Bored to Death

George: I don't like secrets. I'm the only one who gets to have secrets.

Jonathan: Do you really want to know the truth? George: Yes! I do, as long as it's not boring.

(George joins Jonathan and Ray on a case) George: This all very insane and illegal, isn't it? Jonathan: Well... Ray: Yes, it is illegal and insane. George: Good. I like insane.

Howard: If I get home late, my wife will kill me. I mean, I wear the pants, but she's got the belt, if you know what I mean.

Sophia: Mind if I smoke? Jonathan: You know what, it's actually a non-smoking room, but for some reason, they have an ashtray. It sort of... sends a mixed message.

George: looking at Ray's drawings You are very talented! I mean, these are amazing. Ray: Really? Do you think you could publish them? George: No. No, it's probably too sperm-oriented for our readership, but I love your style.

(Ray and George waiting outside the motel) Ray: Wait, wait. George: What? Ray: How long has Jonathan been in there? George: I don't know. I'm on marijuana minutes.

Jonathan: (in the shower after sex with Sophia) Wow! Thank you. Tha-- that was amazing! You know they say if babies don't get touched enough, they die. I think the same thing applies to adults.

(Ames being extorted at an ATM) Jonathan: It'll only let me take two hundred dollars at a time. Carl: So make three withdrawals, genius. Jonathan: But that's three separate service charges. Carl: I will taser you in the face! Jonathan: Okay, okay, I'm just saying, you guys should at least acknowledge that I'm now basically paying five hundred and nine dollars.

Ray: (to Jonathan) You should just give up! There's nothing wrong with failure. I do it all the time.