Bones Season 1 Episode 11

Hodgins: (to the agent who called him a non-security risk) I know things that would curdle your blood, including a formula that literally curdles blood.

Pickering: Can you tell me what you were doing in Cuba?
Brennan: Only if you told me first.
Pickering: I beg your pardon?
Brennan: I don't know your security clearance.
Pickering: Well, what is your security clearance?
Brennan: You should check with the State Department.
Pickering: I'm from the State Department.
Brennan: Then that should make it easy for you.
Pickering: (stares incredulously) When you were in Cuba, did you meet with a man named Juan Guzman?
(Brennan stares in shock. She holds a finger up, picks up the phone, and dials while Pickering looks on in confusion.)
Brennan: Hello. It's Dr. Brennan from the Jeffersonian. You told me to call you if anyone asked about...you know. Him. (pauses) Someone from the state department named Samantha Pickering. (gives phone to Pickering)
Pickering: Pickering. (pauses) Yes, sir. Yes, I'll wait-I'll wait here. (gives phone back to Brennan, who hangs up)
Brennan: Any more questions?
Pickering: No. Uh, no, in fact, the entire review is suspended. I'm to wait here until someone comes to destroy my notes.

Pickering: Hypothetically, you have a piece of information.
Zack: Secret and meaningful information?
Pickering: Yes. And the security of the country at stake. Could I bribe you to give it to me?
Zack: No.
Pickering: Threaten you?
Zack: No.
Pickering: What if I made a reasonable, rational argument? Very persuasive.
Zack: Merely persuasive?
Pickering: Irrefutable. I make an irrefutable argument as to why you should give me this piece of information. Would you do so?
Zack: Not without checking with Dr. Brennan or Angela first. See what they said. Maybe Agent Booth if he talked to me. He probably wouldn't. I'd check with Dr. Hodgins, but he'd say it was all part of some conspiracy so I mostly only take his advice on women.

Booth: We're looking for an abandoned gas station or a mechanic's shop off the grid. You know, you guys are geniuses.
Zack: How do we find that?
Booth: I work for the FBI, you idiot.
Hodgins: Way to go, Zack. We went from geniuses to idiots in three seconds.

Hodgins: (to Pickering) Okay, okay. So you're telling me that my toe-chewing moron cousin, was appointed to a secret post in a secret part of the government, you can't tell me about, so you compiled a secret dossier on me, but I'm the one who's paranoid.

Zack: I'm getting a degree in Forensic Anthropology. I'm halfway through another in Engineering. What are you afraid I'll do? Build a race of criminal robots, who'll destroy the Earth?
Pickering: Do you have that kind of fantasy often?
Zack: Very often.
Pickering: Does it concern you that such adolescent thoughts are a sign of emotional retardation?
Zack: I have been told. I'm working on it.
Pickering: And can you understand why that concerns us?
Zack: Not really.

Brennan: (to Booth) You know what? You tough guys are all very sentimental.

Brennan: It's not often I get to help save someone before they die.
Booth: Oh hell, Bones, every time you catch a murderer you save his next victim.
Brennan: No, this is different.
Booth: Yeah. Still glad you don't have any kids?
Brennan: Yeah. Why?
Booth: You looking at that boy and his dad, I just thought you changed your mind.
Brennan: No. Still glad that you have a kid?
Booth: Gladder today than yesterday.
Brennan: That doesn't make any sense.
Booth: Yeah, it's complicated.

Brennan: Who does this? Cuts the finger of an eight-year-old boy?
Booth: Mercenaries, professionals. They don't feel a thing.
Brennan: I feel things, Booth.
Booth: I never said you didn't, Bones.
Brennan: I'm a professional, too. I do better work if I only see the finger, not the child. That doesn't mean I'm like them.
Booth: I know that Bones.

Booth: Mr. Decker, you and Donovan, do you have a codeword? Something to let him know that you sent me?
Decker: Paladin. Tell Donovan paladin.
Cullen: Paladin, defender of the faith, protector. Suits you Booth.

(Booth and Brennan entering the building Decker might be in)
Booth: Usually I enjoy your company Bones, but you know, it's at times like this that you give me just a little something extra to worry about.
Brennan: You enjoy my company?

Booth: Hey Zack, this guy Decker, he's like you. He's in the whole stratosphere IQ-wise.
Zack: What's his IQ?
Booth: It's 163.
Brennan: Oh, he's not where Zack is.
Zack: If he's in the stratosphere, I'm in the ionosphere.
Booth: All right, look, the point is that Decker escapes the U.S. Marshals, tries to contact his wife and finds out that she's been killed. What does he do next?
Zack: His IQ is not a variable.
Brennan: Intelligence doesn't determine so much what you do as how effectively you do it.
Zack: What he'll do depends on what kind of person he is.
Booth: Well, you know, he's a loving father, estranged from the mother of his child.
Zack: (takes a step towards Booth) Sound like anyone you know?
Booth: Could you just back out of my personal space there, buddy?
Brennan: Zack's right. If you were in Decker's position, what would you do?

