempy, Dad wants us all. And you're one of us.
-
Cam: So Santa was definitely murdered. Someone didn't like their present...
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(Brennan, Booth, and Cam are at the murder scene)
Booth: So what do you say we just get back to our, dead Santa here.
Brennan: He's not Santa, Booth. He's a dead man, in a costume.
Cam: Well, the beard looks real, and he's pretty fat.
Brennan: Which doesn't make him Santa.
Cam: Well, let's not jump to conclusions.
-
Hodgins: The maggots in dead Santa's collar fed on high concentrations of non-sulfated chondroitin glycosaminoglycans and N-acetylneuramic acid.
Cam: This is why Booth hates talking to you.
Hodgins: It's the regurgitated saliva of the male Aerodramus fuciphagus. Wait, Booth hates talking to me?
Cam: Not you specifically - lab people.
-
Cam: (seeing the dead "Santa" in a sewer) You'd think someone who can squeeze up and down chimneys would find a sewer a snap.
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Caroline: You kiss Seeley Booth on the lips, and I'll make sure your daddy has his dream Christmas. No tree, mind you, but otherwise, as good as an accused murderer can expect.
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Max: I'm in dress rehearsal, for a Christmas Carol.
Brennan: You're Jacob Marley?
Max: I wanted to be Scrooge, but some triple homicide in Cell Block H got the part. You don't want to know how.
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Zack: If you take into account all believers of the myth, factor in time zones, rotation of the Earth, and assume Santa travels east to west, he would have to make approximately 822.6 visits per second to reach every child.
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Max: By the way, this is the best Christmas I have had in sixteen years.
Brennan: Me too.
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Bones: My father is a murderer and a thief.
Booth: Well, murderers and thieves, they get Christmas too, in fact it's kinda the point.
Bones: Well, I have other plans.
Booth: Well, whatever they are skeletons and Christmas do not mix.
Bones: That's exactly what my father said.
-
Bones: You love Christmas.
Booth: I love it, you know, when I have Parker. But this year he's going skiing in Vermont with Rebecca and "Captain Fantastic".
Bones: Who's Captain Fantastic?
Booth: It's her boyfriend, commands a Coast Guard cutter.
Bones: His last name isn't literally Fantastic is it?
Booth Might as well be.
-
Booth: When you get back, me and you will have our own Christmas, just the two of us.
Parker: Without Captain Fantastic.
Booth: You know, we shouldn't call Brent "Captain Fantastic" anymore.
Parker: Why? You do.
Booth: Well, I won't anymore.
Parker: Why? It's funny.
-
Caroline: Congratulations! I hear you have a suspect in the Santa slaying?
Booth: Yeah, well, it looks like the Easter Bunny has nothing to worry about.
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Angela: You know, this is our first Christmas as a couple.
Hodgins: Awww, too bad Santa's dead.
Angela: I thought that we could make Christmas decorations for our tree. Is that too corny? It's what my family did when I was little. And I always thought you know, when I had my own family that, I'd carry on the tradition.
Hodgins: Are two people a family?
Angela: Isn't that how every family starts?
Hodgins: Then I think us making decorations is just corny enough.
-
Hodgins: Our victim was kicked by a reindeer.
Angela: Oh, get the hell outta here!
Zack: The sacrum.
Angela: Wait, wait, the evidence actually adds up to an old fat man, with a white beard, in a custom-made Santa suit, who smoked a clay pipe, and got kicked in the ass by a reindeer?
-
Booth: Christmas is about making the impossible happen.
Bones: You mean, like you spending Christmas with Parker?
Booth: Okay, you know what? That hurt. Wake me up when the Squint Squad finds out something.
-
Bones: (to Dr. Sweets) Booth, who is a very honest person, says, that at this time of year deception is necessary for the happiness of little children.
Booth: I'm being mis-quoted.
Dr. Sweets: Booth is absolutely right.
-
Booth: (on the phone with Rebecca) He's fine, Rebecca. No ... just listen, I will get him back in time, tomorrow, before you leave for Vermont.
Parker: I hate Vermont!
Booth: No, I didn't tell him to say that!
-
Parker: Are you gonna to be all alone at Christmas?
Booth: Me? Nah, I'm not gonna be alone ... gonna be with Bones and all of our friends.
Brennan: I'm going to Peru.
Booth: See we're all going to Peru.
Parker: You're having Christmas in Africa?
Brennan: No, actually Peru is-
Booth: Is Africa, isn't that right Bones?
-
(after Bones tells Booth she's going to kiss him)
Bones: I'm only telling you out of professional courtesy.
Booth: What?
Bones: So that you won't be surprised.
Booth: Yeah but when you say kiss you mean like, kiss kiss on both cheeks?
Bones: No the lips.
-
Booth: Hey, so we figured we'd call and uh, wish you a little uh, yuletide cheer.
Parker: Merry Christmas, Bones.
Bones: (laughs) Thanks Parker.
-
Booth: Aww three days before Christmas and somebody killed Santa.
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Brennan: (after kissing Booth) It was like, kissing my brother.
Caroline: You sure must like your brother.
Booth: She does.
Brennan: I do.
-
(Brennan is trying to get Caroline to let her dad and brother use a trailer for Christmas so family can visit)
Caroline: I will.
Brennan: You will? Thank you!
Caroline: On one condition.
Brennan: Booth said you'd say that.
Caroline: Did he say I'd ask you to kiss 'im?
Brennan: (laughs) No. Well are you?
Caroline: No cheeks, no noses - right on the lips.
Brennan: W-people kiss people on the nose?
Caroline: I want you to kiss him, under some mistletoe.
Brennan: (laughs) Kiss Booth?
Caroline: That's right chérie.
Brennan: Why?
Caroline: Because it will amuse me.
Brennan: Why?
Caroline: Because, you're all, "Dr. Brennan" and "Special Agent Seeley Booth" and, it's Christmas and I have a puckish side that will not be denied.
Brennan: Puckish?
Caroline: What's the matter you don't think I can be puckish?
-
Brennan: (to Sweets) I have a crisis.
Booth: (whispering) Bones it was just mistletoe.
Brennan: Not the kiss. That was nothing.
Sweets: You kissed?
Booth: Mistletoe.
Brennan: That's not the crisis.
Sweets: Was there tongue?
Booth: All right, you know what? Get your own sex life-
Brennan: Wh-that has nothing to do with sex.
Booth: Nothing.
Brennan: No.
Booth: There was no ... it was ... mistletoe.
Brennan: Totally sexless.
-
Brennan: (right after kissing Booth) Was that enough steamboats?
Caroline: (astonished) Plenty. A whole flotilla.
Booth: I don't know what that means but um ... Merry Christmas.
-
Brennan: What about a tree?
Caroline: No Christmas tree. No way. Not even if you squeeze his buttocks.
-
Caroline: You kiss Booth on the lips for no less than ... one steamboat, two steamboats - five steamboats.
Brennan: That's blackmail.
Caroline: That's correct.
Brennan: That's unethical.
Caroline: That's the deal. Take it or leave it.