Boston Legal

Denny: (In front of TV news cameras) Most of us begin life sucking on a breast, and if we're lucky we will end life sucking on a breast. Anyone who is against breasts is against life itself.

Paul: Well, congratulations, Alan. Your drilling of the D.A. on the stand has really paid off. The plea bargain he had set on the Parsons' case suddenly got rejected. Gee, I wonder why? Alan: Mr. Parsons did kill his wife. Maybe he should go to jail. Paul: We are now known in the D.A.'s office as those SOB's from Crane, Poole and Schmidt. And for what? You are still losing this case. Alan: Paul, if that's all they're calling us, clearly I've not done my job.

Terry: (about Daniel and Denise) I had to let him win. It's his funeral. Daniel: Aww, you got beat by a girl and a dead guy. Deal with it.

Denny: This isn't about boobs at all. Alan: It's foreplay. Wait your turn.

Denny: I heard that you asked Shirley to be part of your dream team. Why her and not me? Alan: Shirley has breasts. Ours are just beginning to develop.

Denny: (watching Scott Bodnar giving an interview on the news) Whore. Any place there's a camera, there's Bodnar having sex with it.

Daniel: Hey! You busy tomorrow night? Denise: No. Why? What's going on? Daniel: I thought you might wanna go to a funeral. Denise: Hopper's? Daniel: No. Mine. We'll go in my limo. I got a TV, I got the uppy downy things so we can make out and the driver can't see us. Denise: Yeah. Uh. I love making out on the way to funerals, especially with the guest of honor. Daniel: What's wrong with wanting to see your own funeral? Besides, if you wait till you're dead you don't get to hear all the great things people say about you. Think about it?

Irma: Our officials are stealing our country, Alan. And we need to stop them. And I may need a lawyer. Alan: And I'm guessing you're not looking for a naked one.

Irma: Well, I'll admit I've been having some fantasies of my own. Alan: Have you? Tell. Irma: I walk into a building. My old high school gym and you follow me inside and there are these booths set up. It's election day. Alan: Why not? Irma: I got into a very small booth and you follow me in. Your hand, like the breeze, reaches up my inner thigh and I turn around and I say, "It's not right". And you say... Alan: Shut up and let's do this. Irma: And you say, "What's not right?" And I say, "It's not right that I should vote and my vote doesn't count due to redistricting". Alan: What?

Garrett: I want you out of my office! I'm an attorney, I graduated top of my class at Suffolk University Law School, I passed the Bar Exam the very first try, AND I was recruited by the best firms. Catherine: I killed a man.

Alan: I didn't see you on the balcony the other night. Denny: Bev and I had something to do... then we did it again.

Shirley: (looking around the courtroom) The District Attorney's here. Alan: Scott Bodner. Politicians are drawn to cameras like flies are drawn to... Shirley: Politicians.

Shirley: If I agree to help you, one condition. I assume during the course of this case 'breasts' will be referred to in many colorful ways. Alan: One would hope. Shirley: Personally, however, I don't ever want to hear them referred to as 'hooters'. I hate that word. Oh, and this is a little off-topic, but I hate the word 'underpants', too. Alan: If I can have your breasts, I promise not to say 'hooters'. Shirley: Thank you, Alan. Alan: Now, as for underpants, if you promise not to wear an... Shirley: (interrupting) Good bye, Alan.

Denny: Daniel! Daniel: Denny! Denny: Lookin' Good. Daniel: Thank you. You wanna come to my funeral? Denny: Oh, funerals are sad. Daniel: Well this one'll be fun. Denny: Count me in! Daniel: Tomorrow night. Denny: No can do, busy... Rain check? Daniel: (pauses)...Absolutely. Denny: (nods to Denise)He's a keeper! (walks off) Daniel: Denny's great. Denise: Yep. Daniel: He doesn't hear a thing anyone says, does he? Denise: Nope.

Garrett: This is my office. Catherine: Oh, I needed a base of operations for my sandwich cart business. Garrett: But... I... Catherine: You're a first year, right? (he nods yes) Well, it goes like this: named partner, senior partner, junior partner, senior associates, sandwich lady, xerox guy, janitor, first years.

Denny: I heard there were two hundred women, that's four hundred breasts, and you kept them all to yourself !

Alan: Oh, look, it's me! Denny: I can see that. You were there, in a sea of breasts, and you didn't invite me!

(at a public bare-breasted protest) Alan: Oddly, this was one of my fantasies... And the chilly weather is certainly an added bonus.