Bones Season 3 Episode 1

Booth: I mean, how hard can it be to replace one weirdo squint?
Cam: I'd hire Clark, but it's not my call.
Booth: No, no, it is! I mean, you've given Bones enough time, just hire the guy!
Cam: Usually when you get all blustery, it's cause you think something's your fault.
Booth: Yeah well, you know, I did arrest her father for murder, she could be having trouble with that.
Cam: Exposing a parent to the death penalty can have a chilling effect on a partnership.
Booth: Well, look, I asked Bones if that was a problem, she said no.
Cam: Well, I gotta wonder if deep down anybody is that rational.
Booth: You're not reassuring here, Camille.
Cam: If you're looking for reassurance, find someone who's not such a good friend, Seeley.

Doug Doyley: So your husband signed his name to the marriage license with an 'X'?
Angela: Yeah.
Doug Doyley: So you married a guy without knowing his name.
Angela: It was Fiji, okay. I was on vacation.

Boy: I was driving behind a dump truck, and that came flying off the back.
Brennan: Do you think the rest of the skeleton is still in the truck?
Boy: No.
Brennan: Why?
Boy: It didn't come flying out, if came flying off. It bounced.
Booth: Oh, a bouncing skull.
Brennan: Or perhaps you thought that because you were under the influence of tetrahydrocannabinol.
Boy: What?
Booth: Weed.

Brennan: How did this skull get here?
Booth: Ask our eyewitness. (runs off to get a teenage boy) Let's go buddy. (brings the boy over to Brennan)
Boy: I am not high.
Brennan: Neither am I, why is he telling me that?

Cam: Something chewed on the skull.
Booth: Oh, like a bear or a dog?
Cam: Human, Booth. Dr. Brennan is saying human.
Brennan: In the vernacular, our victim's face was chewed off by a cannibal.
Booth: (throws away the rest of his hot dog) Okay.

Caroline Julian: (to the squints) I find that you maintain an impressively consistent level of annoyance at all times, why?

Cam: Obviously, we're looking for someone that really, really hates classical music...

Zack (looking up from the skull to find everyone staring at him): It's hard to concentrate when you're all staring at me...

Zack: Hey! Why are you listening to my chest?
Booth: Because I thought you were dead.
Zack: Why?
Booth: Why? You're lying on a stainless steel table for dead people.
Zack: I got tired.
Booth: New rules okay? Sleeping is for couches and beds and stuff like that.

Hodgins: (to Zack) Man! You look like crap!
Cam: Well, Iraq's not a vacation.

Brennan: Hodgins, the reason I'm not going out in the field with Booth is that I'm trying to find a replacement for Zack.
Hodgins: There is no replacement for Zack. I mean, he's good with bones, excellent at math, he's pretty brilliant at making contraptions, and when our experiments blew up it was easy to pin the blame on him. In my book all that makes Zack irreplaceable.
Brennan: Exactly, which is why I'm stuck in the lab, not some other reason.
Hodgins: The only thing you can do is forgot about replacing Zack and find someone who can just help out around here.

(About the cause of death.)
Clark: Did I get it right?
Cam: Yes. Construction worker, foundation collapse.
Clark: But I'm not impressing her.
Cam: I'm still not completely certain what Dr. Brennan thinks of me.

Zack: Actually what I'd like is to get into whatever it was you were talking about, before Dr. Brennan's mental problem.

Angela: Oh, okay, that narrows it down, he's a sailor, he's maybe Brazilian, and he's named after a flute.
Hodgins: You know what else narrows it down, he's a Titan, half man half god, I mean, I can see why...why you...I mean I totally...I do....I get it.

Booth: Bones, I mean, you see what's going on here right?
Bones: What are you talking about?
Booth: You-you're getting them all to help you now.
Angela: Booth, the vault is filled with priceless artifacts.
Cam: And probably materials stolen from other victims.
Hodgins: It's gonna take months to sift through all that evidence.
Booth: No, this is enabling, you're enabling somebody with a mental problem.
Bones: Zack...
Booth: No, you-you Bones, you're the one with the mental problem.

Booth: When I put your old man in jail, you said you understood.
Bones: Don't start again Booth, we'll be together as soon as I replace Zack.

Booth: Is this the guy that Bones is checking out to replace Zack?
Cam: Clark Edison meet Special Agent Seeley Booth.
Clark: Hey, what's up? Bones, that's funny, that's what all my friends call me back in college.
Booth: Yeah, I like him.

Bones: A cannibalistic violin thief who eats faces?
Booth: Yeah, that's a stretch, but uh, see how this is, us working together, very symbiotic.
Bones: You said that already, what is it, the word of the day?

Booth: We got anything human?
Bones: We'll have to go through them and see.
Clark: Well, I could do that Dr. Brennan.
Booth: Yeah, Clark could do that.
Clark: Mm-hmm.
Bones: There's too many, this could take days, even with the two of us.
Booth: (skeptically) Aww, come on, (to Clark) is that true?
Clark: Huh? Dude, you're kinda putting me in an awkward position there.
Booth: (To Clark under his breath) Zack would have told me.