Booth: Bones, we don't know who hired these guys, KBC, military, disgruntled shareholders or it could be someone we haven't even thought of yet.
(Brennan looks at him with a big smile) What?
Brennan: You just told me not to jump to a conclusion.
Booth: No offense intended.
Brennan: No, you're right. It's just I usually get to tell you.
Booth: Well, our relationship has taken a whole new turn.

Booth: A material witness, for a specially convened Grand Jury, and you lost him?
Attorney Weeks: The guy is pretty smart. Genius level. Do you have any idea what it's like to interact with those types of people?
Booth: Yeah, a little.

Brennan: You believe the boy is already dead?
Booth: I have to assume that he isn't.
Brennan: Why make that assumption?
Booth: Because it gives me something to look forward to instead of dread. Given the choice I avoid dread.
Brennan: Ok, that's logical.
Booth: Is it?
Brennan: Why dread something that hasn't happened yet?
Booth: Yeah.

Brennan: (Looking into Carl Decker's house through a window) It's tidy, Spartan even. Is that odd for a recently separated man?
Booth: The guy is supposed to be some super-rational tight-ass geek. No offense.

(Booth and Brennan in his car. Brennan sees a child' safety seat on the backseat)
Brennan: Arrest someone really small lately? Car seat in the back.
Booth: Oh, I had Parker for the weekend.
Brennan: I don't know how you do that.
Booth: Install a car seat in an FBI vehicle?
Brennan: Bring a kid into this world knowing what you know. Oh, but Parker was an accident, right? Because his mother wouldn't marry you?
Booth: It never occurred to you that that might be a sensitive topic?
Brennan: Well, you could have gone with the very small felon story.
Booth: I'm better for Parker being in the world. Someday you will see that.
Brennan: No, I won't.
Booth: You'll change your mind.
Brennan: I don't do that.
Booth: You will.

Booth: You know, if this works, I'll buy you a puppy.
Brennan: That would be inadvisable. You never told me how I was this morning. I asked you, how did I do, and you said we'll talk about it in the car but we didn't.
Booth: (slightly hesitant) Was it your first TV interview?
Brennan: Yes.
Booth: It was fine, you know, for your first interview.
Brennan: That was a qualified response.
Booth: What? No, it was lively. (tries to leave)
Brennan: Lively? What kind of word is that?
Booth: (evasively) It's an adjective, though ironically most words that end in "-ly" are adverbs, like "ironically".
Brennan: Ok, what did I do wrong?
Booth: Maybe next time, tell a funny story. Oh, and never say you don't like children.
Brennan: I didn't say I don't like children, I just said I didn't want any.
Booth: On TV, it's the same thing.

Stacy Goodyear: Dr. Brennan. your book has sold over 300,000 copies. How do you juggle twin careers as a bestselling author and crime fighting scientist?
Brennan: Why, I do one, then the other.

Pickering: Would this be a good time to speak with Mr. Addy?
Brennan: Considering you had to interrupt him to ask, probably not. Take Hodgins.
Hodgins: I demand a lawyer.
Pickering: I don't need Dr. Hodgins, I need Mr. Addy.
Zack: If I demand a lawyer will I get out of it too?
Brennan: In that case we all demand lawyers.

Pickering: Twenty-five addresses in six countries in eight years.
Angela: That's weird right?
Pickering: What were you doing in all those places?
Angela: Different things, mostly looking, I'm an artist.
Pickering: When was the last time you saw your husband?
Angela: My husband?
Pickering: Yes?
Angela: Oh. Oh. Wow. You mean that actually took? Really it didn't seem legal, we were in Fiji. You know there was a fire dance; you know how those things can be? Right?
Pickering: I really don't, Ms. Montenegro.

Booth: (aiming gun at U.S. Marshal) FBI
US Marshal: U.S. Marshals
Booth: U.S. Marshals?
Brennan: Forensic anthropologist. That's why no gun.

Booth: (to FBI officer) I go in first, straight for the kid. You guys do what you do.
(FBI officer walks away as Bones runs up)
Brennan: What about me?
Booth: You wait outside.
Brennan: I don't want to miss anything!
Booth: Bones, these guys aren't like anyone else you've come up against. Please, just be someone you aren't for the next ten minutes and you hang back. Please. (Brennan nods her acceptance)

Dep. Director Cullen: (talking about Brennan) Well at least nobody got shot. Probably because she didn't have a gun.

Dr. Goodman: (about Lily Mesdin) She's a nut, but a smart nut.

Booth: What, you have something to hide?
Angela: You better believe it, bucko.
Booth: What kind of something?
Angela: (smiles) Best kind...

Agent Pickering: Didn't I see you on television this morning Dr. Brennan?
Brennan: How could I possibly know what you watched on television? Booth, (walking away) I have to talk to you.
Agent Pickering: Yeah… it was definitely her.
Goodman: Maybe work your way up to Dr. Brennan.