Booth: This is good, first time you've called me in weeks!
Bones: There's scoring on the skull.
Booth: Scoring?
Bones: Yes, scrapes.
Booth: Yeah, I know what scoring means.
Bones: The scraping is uniform in scraping, but not in depth, which suggests an ungual pattern.
Booth: What's an uncle pattern?
Bones: No, ungual, g-uh g-uh, ungual.

Booth: So, what, it's been three months since Zack shipped off to Iraq?
Bones: Yeah.
Booth: How hard could it be to replace him?
Bones: (ignores him and examines the skull in the windshield) Male, Caucasian.
Booth: You know, I'm just saying, I mean, you in the lab, me in the field, we are not working at our full symbiotic potential.
Bones: Late teens early twenties, completely devoid of flesh or odor.
Booth: (taps windshield with his pen) It just seems like, maybe you don't wanna work with me anymore.

Booth: Where's Bones?
Brennan: Right behind you.
Booth: Oh great listen I got Charlie to check out all the places with that red rock.
Brennan: Pink syenite.
Booth: Yeah, there's only one place that uses the pink rock in its foundation. It's an old deserted bank on the Acacia river.
Cam: Bingo baby.
Brennan: Why bingo baby?
Booth: I checked into the ownership of the place.
Brennan: (still skeptical) Why bingo baby?
Cam: Shell companies owning defective titles, blah blah blah.
Brennan: I don't get the significance ...
Booth: It's deserted, isolated, it's a fortress ...
Cam: Serial killer heaven.

Brennan: I'm curious... in an explosion, how would shutting your eyes help?
Booth: Uh? It just... it does, okay?

Angela: (describing her husband to the private investigator) Tall...yes. Muscular...black! That's all I got. You know what? I think his name had a 'B' in it. Actually it could have been a 'K'. You know what? I can make you a sketch.

(Hodgins sees a picture of Angela's possible husband)
Hodgins: You forgot to mention that he was a giant.

(Booth laughs)
Brennan: What's funny?
Booth: I thought you were gonna kiss my hand again.
Brennan: I did not kiss your hand! You put it over my coffee cup.
(Booth coughs)
Booth: Felt like you kissed it.
Brennan: No.
Booth: Felt like it.
Brennan: No.

Booth: There's something else I gotta know and it's important. We solid?
Brennan: You and me? Yeah.
Booth: No, not just you and me, the squints, too. Zack is back for good, Angela and Hodgins have their head back in the game, Cam, she's locked in.
Brennan: Why are you asking me this?
Booth: Because, you and me, we're the center.
Brennan: And the center must hold.
Booth: Right. So, are we gonna hold?
Brennan: Yeah, we'll hold. We're the center.
Booth: The center.

Angela: You are not gonna hire that one either!
Brennan: I haven't made up my mind yet.
Angela: And when you don't hire him it just prolongs this lame excuse for you not to go out into the field with Booth.
Brennan: Why would I do that?
Angela: Because, when Hodgins and I ran away from our wedding we left you and Booth standing at the altar. And that iconic image totally freaked you out.
Brennan: No, it didn't.
Angela: Sweetie, this is not one of those things where you try to keep a secret and I ferret out the truth. This is where I tell you something that's true so you can catch up to your own reality.
Brennan: Ange, I've no idea what you're talking about.
Angela: Which actually proves my point. I really love you to bits and pieces sweetie, I know you love me back. We'll talk again, when you catch up.

(Booth and Brennan are talking about the suspect)
Brennan: I'd like to be in on it when you interrogate him. (Booth looks at her in happy disbelief) What?
Booth: You would?
Brennan: Why are you surprised?
Booth: Wait, are you serious? I've been trying to get you out of the lab since Zack left.
Brennan: Well, Zack's back so here I am.
Booth: That simple?
Brennan: Why? Did Angela say something to you?
Booth: No. Angela, why? What?
Brennan: I told you this isn't about psychology.
Booth: Fine, fine. (tripping joyfully to the door of his office) Hey, you know what I say huh, welcome home Zack!

Booth: (After staring at Bones for a while) No, you weren't upset because Zack was gone.
Brennan: Yes I was!
Booth: Ok, yeah, but you were more upset over the fact that I didn't stop him from going in the first place. I mean, look, I could have said to him "Zack, Iraq is no place for a guy like you".
Brennan: And he'd never have left. You could have stopped him. Why didn't you do that?
Booth: Whatever Zack's deal is, ok, his weirdness, whatever you wanna call it...
Brennan: I call it genius.
Booth: You know, he's a man, he's a, ahm, he's a strange man but he's a man, who wanted to serve a larger purpose.
Brennan: This is some alpha male rite of passage?
Booth: No.
Brennan: You mean go to war?
Booth: Wrong, no. Zack needed to leave the nest the same way you did when you wanted to leave the lab and see the world for the first time. And I helped you do that. How could I stop Zack from doing the exact same thing in his own way?

Cam: You arrested the Deputy Director of the Secret Service for voyeurism?
Booth: Yeah. Bones in her office?
Cam: That is awesome and really really stupid. You gotta love a self-destructive man with values.

Bones: There's a phrase in ancient Greek burned into the back of the vault door.
Booth: Well, what's it say?
Bones: I don't know, it's in ancient Greek.